Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies
by Cuddles101
Summary: What Cal will do when someone he knows turns up on his doorsteps in the middle of the night asking for help? What is the reason behind Gill's long vacation? Is there a connection between these events or they simply happened to coincide? Will Gillian be able to help someone in need and survive the danger she will find herself in? Warning: Violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **What Cal will do when someone he knows turns up on his doorsteps in the middle of the night asking for help? What is the reason behind Gill's long vacation? Is there a connection between these events or they simply happened to coincide?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the LTM characters...

**Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies**

**Chapter 1**

It was almost ten in the evening when Cal slummed down on the couch in his living room. Luckily Emily was with Zoe in Florida. Although usually seeing his daughter brought his spirit up, today he felt so spent that there was not a single drop of energy left, not even for a small conversation with his beloved daughter.

It truly had been a long day. Long and hard. Actually with Gillian absent all days were like that. Somehow things had gotten out of hand.

Only recently he really understood to what level he depended on her. All the financial staff that made him bored beyond belief, the communication with clients and distribution of tasks Gillian so smoothly and efficiently was managing turned out to be a lot more work than Cal ever thought. Today alone he had messed up with declaration of income taxes and financial reports that could cost them some fines from the IRS. Furthermore, Ria kept bugging him about one of the cases to the point he blew up and like always everyone in the storm's way got smashed away. There was no Gillian who performed the functions of lightning-conductor between his bloody temper and the staff.

Truth was he missed dearly not only her professional skills, but 'Her' - her smile and positivity, the inspiration and energy she radiated, their conversations and flirting. Especially the flirting that up to her abrupt departure was lingering very close if not even above the unseen line they had somewhat established.

She was not gone for good. At least he hoped she would be back. Eventually.

If the situation was assessed rationally, there was no big mystery, his fear was unjustified. Everything was plain and simple – Gillian had taken a leave. What bugged Cal was that initially she had taken a week, then another and now already three weeks had passed. Situation itself was unprecedented. Off course, she had taken day or two here and there, but it was for first time since they had established the Lightman Group that she was absent three weeks straight in a row.

Mere timeframe was not what bothered Cal most. It was guilt and shame present on her face during their last meets as well as one more emotion he witnessed that he didn't want to voice even in thoughts.

Three weeks ago Gill had announced to the staff that she will take a week long leave and that in her absence Cal will take over her tasks. It was out of the blue. No prior warning or explanation, nothing. Just a day ago they had discussed their plans for next week and then this. She clearly had tried to avoid him, because the announcement was made in his absence. She was on her way out, when he had caught her and forced back into the office. Such actions were very uncharacteristic for usually open and forthcoming Foster. It was not her forte to hide things.

„Planning romantic getaway? Might I join?" he asked in a voice full of venom. He knew it was childish and uncalled for, but he felt hurt and rattling her was quickest way to get to the truth.

"Not now Cal, please" she replied not taking the bait.

"So you are abandoning us without even a courtesy to say why?"

"Cal, please stop act as seven years old. I'm just taking a vacation". It was a lie and they both new it. "Anyway, I don't have to explain myself" she added defensively and tried to walk past him. She had almost made it, when Cal caught her arm and she was forced to turn around putting them face to face.

"What is it, luv? What is bothering you so much?" Cal's voice was almost a whisper due to her proximity. "Don't even try to deny it, I can see how distressed you are" he hushed her protests before she managed to open her mouth.

"Cal. Please, don't ask me questions and I won't be forced to lie" guilt, shame and regret radiating from her in waves "I just need time to sort some personal matters. That's it. Remember we talked about the line – this is one of those times" she added with a sight. With that she put her hand on his and gave a little squeeze, then with the same arm reached up and turned his face so she was able to give him light kiss on the cheek and delicately extracting her hand from his grip exited the office.

Cal wanted to go after her, to push for answers, but that would be against her request to respect her privacy. She rarely shut him completely out and never without a reason. He just had to be patient he told himself.

One week turned into two. Time from time Cal tried to call her cell, but all calls kept forwarding to the voicemail. Being control freak he was, Cal knew that she was not home, as her street mysteriously kept appearing on his way from work to home. Her car was in the driveway, never touched. He also knew that she had not left the country – having influential friends in customs proved to be beneficial.

Cal tried to convince himself that he was not spying and controlling her, that he was respecting privacy she asked for, just making sure she was safe and sound. It sounded lame and he knew it, but it was the best explanation he could come up with besides the one he confessed to Emily some time ago. He felt like jealous schoolboy and it only added to his frustration.

At the beginning of the third week she briefly stopped by the office to collect some of the things from her cabinet. It was very early, way before working hours. Cal had been here only because just before the dawn he had taken Emily to the airport and didn't see any point to return to the empty house. Zoe was in Florid due to business and Emily was visiting her. Through the open doors of his cabinet he had seen her entering. Now Cal stood by her office doors watching. She hadn't noticed him jet.

Gillian was much thinner than he remembered, but still gorgeous. Worry lines lingered on her face as she roamed through drawers, she looked very tense and nervous, but there was also this radiant glow around her that he had never seen before.

Gill lifted head as if sensing his presence and her face lighted with dazzling smile. The smile alone was enough to make Cal's day.

"Cal, Hi! I didn't hear you" she said moving forward and kissing him on cheek. Sensing his uneasiness her posture tensed even more "Are you ok?"

"Hello, luv. I'm good, although would be better with you here. You know – IRS, increasing workload and..." seeing worry lines deepen on her face and regret in her eyes Cal shut up. Why did he always have to be so damned insensitive? He didn't even know the reasons of her absence, but already played the guilt card. Trying to change the subject he asked "How have you been?"

"I'm Ok. Everything is Ok." She replied turning her back to him so he was not able to read her, vulnerability traceable in the pitch of her voice "just came by to get some of the things I need".

"Have you managed to resolve your personal issues?"

"I'm getting there" she replied looking at him with controlled expression. "And that is about all I'm saying on the subject" she quickly added seeing his intentions, glimpses of guilt and shame detectable on her face. Although usually very open, regarding reasons of her absence she was more tight-lipped than foreign spy in CIA interrogations.

Nervousness and tension he witnessed just minutes ago were gone. Maybe it had been plot of his rich imagination provoked by worry he had felt over last two weeks.

"I'm truly sorry I abandoned you, but I will make it up" she said retreating to her desk for the cell phone actively performing "The Blue Danube Waltz" in her purse.

Briefly looking at the number she headed to the doors, clearly not wanting Cal to hear the conversation. With all her cautiousness Cal still overheard her hushed voice answering "Yes, sweetheart".

His gut clenched as he moved closer to the glass wall separating him from the lobby. Gillian had moved to the farthest corner and spoke very quietly, but he was able to read her body language and expressions. What he saw made his heart froze.

Her face had lit up, eyes sparkling, the radiance around her more profound, she was smiling and at one moment even laughed. What he saw on her face was pure and unconditional love.

Had she really found someone else? Was she so much in love that her actions were so irresponsible? That she had forgotten all about their work and duties.

It was not that he didn't want her to be happy, but strong jealousy running like stream through Cal clouded his judgement. The feeling was so intense that it was almost suffocating. He needed to punch something or preferably somebody.

Anger and frustration were so overwhelming that he retreated to his office locking the doors behind.

At the end he had spent the rest of the day sulking in his office; especially after realising that she had left without passing by and saying goodbye. Apparently she was so consumed in whatever was happening in her life that even mere manners were not her strong suit anymore.

Then again, if it was affair that was keeping her off the radar, where did the guilt, shame and worry lines on her face came from. Moreover he was pretty sure that she had lost at least ten pounds. How did all this fit into the equation?

The truth was that he needed her, needed her as partner, as friend and... Ring of the doorbell brought Cal out of his reverie before he finished the thought.

Quick glance at the watch confirmed Cal's suspicions – it was way past midnight. Who the hell could be there at this god-awful hour? He contemplated to ignore caller as he was not in mood for visitors. The lights were off, no one would be wiser.

Several moments later instead of subduing, ringing became more insistent. Silently cursing Cal stood from the couch and headed for the door. It better be life or death situation or he would give a piece of mind to whoever had audacity to disturb him firstly at his home and secondly at this time.

Whatever Cal was prepared for, not in a million years he was expecting the sight that greeted him when he opened the doors.

"I need your help" with great urgency in voice said tall masculine figure looming over the doorsteps, expression of fear plastered on his moonlight illuminated face.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: Thank you all for nice reviews! They keep me motivated... _

**Chapter 2**

"I need your help" said tall masculine figure looming over the doorsteps. Expression of fear plastered on his face.

Cal didn't particularly care for the man or even liked him, but he knew well enough that without solid reason he wouldn't be here.

"Please" Glancing worriedly over shoulder to the dark street, as if expecting that someone had followed him here, the man added "There is no time. I'll explain everything on the way."

Urgency and fear reflecting on other man's face as well as desperation in his voice was enough to get Cal into action.

"Give me a second"

Cal was already on the move as he retreated back into the room to grab the phone from the coffee table where he earlier had absentmindedly tossed it.

Due to the darkness, in his hustle Cal almost tripped on a small step separating living room from the lobby, but managed to catch the balance just in time. Grasping the jacket from the hanger Cal locked the door. Somehow he got a feeling that it will be a long trip and would require all resolve he had.

The air outside was chilly as they hurried down the dark street, his guide kept glancing around worriedly, but not a single form of life was detectable. Cal was wondering how far they are going by foot and was about to voice the question, when the man disappeared in a small passage between bushes. Following his footsteps Cal crept out in a small parking lot unseen from the street due to greenery. There on the other side was parked dark sedan. Taller man had already unlocked the car, climbed inside and cautiously was checking something on the rear seats. The lighting was poor and all Call could see from his vantage point were dark shadows, but getting closer he noticed that it was rather someone than something. Leaning over the window he tried to get a better glimpse and gasped in shock and disbelief.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

As soon as the man opened glove compartment a small ray of light escaped. It was not a decent lighting, but enough for Cal to have better view. His eyes widened in dread, heart skipped a beat and then slowed as stone cold fear spread through his veins at the sight "We need a hospital!"

"Keep your voice down..."

###

"If this is your fault..." Cal whispered through gritted teeth.

"It is, but not in a way you think..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Three weeks ago..._

The case they worked on was emotionally draining and Gillian was happy it had finished today. She felt completely spent and the thought of hot tub and a glass of good wine was what kept her going through the day.

The light material gave a light rustle as purple dress slid down porcelain shoulders and ended its journey on a cream coloured bathroom tiles. Slim legs crossed insignificant distance to the tub and vanished in the mountains of heavenly scented foam. Gillian sighed in delight as she carefully lowered into this paradise with a glass of wine in her hand. Soft jazz could be heard from her living room and she relaxed finally able to cast away tiredness of the day. Lifting her hand she took a sip of aromatic, light bodied liquid and closed her eyes listening to the familiar earthly, bluesy melody.

She was so lost in the moment, that it took her a moment to realise that something was wrong. Even in relaxed state her senses were alert, it was the brain that hindered. Light goose bumps rose on her skin as she tried to figure what had startled her. There it was. Subtle, but inept sounds came from her living room. Like someone was wandering around.

_Keep calm. Try to think rationally_.

She told herself, but it was a difficult task. Fear gripped her like an animal, tension mercilessly built in taut muscles as million thoughts ran through her head in chaotic stream clearly preceded by two - _Who could that be? What should I do?_

_Cell phone!_

Where the hell had she put it?

_Think! _

It was in her purse on the first floor.

_Damned! _

Almost rigid from the tension she strained her hearing, but there were no other sounds than quiet music playing on CD. Maybe exhaustion was playing tricks on her mind, but the feeling of uneasiness was still there.

As silently as possible Gill reached for a towel and wrapped it around herself. Without slightest thought of modesty in case there really was an intruder, she exited the bathroom. Only one thought in her head – get to the cell phone as fast as possible.

With extreme cautiousness Gill reached the stairs leading to the first floor and looked down. So far so good.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs she paused and carefully looked around the corner. The living room was empty; everything was the way that she had left it. Nothing had been taken or moved.

Thank God! It had been her imagination.

Next thing she knew was a rapid move behind her and before she had a chance to react strong hand entwined around her body in a viselike grip, other arm in front of her mouth preventing her from screaming.

Gill was in panic. She desperately tried to struggle, but to no avail. Whoever held her possessed far more power than she. Unshed tears escaped her eyes as futility of the effort became clear.

"Don't scream" familiar voice whispered in her ear.

It took a moment before the message and the voice sunk in. As soon as it did, she visibly relaxed. At the same time the grip around her loosened.

Once free to move Gillian turned around and with true surprise on face looked at the man she thought she would never see again. In front of her eyes stood no one else that David Burns, in person.

Taking closer look Gill felt that it was not the same man who had walked out of her life without looking back a year ago. There was some sort of dark aura around him, like he had been to hell and back without so much as a pit stop. He looked older, extremely tired, grave worry written all over his face.

"Hi... Gillian..." David said in the same hushed calm tone as it was the most common thing in the world to turn up in her house and frighten her to death.

"David. You scared the hell out of me" Gill whispered panting as soon as she had her voice back.

"Sorry. It was not my intention"

"Why the dramatics? Couldn't you use doorbell like normal people?" Gill tried to mask her distress with sarcasm, but shake in voice gave her away. Trying to make more decent appearance she adjusted the towel that had slid down while she was fighting.

"You look gorgeous, like always" Davis stated matter of factly. "I had almost forgotten how beautiful you are" he added looking her from head to toes with such intensity in his dark eyes that Gillian blushed and felt goose bumps rise above her skin.

To David she looked like a goddess, shining pearls of water dripping on the living room floor, delicately pale skin shimmering in the dim light, eyes wide from initial shock, delicate palm on her chest trying to calm agitated heartbeat. The towel covered her, but the sight in front of him was enough to bring back sweet memories of the time spent together - her feather soft skin, gentle touch and delicious lips. Leaving her was one of most difficult decisions David had ever made. He had cared deeply, perhaps even loved her. Whether 'had' was the correct tense was still a question.

Gillian's next question brought David back from the trip down the memory lane.

"What are you doing here?"

"I need your help" David said, his mind shifting back to the present, to somber reason of his visit. On his way he had prepared a line, even several, but somehow seeing her after all this time had gotten him off the rail. He felt like someone had just kicked a floor from under his feet.

When David kept silent for several minutes with alien and distant look on his face, Gillian moved closer and gently put a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Although she didn't know the reason why he was here or acted the way he did, she was sure that there was a sound explanation. Sensing his uneasiness Gillian tensed, but didn't take away her hand. Hot tub was completely forgotten.

"There is…" David paused, as if searching for right words "a girl..."

Even to his ears it sounded completely wrong, even lame. As if he was asking advice on his love life. For some reason, David almost expected for her to step away in disgust, but it didn't happen. Looking in her eyes he saw kindness and empathy, not judgement. It was classic Gillian. Caring for others was her nature.

Over last year he had forgotten how it was to speak to normal people, to people who didn't want to stab you into back and didn't search for a double meaning in your every word, gesture or action. Hell, even his previous move that almost scared her stroke came more as a force of habit than real necessity of the situation. The truth was he hadn't heard her coming down the stairs and acted on an impulse, thinking that someone had followed him here.

"Her name is Lena and she is six years old" he paused, images of scared trembling kid playing in front of his eyes. He was so wrapped in the memory that hadn't noticed when they moved to the couch and sat facing each other.

"Lena suffers from severe PTSD. Her parents were killed before her eyes a month ago. There are no other relatives we are aware of at the moment. Lena has not uttered a single word or cried since that day and is almost in catatonic state. Psychobiological treatment with 'Cortisol' gave no effect. Worst part is that she does not eat properly and we are afraid of malnutrition. Lena is not reacting well to IV's that could provide at least some fluid and nutrients. Whenever someone comes near she falls into hysteria. Only way to calm her are sedatives. Mostly she sits still or sleeps, but sometimes there are episodes of quiet whimpers and swinging back and forth. But as I said most of the time she just sits or lies in bed".

After a minute of silence Gill carefully asked "How her parents were killed?"

"They were... shot. That is all I can say."

"How are you involved in all of this?"

"Don't ask and I won't lie" was his sole murky reply.

"How can I help?"

"I want you to visit her"

That got Gill by surprise "But I have mostly worked with undercover agents, I'm not specialised on children with PTSD... There are far better specialists..."

"Please Gillian. She doesn't have anyone else..."

'I owe her that' was left unsaid.

Gillian saw it, but didn't press David about the guilt present on his face. She understood specifics of his job better than anyone.

"Where is she?"

David exhaled not even sure why he had been so worried. He knew Gillian better than that – she would never refuse to help someone, especially a child. It was all the stress of his work he told himself. He had forgotten that world didn't consist only from evil, that not everyone was selfish and cold, that goodness and compassion were still alive.

"She is in a hospital for children."

"In DC?"

"I can't say, at least not until we are on the way. That is if you are coming with me..." he continued lifting his eyes and staring at her. His intense dark gaze almost made her shift uncomfortably, but she managed to suppress the feeling. Suddenly Gillian felt self conscious sitting there with just a wet towel clanging around. It made her tighten the grip holding moist material in place.

"You will be able to leave whenever you want" David added almost pleadingly, like the whole world depended on her decision.

The tone was so unlike him that Gill almost leaned forward to give a soothing embrace, but cold air playing on her naked skin reminded that it was not the best idea, that is if she didn't want to be even more exposed than she already was. It is not like there was something he had not seen before, but under intensity of his stare she felt like the wet material was her only line of defence.

"I'm not saying I won't come, it is just my work..."

"You can drop by the office in the morning, make arrangements" David assured. "There are still some errands I have to run tonight..." he added in a more grim tone.

Gillian nodded. She couldn't say no.

"I will meet you here tomorrow morning around ten" he said reluctantly standing up. It was time. He had to go. Coming here had been a huge risk on his part in the first place. Not for the first time he wondered whether he did the right thing. Then he remembered terrified trembling child, shielding away from everyone and everything.

David looked so miserable and regretful that Gillian desperately wanted to comfort him. Even after all this time she still cared. Modesty be damned! Ignoring her considerably naked appearance Gillian stepped forward and hugged him.

If David was surprised at her gesture, he didn't show it, pulling her in a tight embrace. He almost melted at the familiarity of her warm and gentle touch. There was nothing more that he longed for but this moment to last forever.

Some things were just not meant to be. Before he completely forgot the rest of the world, he stepped away and searched her eyes. They were full of kindness and trust - emotions so forgotten, yet familiar. It made his heart clench. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"There is one more thing I have to ask. I know it is not fair, but you have to trust me when I say it is necessary."

"What is it?"

"Don't tell anyone about this, literally anyone" he said in deadly serious tone. She could clearly hear the undertone of the message 'especially Lightman'.

"I won't." Gillian promised.

"Thank you" he said turning to leave through back door, the same way he had entered.

Gillian sensed that he didn't want to leave. That he would rather stay here or be somewhere else, but not wherever he was supposed to be.

"David!" she called after him and he turned.

"Next time please use doorbell" she said with a glint of humour trying to ease tensed atmosphere in the room and he smiled. It was most genuine expression he had during whole time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After David left, Gillian hadn't been able to relax or go to sleep. Their conversation kept replaying in her head over and over again. Surprisingly it was not his request that was bugging so much, but the man himself. The darkness of his stare, roughness of his touch, the way he was not able to stay still and kept fidgeting around, how he flinched at her touch – those all were familiar symptoms from her time in Pentagon. Agents who had been under cover for too long and witnessed their share of cruelty and evil showed the same symptoms. Whatever David was in the middle of, it was serious.

Gillian had no idea how the girl fit into the picture – was she a witness or a victim? Who were her parents? Why was she there when her parents were killed? Then there was the guilt on David's face and in his voice when he spoke about the kid. It was so severe, as if he had pulled the trigger himself. Knowing David it was unlikely, he would never have intentionally put a child through such a trauma. Nevertheless, there was a possibility that it is exactly what happened. The information he provided was less than sufficient.

These and similar thoughts kept her up till the dawn, when more out of physical exhaustion than desire she fell into restless sleep.

The classical tunes of Tchaikovsky, Piano concerto No 1 consistently playing on her alarm clock woke her with a start only an hour later. Gillian felt tired and her head fuzzy, lack of proper rest visible even on her face when she looked in the mirror. Crap! If she wanted to pull it off, she needed to compose herself. Sometimes it was not easy to deal with a room full of lie detectors in flesh. She knew that even if her staff saw something was off, no one would confront or press her. No one except for one person. Cal was completely different story. He knew her better than anyone also and would see right through her façade. That was worrying. It would be so much easier to simply call, but it was not the way to do things. She couldn't just disappear without resolving some issues at first. It was not her way.

Gillian decided to deal with problems upon sequence they emerged. Taking one last look at her reflection in the mirror and somewhat content with it she grabbed the purse, car keys and headed out.

# # #

It was her lucky day after all. Cal was not in yet and using the opportunity, Gillian gathered the staff and announced that she will take a week long leave.

It was not that she didn't want to see Cal per se. It was more a fact that she had to conceal information, but at the same time didn't want to lie. Unfortunately she couldn't tell the truth either - David had been very specific about that. Decade with Cal had given enough insight to know that as soon as he sensed her distress, he would be on it like blood hound and would not let go until she cracked. There was no _'win win'_ scenario. To stay truthful she had to betray either David's or Cal's trust.

Gillian was almost on her way out of the office, when familiar grip caught her around the waist and escorted back.

"Good morning to you too Cal" she said calmly. The morning had gone too smoothly to be true anyway.

„Planning romantic getaway? Might I join?" he asked in a voice full of venom.

So he had heard about her plans and was pissed off.

"Not now Cal, please" she replied not taking the bait "I'm in a hurry".

"Well, you are abandoning the ship without even a courtesy to say why?" he said in a same offended tone. Here it was – his feelings were hurt because she had not talked to him first and for a moment she felt guilty.

Then she remembered Lena. The hell with it! There was a traumatised child that needed help and if it required Cal's resentment so be it.

"Cal, please stop act as seven years old. I'm just taking a vacation" she said impatiently. It was a lie and she knew that he had picked it up, but the arrogant look on his face was starting to get annoying. Why he always had to push her buttons? To nose into every single thought she had and emotion she felt?

"Anyway, I don't have to explain myself" she said defensively trying to move past him. Gill had almost made it, when Cal caught her arm and she was forced to turn around thus putting them face to face. Arrogance was replaced by something more genuine. She saw that he more hurt by the fact that she had shut him out than offended the fact that she had not told him first. Cal had seen distress and worry on her face and it was his way of saying that he cared. The irritation she felt just seconds ago vaporised.

"What is it, luv? What is bothering you so much?" Cal's voice was uncharacteristically gentle, his breath caressing her face. She wanted to say she was ok, that everything was ok and he was simply overreacting, but before she had a chance to open her mouth he hushed her "Don't even try to deny it, I can see it".

"Cal. Please, don't ask me questions and I won't be forced to lie" she said feeling a fresh pang of guilt and shame "I just need time to sort some personal matters. That's it." Looking him straight in the eye she tiredly added "Remember we talked about the Line – this is one of those times…" Concealment was not really the same as lying and it was for a good cause, but why did she feel like a traitor?

Putting free arm on Cal's hand that covered her elbow she squeezed it in reassurance. After a second she released it and lifted the arm to turn his face to the side as she leaned forwards and put a quick kiss on the cheek. Delicately extracting her hand from his grip she exited the office without looking back.

**###**

When Gillian arrived home David was already there, visibly ignoring her request to use the front doors. They hadn't spoken much while he silently observed her packing basic clothes and some toiletries into larger handbag. Upon David's request Gillian had reluctantly left her cell phone and wallet behind.

Gillian didn't ask questions as to where he had gone last night, where their destination was or why the car was parked in a parallel street five blocks away and for that David was grateful. She was amazing.

Although the day had started sunny and bright, now heavy clouds covered the sky made it almost dark. Small droplets of water began to fall on the front window of the moving car, soon changing to a pouring rain. Gillian watched the wipers energetically pushing aside heavy rain drumming against the windshield. She wanted to ask questions, but from his body language knew that they wouldn't be answered anyway.

In silence they had left D.C. behind heading north via route 295, Baltimore-Washington avenue. It was not unpleasant, but laced with tension and worry. Gillian sensed that David was in deep distress, but knew better than to press him. David on the other hand was planning next move. Things had gotten way too complicated for his liking and looking over to his companion for the hundredth time he wondered whether he had the right to drag her in this mess. Especially without warnings. On the other lesser she knew, safer they all were.

Gillian was so lost in her thoughts that was somewhat startled by David's hand on her arm, while his gaze was still fixed on the road.

"Thank you"

"For what?" she looked at him perplexed.

_For coming, for trusting, for not asking questions, for caring, for being in my life _he thought. Instead he just said "For everything".

"I just hope I will be able to help" she said turning thoughtful gaze back to the road. She really was not sure she was the best for the job. All the cases where children had lost their parents or parents had lost their children were particularly hard on her. It always made her remember most devastating time of her life. The wounds she buried deep and masked so well were still there, still slowly oozing.

Meanwhile they had entered Baltimore and David manoeuvred the car through busy streets. Finally they stopped in front of large gates. David flashed his ID to a lazy looking guard and they were let in. The Baltimore Child Care Facility was an old mansion. It looked majestic and charming straightening against the grey sky. It was a huge property and was secured from outside world with high iron fence that stretched all around the territory. They drove down asphalted path lined with mighty old trees. They passed a playground with slides, sandboxes and small swings idly swaying in the northern wind. Reaching the entrance of the impressive old building David stopped the car and looked at Gillian with unreadable expression.

"Ask for Dr. Lewis. I told her that you are a child-psychologist and possibly will be able to help her with Lena. She is a nice woman. I have worked with her before"

He leaned to the rear seat and retrieved small black bag and put it into her lap "Take this – there is some cash for hotel and necessities as well as cell phone with a number programmed where you can reach me in case of emergency".

"Wait, aren't you coming with me?" Gill looked at him surprised fidgeting with the small bag.

"No" he said shamefully "I have to be somewhere else"

"When will I see you?"

"I don't know" he replied. That was the truth.

Gill felt like she was thrown out of the boat in the middle of the ocean. She had hoped that David would give her some more information, insight on what was really going on, but no - he was leaving her there none the wiser. Sighting she reached for the door knob when David leaned into her direction. She thought he wanted to say something and stopped in a half way looking questionably at him, but instead he put one hand around her neck, pulled her closer and kissed.

It was not a gentle and sweet kiss she remembered from the time they had spent together. It was darker, more passionate, urgent and almost desperate. It lasted only mere seconds, but Gill was left completely rattled. His hectic behaviour and concealment of information alone was enough to make her worried, but this, this was completely unexpected and considering circumstances not only inappropriate but also uncalled for. To say she was a bit shaken would be understatement of the year. As soon as grip on her neck eased Gill reached for the doorknob and almost jumped out of the car.

Still in a bit of a shock she headed up the stairs and pushed the intercom button. If she had taken a single glance back, she would have seen self-condemned and broken expression following her steps before the car sped off.


	5. Chapter 5

_Note: Thank you all for reading and for the reviews - it is always nice and encouraging to get feedback... _

**Chapter 5**

The doors beeped and Gillian stepped inside large lobby. Impressive wooden reception desk stood in middle of the rounded room. Behind the desk broad stairs were situated leading to the upper floors. To the left and right side closed doors with large barred windows showed bright corridors coloured in slightly yellowish tone. Gillian took a deep steadying breath and approached elderly woman in white uniform who was sitting behind the desk.

"Good Morning. My name is Gillian and I'm here to meet" _Jesus, what was the woman's name? _David and his stunt with the kiss had left her more rattled than she cared to admit "... Dr. Lewis"

"Good Morning. Please wait a minute, I'll call her."

Moment later woman nodded at Gill and said "Dr. Lewis will come in a minute". At least David had warned about her arrival. Good.

Gillian nodded thanks and moving away from the desk looked around. Although the building was old, it had been recently renovated. Freshly painted and redecorated room looked more like an entrance to the embassy than medical establishment.

Hearing approaching footsteps Gillian turned around and saw a woman coming down the stairs. She was in her early forties; dark shoulder length hair surrounded her round face with carefully applied make-up. She had a friendly expression as she shook Gill's hand "Hello, I'm Dr. Lewis, you can call me Samantha"

"It is nice to meet you, I'm Gillian"

"David said that you are excellent child psychologist with extensive experience dealing with sever anxiety disorders" her eyes lit up at mentioning David's name. Apparently she had a hot spot for him. The fact itself didn't bother Gillian, but silly as it was memory of their farewell kiss put colour on her cheeks. It was quickly overwhelmed by irritation. Why in the God's name he had lied about her credentials and what was she supposed to reply to this? He really could have given her more information for starters. Gillian was saved from any course of action as Dr. Lewis continued speaking guiding Gillian towards stairs "I have been overlooking Lena's treatment from the day one."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"All the information that I have is in the file"

The tone in which it was said clearly indicated, that Gill had asked something completely out of line, like she was supposed to know something she hadn't slightest clue about. In the meantime doctor continued "She has not uttered a single word since she had been placed here; she barely eats and becomes hysterical when someone comes near. Unfortunately only sedatives calm her down. As I said, every treatment she has received is in the file."

"How is she today?"

"Awake, not under medication"

In the meanwhile they had reached doors decorated with a sign "Dr. Lewis, Head of Intensive Care Department" and Samantha guided Gill inside. The office was large and sunny, like rest of the building. Lightly orange walls and wooden furniture gave cozy feeling.

"I have to apologise, but I have a medical council in fifteen minutes. I will give you Lena's file and accompany you to her room, but unfortunately I can't stay. I hope you won't mind?"

Apparently it was one of those days when everything was set into motion and one just had to follow the stream. Gill was surprised that she had been let to see the child so easily – no questions about her professional background and certification, no query about her plans for possible treatment. Maybe it had something to do with David, but nevertheless such practice was very unusual for medical facility. The fact that doctors didn't have information on the background and circumstances of the girl getting here was also strange, because normally it was the first thing every medical institution clarified.

"It is ok, thank you," Gillian said taking manila folder and following Samantha out of the room. The hallway of the second floor was painted in the same light yellow shade that she had noticed downstairs and decorated with framed children's drawings. It gave the place warm feeling.

The hall they passed was more administrative wing of the establishment, as plates with names of the doctors were visible at almost every door.

They stopped shortly before the end of the hallway, only three doors left till the end of the corridor. Stepping closer Gill took a peek inside. Through barred window she could see a single bed, small cupboard and several toys lying around. In the corner of the room on wooden floor sat tiny girl with arms in a tight grip around the knees that were drawn to chin. Dark disordered curls gently framed her face as large empty eyes underlined by dark circles stared into nothingness. She looked so broken, fragile and pale that Gill's heart broke.

"Why is she isolated?"

There it was – same strange expression crossed Samantha's face. Gill felt like Samantha was hiding something, but at the same time was sure that Gill knew exactly what it was and why it had to be kept secret. Something strange was going on here, but there was no point revealing that she had absolutely no clue what it was. From the way the woman spoke it was clear that even if she asked, no answers would be given anyway. David better had some solid reasons and believable explanations for this charade.

"Besides we tried to take her to other children, but she gets panic attacks."

"Lena, honey, there is someone to see you" Samantha said as she opened the doors and addressed the child whose expression had changed from distant to anxious.

"Hi Lena. I'm Gillian."

The girl didn't answer, but neither of them expected that she would.

"If you don't mind, I will spend this day with you" Gill added gently as she slowly entered the room. Samantha smiled at them and closed the doors.

Lena didn't move, but her gaze was fixed on Gillian. That was a good sign. It meant that she was fully aware of what was going around her and hadn't completely shut herself down from the rest of the world.

For a split second Gillian hesitated, but then made a decision and sat down on the floor in the same manner as Lena and rested her head on her knees, back rested against bedside. It was intentional choice of position. Now she was not only almost the same high as the girl, but also was not facing her directly thus seeming less threatening.

She needed to gain Lena's trust and that required time. There was no point in frightening already traumatised child with sudden moves, loud noises or physical contact. If she tried to move closer, it would cause another panic attack. Letting her get used to the fact that someone was there was best she could do for now.

To say that she had an exact plan how to help grieving child would be a lie. Gillian feared that she was not the best to help and because of that Lena would remain unresponsive, but to give up without even trying was not her nature. Besides she felt deeply compassionate and sorry for girl's loss. Loosing parents at such a young age and in such a violent way was most terrible thing that could happen.

###

An hour later Gillian noticed that Lena felt less threatened by her presence. She was still sitting quietly in the corner, but her posture was somewhat more relaxed. It was small step, but still a step. Time from time during the day Gill repositioned herself so she was a little closer to the girl. Not by much, just to see how she would react.

So far so good.

It was almost evening, when Gill decided it was time to try something else. With deliberately slow and measured motions she reached for her bag and retrieved a book. It was one of rare children's books she had at home and had managed to pack in her haste. Opening coloured covers of her favourite childhood book "Winnie-the-Pooh" Gillian started to read in a quiet and soothing voice.

"Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin..."

An hour later her goal was achieved. Gill had deliberately lowered her voice with time, so it was more difficult to hear the story and finally Lena had moved closer to her.

Only later Gill would learn that it was the first time the girl had responded to anything willingly.

###

Gill had spent whole day with Lena. They definitely had reached some sort of progress. Lena had climbed into bed and even dozed off at one point without minding Gill's presence. She had waited for the girl to wake up, before she left, so that she would know that Gill had not disappeared and promised to be back the next day.

Before leaving Gill had a brief meeting with Samantha, but at that point she had been too exhausted to have thorough conversation. There was nothing much to discuss anyway, as Samantha didn't go beyond what was in the file. The file itself was more about the treatment than Lena's background. The latter information was important to better understand child's psyche.

###

It took some time to find a hotel and settle in. It was second rate motel and normally wouldn't be her first choice, but at that point Gill didn't care. Due to David she didn't have any documents as he made her leave the wallet behind. Therefore any normal hotel was out of question. It would have been easier if she hadn't listened to him. Now it was too late for regrets anyway.

She felt completely drained. This whole case was taking its toll on her. The book she had read was one she had so lovingly bought for Sophie. It had brought painful memories.

Silent tears were falling down cheeks as she sat in the darkness exhausted, but unable to fall sleep.

###

Next day when Gillian arrived, Lena was sitting in the bed. The child didn't shriek away when she approached. Untouched plate with food stood on the bedside table. Like the day before Gillian sat on the floor next to the bed only this time she took out kit with beads and pearls. Lena was intensely watching her, but didn't make any movements.

Gillian began to make a necklace, humming soft tune under her nose.

After a while she felt the bed shift. Looking up from her hands she saw that Lena had moved closer and was scrutinizing decoration she had made. In a soft, barely audible voice Gill asked "Would you like to help?"

Lena moved even closer, eyes still fixed on Gill's hands and slowly reached for one of the shining pearls, rolled it in her small palm and reached over to put it on the top of the thin rope. In the process her hand slightly touched Gill's and it scared the girl back to the far corner of the bed.

Gill kindly smiled and handed the girl separate piece of rope so she would be able to work for herself and resumed her work, thus giving the girl a chance to decide for herself whether to join her or not.

The main trick was to make Lena interact without pressing. The interest had to be sparkled from natural curiosity and not forced.

For several moments Lena just stared at the objet in her hand, but then began to work.

After a while Gill tried another trick. She took one of the triangular sandwiches from the plate, took a bite and continued her work. It made her indescribably happy when Lena followed her suit.

###

Seven days had passed since Gillian had left her house and upon David's request followed him to Baltimore to take care of the orphaned girl. It had required a lot of patience and love, but Gill had managed to gain Lena's trust. She still remembered vividly the first time Lena actually came to a physical contact.

Gillian was sitting by the bed reading a book until she saw that Lena's eyes had fallen shut and she stopped closing the coloured covers. The whole situation kept reminding her of the most devastating time of her life when her little girl, when Sophie was taken away. Most of the times Gill managed to suppress the memories and agony she had felt by focusing on helping Lena, on moving forward by taking one step at a time. But then there were moments like this. When there was nothing else to do than sit, wait and think.

Warm rays of afternoon sun shone through half closed curtains and illuminated silent tears running down woman's beautiful face as she sat there deeply lost in the thoughts of what could have been 'if only'. The pain of loss in her heart was still raw and oozing.

Gillian had zoomed out to a point she hadn't noticed that Lena had woken and was silently watching her. She wasn't even aware that she was crying and was a bit startled when small hands enlaced around her neck as Lena climbed in her lap, leaned into her and in a small voice said "Don't cry".

Gillian felt overwhelmed as she raised her hands and gently hugged the small frame. The girl leaned even more into the touch as she tentatively snuggled into Gillian's shoulder and for the first time in long time felt comforted.

Since then Lena hadn't uttered a single word, but at least they had established a bond.

Gill ensured that Lena had eaten properly, helped her wash, braid her hair, read stories, played games and simply talked to her. On several occasions Gill had even taken her out to the playground when other children were not around. Fresh air and sun were healthy to the pale kid. Dark circles below girl's large eyes had visibly shrunken and with each day she responded better and better to their activities.

The girl still wouldn't let anyone besides Gillian near and that was issue still to be resolved alongside her muteness and violent nightmares. On more than one occasion Gill had been forced to wake the terrified child from sleep when she started to trash around. Usually it took at least an hour to calm distressed girl down.

Gill understood that even with all the progress made, it was still a long way to go, before Lena would heal. She cared deeply for the child and had gotten really attached to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It was the middle of the second week. Gill had just gotten to the facility and was on her way to the second floor when she heard loud noises and worried voices coming from Lena's room. With fear gripped heart she ran rest of the distance only to see three nurses trying to subdue trashing Lena.

"What happened?" she asked moving over to get to the hysteric child.

From experience Gill knew that anxiety attacks usually were triggered by something resembling the traumatizing experience. In Lena's case most probable triggers were loud noises resembling gunshots, like slammed doors, windows, even sound of thunder.

"Electrician changed light bulbs in the lobby and accidentally his stairs fell. Next thing we knew Lena was hysteric..."

"Shhh... honey, it is ok" said Gillian motioning to the nurses to release fighting kid as she kneeled. The rest happened so quickly that she didn't had a chance to react. Gillian was at the same level as Lena, trying to get closer to distressed child. Before nurses had a chance to release her, Lena bite one of them in the hand and with unchildlike force pushed away at the same time violently throwing her head back right into Gill's face.

The impact was so strong, that Gill saw stars in front of her eyes and yelped in surprise and pain. Blood was pouring freely from her nose as well as lower lip that was cut against her teeth.

Somehow everything around her had stilled.

Opening eyes Gill saw terrified look on Lena's face as she looked at consequences of her actions.

"It's ok darling..." Gill stretched out right hand in an attempt to comfort scared girl at the same time trying not to wince from sharp pain she felt putting left palm against swollen nose.

It was important to make Lena realise that she had done nothing wrong. That it was just an accident. As soon as Gill had stretched her arm Lena jumped into her lap and put trembling arms around Gill's neck in surprisingly strong grip and snuggled into her shoulder crying uncomfortably.

Gill was so focused on Lena that it took her a couple of minutes to realise that warm liquid she felt pouring down her face was her own blood. One of the nurses handed her a towel to put in front of her nose and she nodded thanks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Please don't leave... I will behave... Please... I'm sorry..." distressed child kept rambling clinging to Gillian with all her might, fear and terror radiating from her in waves.

"Shhh... Sweetheart, It's ok, I'm ok, I'm fine, no harm done, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere..." Gill murmured soothingly into dark locks. Lena's distress over sight of blood was understandable. Last time she had seen the crimson liquid both of her parents had been taken away. It had traumatised girl's psyche severely. Less explainable was pitch in her voice that Gill detected. It was something more than fear, deeper than desperation.

It felt like she was afraid that Gill would leave her and never look back because of what she had done. That Gill would abandon her because she had been a bad girl. It was a deep fear of not being important enough or good enough to be loved.

###

The rest of day had been psychologically draining. Only at the evening she had managed to convince distressed child that she would never intentionally abandon her.

Upon entering hotel room Gillian saw David sitting there. The fact that he kept appearing inside locked spaces somewhat didn't bother her tonight.

"My God, Gillian, what happened?" he rose and worriedly approached. Putting hand on her face David gently traced the outline of her split lip "Who did this to you?"

With everything that happened she had completely forgotten that she hadn't cleaned her face from dried blood. Well at least that explained dumbfounded and somewhat compassionate looks she had received on her way.

As soon as Lena had calmed down and fell asleep she had fled the institution trying to avoid everyone, wanting nothing more that to crawl in fatal position and cry. She had stayed strong in front of Lena, but her heart broke for the child and emotions she had witnessed today on the tiny face.

"It is nothing. Really." She said unconsciously stepping back. After their last encounter in the car, she felt a bit unsettled by his proximity. This was not the time or place to get into conflicting emotions arisen from that kiss. She didn't have the energy for that anyway.

"Why are you here?" she asked in a bit more harsh tone than she intended as she stepped away and headed to the bathroom in order to clean her face.

Her bottom lip felt sore and was swollen with little traces of blood dried on the surface and she slightly winced when antiseptic touched reddish skin. Some blood was smeared across her face and under the nose. Marks of her attempt to clean the face with the towel kind nurse had given to her. She definitely shouldn't have walked around like this. On the other hand it had not been her main concern.

"Just checking. How are you?" he asked. She noticed a trace of worry and even fear in his voice and understood that for whatever reasons he had not contacted Samantha or anyone else from the institution for updates.

He really was in dark on what was happening here. All the time she had thought that David kept tabs on them, but she had been wrong. He had brought her here and disappeared. Apparently he was in even tougher situation than she had thought. She knew David well enough to be sure that he wouldn't have simply left her there and vanished without a trace if he didn't have a serious reason.

"I'm ok. Everything is ok. Lena is doing better. We are making slow, but steady progress."

"Good. That's good." She saw genuine relief on David's face.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"I need to know more about Lena's background..."

"I'm sorry Gillian, please understand, I can't..." David said remorsefully.

"I understand" Gillian nodded interrupting him. Yes, she did understand, really, but it was tiresome and getting frustrating to be kept in the dark. For the love of God! She was in another city without as much as her documents, phone or credit cards, staying in a crappy motel just to help, yet David was acting as if she was weakest link in the chain, as if she posed some kind of security threat despite the fact the she was involved because of him in the first place.

_It is not that he doesn't trust you_ she kept reminding herself, _it is about his work commitments_, although it didn't help much. For Gillian wellbeing of Lena was far more important than any other engagements and obligations David had.

"I just wanted to make sure you are fine, that you are safe."

"I am. We are."

###

The incident had opened new doors in the recovery. Over next several days' Gillian had managed to get some verbal responses and small replies from the girl.

The first time was when they both were sitting in the yard on a plaid carefully spread on the grass. Gill's back was leaning against old oak tree, Lena securely curled up against her side. Warm afternoon breeze their skin and soft afternoon rays of the sun played on their faces. It was so relaxing and peaceful, that Gill had almost fallen asleep while reading a book. Previous night Gillian hadn't slept properly. Worry keeping her up most of the night. She was worried about David's secrecy, her continuous lies to Cal, but most of all – about the day when she would not be able to see Lena anymore. She cared for the girl deeply and knowledge that one day she would be ripped away from her life just like Sophie had been was horrifying.

In her slumber state she had mixed the characters in the book and Lena had corrected her mistake. Gill smiled and kissed the girl softly on the forehead.

Furthermore, she was slowly accustoming Lena to the company of others, staring with other children as they would seem less threatening. Part of the morning was spent in the common room. Although initially very reluctantly, now the girl was interacting with other children considerably well. She didn't speak with them, but at least participated in games and other activities like drawing.

At the beginning she hadn't taken even a step away from Gillian, but now she felt well even in a distance, although wherever activity she was engaged time from time nervous eyes skimmed through the room to check whether Gillian was still there.

Once when Gill had stepped out for just a second to have a word with Samantha, Lena had almost gone into hysteric. Luckily Gillian had been keeping tabs and stepped back just in time.

Evenings were most difficult time for both of them. Lena started to cry when Gillian was preparing to leave and it broke Gill's heart. Although she didn't want to leave, she couldn't stay either. It was until Gillian thought of a solution. It took most of the money that was left, but next morning before going the facility Gill stopped by the shop and bough cute pink mobile phone with pay-as-you-go card.

It had resolved one issue, but now there was one more problem to solve.

She was short of cash and motel was paid for only two more days. Theoretically she could contact her bank to get some funds or call Cal, he would help her instantly. But she remembered too well firmness with which David had forbidden her to use credit cards or flash her name around here and specifically asked to keep this whole case from her colleagues, especially Cal.

The fear she had seen on his face was convincing enough to do as he instructed. Nevertheless, unless she planned to sleep under a bridge she needed money.

Maybe she could go to the D.C.? It was only a couple of hours drive in both directions anyway.

###

It was Tuesday of third week when Gillian borrowed car from Samantha and early morning headed to the D.C.

A bit chilly early breeze blew through the open windows and familiar soft tunes of jazz played on the CD. Apparently they both had similar taste in music. Although initially she wanted to go to her home, on her way Gillian figured that visit to office would be more effective.

Off course to get some clothes and toiletries would be additional perk, but more cash was stored in the safe at the office. Since she intended to be back in Baltimore before noon as promised to Lena, there simply wouldn't be enough time to visit both places.

Deficiency of current plan was the risk of bumping into Cal. It was not that she didn't want to see him. On the contrarily, she missed him dearly, she just knew him well enough to anticipate questions that she didn't have answers for. Anyway, she should be safe – he was never in the office so early.

Gillian truly hoped that she was not making a huge mistake with this trip and wasn't putting anyone in danger. The truth was that David hadn't said much, but he didn't have to. Signs of fear and worry she read from his body language were enough to chill her bones.

On the other hand, he hadn't answered any of her calls over last three days and she literally was out of options.

###

Gillian was looking for a key to the safe that was well hidden in one of desk drawers when she felt someone's gaze evaluating her every move. She knew this feeling well, because there was only one person in whole wide world who could look at others with such intensity and scrutiny. Only lifting her eyes and seeing familiar figure of Cal Ligtman she realised extent to which she had missed the man, her partner, her best friend.

Seeing his dishevelled and somewhat rough appearance bought wide smile on Gillian's face. God, it had been long! Old saying that _absence makes the __heart__ grow __fondler_ was completely true. She really missed him! His wit, humour, even grumpiness. But most of all – the feeling of security and ease she had when he was around. He made her feel safe and over last week's she lacked this feeling dearly.

"Cal, Hi! I didn't hear you" she said closing the distance and kissing him on cheek.

There was something on his face. Some uneasiness, even stress and Gill momentarily tensed "Are you ok?"

"Hello, luv" he said returning the kiss "I'm good, although would be better with you here. You know – IRS, increasing workload and..."

His tirade brought up guilt and regret for abandoning him, their business. Gillian looked down and tried to come up with some reply when he suddenly stopped.

Apparently trying to change the subject he asked "How have you been?"

"I'm Ok. Everything is Ok." Gill replied turning her back so he was not able to read her. For some reason his question made her feel very vulnerable and she didn't want anything more than to hug him and confess all the fears and stress from past weeks. Instead she tried her best to suppress unwanted emotions and as calmly as she could muster added "just came by to get some of the things I need".

"Have you managed to resolve your personal issues?"

"I'm getting there" she replied trying to conceal guilt and shame she felt for lying. "And that is all I'm saying on the subject" she quickly added seeing his intentions.

_Lena. Think about Lena_. She had to protect the girl and if it meant lying to her partner, so be it. She straightened her posture overpowering nervousness and tension she felt.

"I'm truly sorry I abandoned you, but I will make it up" she said retreating to her desk for the cell phone actively performing "The Blue Danube Waltz" in her purse.

Briefly looking at the number she knew who it was. If she didn't pick up, the girl would get upset. If she did, Cal would analyse every syllable of the conversation. Lose, lose situation.

Deciding that the best course of action would be to pick up, before the child got scared, she quickly exited the office and picked up "Yes, sweetheart".

"I won't go to playroom. I want to wait for you." dissatisfied voice of a six years old announced and Gillian smiled. Lena could be quite persistent when she wanted to be.

"Darling, we spoke about this last evening. I will be there when both arrows will be on twelve. In the meantime why won't you play with the kids? I believe Amy is waiting for you."

"I miss you"

"I miss you too, honey. I will be back as soon as I can, ok?"

"Ok" after a minute of silence Lena added "Mr. Teddy wants' ice-cream"

Gillian laughed. Mr. Teddy was teddy bear that Gill had gotten for the girl. She never went anywhere without him and always took him to bed.

"I'll see what I can do. See you later sweetie. Bye"

Hanging up the phone Gill returned to her office only finding it empty. Maybe that was for the best. She didn't want to lie to her partner, didn't want to hide things from him, but it was not her secret to reveal.

Gillian quickly gathered things and headed out. In no time she was back on the way to Baltimore.

###

It was the middle of the third week. Even before opening doors Gillian heard murmur of voices. Stepping into the bright kitchen with large windows that held view of the garden she greeted familiar faces. It was the room where the medical staff of the facility gathered for coffee, lunch or simply to talk.

"Gillian! How nice to see you darling" grey-haired woman kindly greeted her "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Morning Dr. Lynn. Yes, thank you. How are you today?"

"Thank you honey, I'm as good as it comes" elderly woman replied drying freckled hands in a towel and reaching for clean mug to pour Gillian freshly made aromatic liquid.

Handing over steaming cup Dr. Lynn grinned "Best way to start a day, wouldn't you say?"

Gillian nodded her thanks and they moved further inside on her way greeting other staff members she had gotten acquainted to.

When they sat Dr. Lynn asked "How is Lena?"

"She is better. We haven't started to work on the cause of her trauma, but..." Gillian abruptly stopped. She didn't know how much information regarding Lena was classified. If Dr. Lynn noticed Gill's discomfort, she didn't comment on it.

"I have to say you have worked miracles with the girl."

"She is amazing kid" Gillian smiled. Love and devotion Gillian felt towards the kid was not missed by experienced doctor.

"You know, she is lucky to have you"

Before Gillian had a chance to ask what the other woman had meant, Dr. Lynn continued "This Friday we are taking a group of kids to the Sea museum. What do you think? Would it be too early for Lena?"

Gillian's brow furrowed in concentration. She was seriously weighting all pros and cons, risks and benefits of such a trip. Off course she wanted for Lena to adapt as quickly as possible, but if she was pushed too hard, there was a risk of overstimulation that would backfire.

"I will ask her"

"Ok, let me know what you two decide"

###

"Look, turtles!"

"This fish is funny!"

Voices of excited children were audible all over the place.

To Gill's great delight Lena had easily agreed to go to the excursion. Even with all the walls of self-protection Lena still had around her small heart, Gill knew that she was inquisitive and bright child.

Gillian paused for a moment and allowed several kids run past her. She deliberately was staying behind to observe how Lena was interacting with others outside familiar safety of the hospital. She noticed that the girl tended to follow her more than the group and kept monitoring Gill's location with more firmness than Gill was monitoring hers'. Over time Gill had become even more convinced that deep fear of abandonment Lena displayed had nothing to do with her parent's death. Actually the girl had never asked about them, never said that she missed or longed for them. It was very unusual.

They moved from one dusky corridor to other looking into windows with different residents of the sea. Kids were ecstatic and Gill was happy to see smile on Lena's face.

Near the end of the exhibition there was a large round room with different stands selling souvenirs and sweets. Most of the group had gathered in front of one selling ice cream and Dr. Lynn was already placing order.

"Ice-cream!" Lena squeaked in excitement tugging on Gill's hand "Can I mommy? Can I?"

Gillian froze, heart trembling and overwhelmed with so many conflicting emotions, panic mingling with happiness, hope with dread. Not trusting her voice she nodded her head in confirmation and the girl rushed off.

Single tear escaped Gill's eyes and slowly rolled down leaving wet glistering trail as she leaned against nearest wall for support.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It was late Sunday evening, way after end of the working day and permitted visiting hours. Gillian was on her way out of the hospital.

Digging through her purse for ever elusive lip balsam she rounded the corner separating hallway of the second floor and stairways, when she bumped in to a good looking tall and muscular man in a white gown. Apparently he was one of the night shift's doctors. From the force of impact and surprise Gill lost her footing and if it wasn't for guy's quick reaction, she would have hit the floor. Iron grip on her arm prevented the fall.

"I'm so sorry, It was my fault, I was not paying attention..." reeling from initial shock and kneeling to gather several objects spilled from her open purse Gillian apologetically rambled.

"No problem" the man replied politely "Here, let me help you with that".

"We haven't met before. I'm Gillian" with embarrassed smile Gill awkwardly stretched out her hand at the same time desperately balancing open bag in a way to prevent her other possessions from scattering across flooring.

"Dr. ... Hunt" the man shook her hand.

"I haven't seen you around before"

"It is my first day"

The man was not acting threatening. On the contrary, he was very polite and calm, considering that Gill had bumped into him, but something in his dark gaze made Gill's skin crawl and cold shivers ran down her spine.

For some reason she felt threatened by his proximity. Maybe it was play of shadows, but the smile on handsome face seemed almost plastic, insincere, like a mask pulled over cold and merciful heart. It was not that she had consciously seen something on his face or in the posture, more a hunch, a gut feeling.

Whether he had sensed Gill's discomfort or was in a hurry, the man quickly rose and apologetically smiling handed over several items that had fallen from her bag "I'm sorry, I have to go".

The polite smile never reached his eyes.

"Sure. Thank you and once again sorry"

"No problems"

The man stood up and headed down the hall never looking back.

Gill picked up remaining items, rising up closed her bag and rounded the corner. A thought made her stop dead in her tracks. The strange man was headed in the direction of Lena's room!

Maybe she was overreacting; maybe her fear came from David's bizarre behaviour and unvoiced warnings. Already before on several occasions she had noticed that the whole situation had gotten her paranoid.

Nevertheless Gill decided to follow her intuition and check. Just to be safe.

For some unexplainable reason she took off bumps before rounding the corner the same direction she just came from.

The man unhurriedly passed the empty hallway with hands in his pockets. His posture was not tensed or worried. As a matter of fact it was very casual.

He just passed Lena's room and Gill released breath she didn't know she was holding.

It had been her imagination after all!

She was about to turn around when the man stopped and looking to his left took several steps back.

Now he was standing right in front of Lena's room.

Gill quietly moved forward hiding behind large column at the other end of the dark hallway, heart pounding in her chest.

The man took out small piece of paper, looked at it and moved towards the doors to peek through barred window. He put his hand on the doorknob and swept his gaze in both directions of the dark hallway. Gillian pressed closer to the column she was hiding behind.

As soon as he opened the doors, Gill left her hiding place and as silently as she could ran across the hall.

Through the open doors she saw the man leaning over the sleeping child with a full syringe in hand. Without second thought she stepped inside and reached for the table lamp that was standing on the commode. As she prepared to smash it on the man's head, he turned around.

Instead of hitting the back of his head, she broke glazed item against his face.

The man was taken aback by surprise; he hadn't expected such strength from slim lady, but next moment his face was decorated with cold and soulless smile. Now he would have at least some fun in this dull assignment.

Gill watched in fear as he advanced on her. Running away and leaving Lena behind was not an option. She had to fight, the only problem being that she didn't stand a chance in terms of physical strength.

Before she had a chance to think, the floor give away and she painfully collided with the floor, all air knocked out of the lungs. Dull ache ran through her head and wave of dizziness almost made her sick. Next thing she knew was heavy weight on top of her and merciful cold hands tightening around her neck. She was being strangled.

More desperately she tried to fight, stronger the viselike grip became, lack of air and paralyzing fear only cultivated upcoming panic attack. The crushing weight on her chest was becoming unbearable.

Just before Gill felt that she would black out from oxygen deprivation, above the dark masculine figure she saw two familiar eyes staring at her in mute terror.

The noise had woken Lena and she was standing on feet in her bed.

New wave of adrenalin ran through Gill's veins.

She couldn't give up.

For Lena.

If she did, the girl would be lost; her already traumatised psyche would be too severely damaged. At that moment it somehow didn't occur to Gill that it might not be the main problem. That considering scene she interrupted the man most probably was here to kill and not traumatize the girl.

Adrenalin gave her strength she didn't know she had. She fought. She fought with all her might. There was no place for 'if'. She had to win.

Desperately searching for anything that might help from the corner of her eye Gill saw syringe that had been in the man's hand. It was lying on the floor just outside her reach.

If only she could get a hold on it!

Desperation mixed with fear and adrenaline was powerful combination. The man groaned and loosened his grip a little when a knee slammed into his side. It was a small breakthrough, but it was all Gill needed.

The moment her fingers laced around glazy object she lifted arm and injected whole dose in his jugular. Maybe she was not that kind of doctor, but she definitely knew where to stab.

"Bitch!" the man cursed under his breath smashing her head against the floor and pulling his left arm to check the incision on the neck.

"You will pay for this" he gritted through clenched teeth as he lifted his fist to smack her face. Gill closed her eyes prepared for blow, but it never came. Next moment dead weight dropped on top of her. Emphasis put on 'dead'.

It took almost inhuman effort and considerably more strength that she had to push heavy body away. At least enough to crawl from underneath, but she managed to do it anyway.

There was no time to lose. It was not safe. They had to run. Gill was panting heavily as she rose up, vision doubled and blurred. Courtesy of her head's last meeting with the floor. If only she felt a little less dizzy. There was no way she could pass out now. Not until they were safe.

"Come sweetie, we have to go" Gill murmured lifting scared girl in her arms. Lena didn't have to be told twice. As soon as Gill reached out for her, she grabbed Teddy and enlaced arms and legs around Gill's thin frame in a strong grip.

Holding the trembling child Gillian ran.

Barefooted.

Terrified.

She didn't have a plan or slightest idea where she was going or how she would get there. The fear was looming over her like wild animal, clouding her judgement.

She couldn't ask the staff for help, as they might be involved. She couldn't call the police as she didn't know whether it would be safe for Lena. David had never told her what was really going and from which direction the threat came. It had been her own conclusion that she had made a while ago. Otherwise this whole secrecy wouldn't make any sense. Lena could have received necessary care through official channels and not as a personal favour.

Gillian didn't have a car, as the hotel was within a walking distance from hospital. She couldn't call David, as the cell was in her purse. Luckily she had memorised the number, but what use was of a number if you didn't have a phone.

If only she could get to one, but all offices were locked for night and she was not trained in breaking and entering.

Maybe the reception on the first floor was her best option after all?

Maybe.

Just to be on the safe side she decided to avoid main stairs, but use emergency staircase.

###

Reaching the first floor Gill gently removed sobbing girl from her neck and ushered her under the stairs. Lena refused to let go.

Gill paused a minute to hug her "I'll be back shortly. I promise. But you have to be strong. Strong and brave. I know you can do that."

Lena nodded.

"Teddy fill be here to protect you, you just have to stay quiet, quiet as mouse. Can you do that for me?"

Girl nodded again, clenching the teddy bear to the chest up to the point where her knuckles turned white. Gill's heart broke, but there was nothing she could do for now. First they had to get to the safety.

###

After settling Lena, Gill opened the doors that lead to the corridor. Two corners later she was carefully looking through the barred window of the left side corridor.

The huge round lobby was empty besides the night shift receptionist that idly watched some soap opera on the small TV screen. Gill felt relieved and was about to enter when she heard front doors burst open and a second later several armed men in black entered.

Before the receptionist had a chance to react a bullet shot from the gun with silencer entered her forehead. The dead woman fell back into the couch, blood running freely from the place were just a moment ago her face had been.

In horror and utter disbelief Gill jumped back from the door. Although it was the first time in her life that someone was mercifully executed right in front of her eyes, it was not what had gotten her paralyzed from shock.

Gillian's body shook so violently, that she leaned against the wall and slid down, palm pressed across the mouth to prevent a desperate scream of terror. Panic attack blocking her airways tears running freely down the face, heart pounding in the ears with such intensity as if trying to burst.

She had recognised one of the men.

It was David Burns.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Terrified mind refused to wrap around the thought that one of the armed men who were here to hurt unprotected child was David Burns.

Her former lover. Man she trusted wholeheartedly. The same person whom she had followed without questions when he showed up asking for help, who bought Lena into her life. In what twisted universe any of this made sense?

Maybe Cal was right – she really knew how to pick them.

Gill felt literally sick.

Through the shock, painful pounding in her head and physical dizziness from concussion she remembered small face with big grey eyes embraced by dark locks.

Lena!

She had to get to the girl. Whatever the cost. In her mind there was no doubt that she would die to protect the child.

That instant for the first time Gill consciously realised the depth of unconditional love and maternal instincts she had developed towards kid.

Swallowing down bile that had risen in her throat Gill stood on shaky legs and dashed back to the stairs. They needed to get out. Main entrance was out of equation as it was guarded by at least one man.

Where the hell was rest of the staff? Why there was no reaction to the breaking? At the moment it didn't occur to her that this was not the regular hospital wing, but administrative part. All the nightshift staff, besides lady at the reception desk, was in the right wing of the building.

No one had ever had really explained why Lena had been placed here, in such a separate location from 'regular' patients' wing, from other children. It was not that she hadn't been taken care of. Someone checked on her regularly during the night, it was more a question of practicality of the arrangement.

Emergency exit on the first floor was closed, Gill had already checked it. She was not overly familiar with the structure or evacuation plans of the building and didn't know whether one locked emergency door meant that all of them were locked, but cold logic dictated that it was most likely.

Fear was overwhelming and Gill felt like an animal caged into a corner.

If only she could get to a phone. Arrival of the police would make distraction and maybe they would be able to escape.

Maybe.

Offices with phones were only on upper floors. Second floor was out of question, maybe she should try to reach third?

Then there was other thing to consider – was Lena safer where she had left her or should she take the kid with her? What was the right decision?

Upon reaching the staircase she heard crack of opening doors somewhere above. Apparently they had discovered empty room with dead body and now were searching all over the place. As silently as she could Gillian crossed the remaining distance to the niche under the stairs. Big terrified eyes met her as she put her finger to mouth in hushing gesture. Ducking her head she crawled besides Lena in confined area.

Loud footsteps approached above. Someone was walking down the stairs.

Heavy measured steps. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Definitely a man. Boom. Boom.

Several seconds later the person was practically above them, still descending. Boom. Boom.

Almost at the bottom the footsteps stopped.

Deadly silence settled in.

Gill's heart was banging so strong that it seemed to be audible up to the last floor and she tightened her grip on silently trembling girl.

Several seconds later the footsteps resumed and to Gill's great horror advanced in their direction. She was in no position to fight, her only hope that whoever that was won't spot two figures hidden in the darkness.

Loud noise came from above. Someone else was in the staircase. Hushed voice came from above "Carlo! Carlo..."

"What" came silent but steely reply.

"Boss says check the yard."

"Fine" With that the footsteps retired.

_Thank God! _

It had been sheer fluke, because if Carlo had rounded the corner and went to check emergency exit, he most definitely would have spotted her. The green neon light from the Exit sign would ensure it. As Lena was smaller, she could crawl further in the dark thus being obscure from the light, but Gill had barely managed to squeeze in as it was.

They couldn't stay there. That was for sure. What if Carlo decided to come back and check the emergency exit anyway? What if someone else came?

Moving was risky, but staying was even riskier. What if they went the other way – at the far end of the corridor she just returned from were doors to the basement. She knew it, because a while ago she had accompanied one of the attendants who went there to get something. Truth was at the moment she had absolutely no idea what they had been after, but Gill clearly remembered that the doors had not been locked. That meant there was a chance that they were unlocked now. The room had several narrow windows at the top of the wall. Maybe they would be able to squeeze out.

Gill gently caressed a band of hairs from Lena's face with other hand gesturing her to keep quiet. Lena hadn't issued a single sound since they had left the room. From tactical point of view that was good, but at the same time from psychological purview it terrified Gill. There was nothing to be done until they got out.

The staircase was silent. Gill looked out from hiding place evaluating the situation. It was now or never.

Taking strong grip on Lena's hand Gill crawled out and almost slipped on dark liquid decorating the floor. Luckily she managed to catch her footing before falling face to the floor.

Barefooted, with a terrified child at her arm Gill silently opened the doors leading to the corridor and looked around. Luckily no one was there. It was the same place she just several minutes ago came from. The difference being that this time instead of going left, she headed for the last doors to the right.

They had almost made it to the middle of the hallway, when she saw a ray of light coming from the other side of the corridor. Someone was opening the doors that lead to the rotunda shaped lobby.

Gill opened the first doors and pushed them both inside. Looking around she found small and completely empty room with barred windows.

This is what you feel when you dig your own grave, when you voluntarily walk into a trap. There was not a single place to hide. Even the bloody doors opened to the hallway.

Before Gill had a chance to decide on a course of action, the doors burst open revealing tall and dark figure.

Gill stepped in front of the girl. Holding Lena tightly behind her back she dreadfully stepped back, despair and fear written all over her features. Her head shook in denial, lips silently mouthed 'NO' over and over again.

It took her several seconds for her terrified mind to recognize familiar form of David Burns standing right in front of her eyes.

Tall and strong like a horseman of apocalypse David stepped inside and put a finger against his lips in a hushing gesture.

At the same time Lena looked from behind Gill's back and seeing David opened her mouth to scream. Lena's movement distracted Gill and she looked back to check on the girl.

Gill had seen the girl scared, even terrified, but nothing came even close to the expression she had seeing David.

Before Gill had even slightest chance to react, David moved forward and in a quick manoeuvre pivoted around her at the same time effectively blocking any resistance she could make and injected a small syringe in girl's shoulder. Whole act took mere seconds and before Gill had a chance to even blink Lena's grip loosened as did David's and Gill was forced to watch in utter terror as girl slid down.

The fear she felt earlier that evening while being attacked didn't come even close to what she felt right now.

Till the last moment she held to the hope that David was here to help. No matter how it looked from side she couldn't believe that he would actually harm her or Lena.

But she had been wrong.

David betrayed them.

The man she trusted with all heart, even cared for had betrayed her.

For the first time in life Gillian was literally paralyzed.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Note: **__We are getting closer and closer to the moment when Cal makes his appearance... Thanks for reading and special thanks for the reviews :)_

**Chapter 9**

Before the girl hit to the ground David caught her in strong arms.

"She is asleep. It was only sedative" he whispered gently lifting Lena up. Girl's fall pulled Gillian out of the stupor and she checked child's pulse. It was strong and steady.

"I'm here to help. Please, trust me..." he added seeing Gill's terrified gaze lifted from the sleeping child and fixing on him. Everything had happened so fast. Her fuzzy mind was catching up with delay as pounding in her head became stronger.

"We have to go!" he mouthed and turned to leave.

Gill had no other option than to follow. Even if she fought David, his 'friends' would hear the noise and be there in no time.

She truly hoped that she he was the man she believed he is.

The path they were taking was spinning in front of her eyes and sharp pain in her temples made it difficult to concentrate. Concussion had picked one of the worst timings to act up in full measure. On her way out she almost bumped into the doorframe, as it was impossible to tell which one of three she saw was the real one.

It was sheer determination and willpower that kept Gillian on her toes as she hurried behind David's long strides.

###

They drove in silence. Gill was too much in shock to say anything, but at least the sickening carousel had stopped, although it was only partial relief, because with that headache had doubled.

Lena was sound asleep in the back seat of the car and David was completely concentrated on the road. His gaze time from time nervously shifted to the rear view mirror, but so far no lights were visible.

"How did you find us?" Gill asked once her headache lowered to reasonably manageable level.

"Bloody steps" he said without a hint of humour in his voice.

"What?"

"Your trail was hard to miss" David indicated to her feet.

Looking down she saw the same dark liquid she almost slipped into while hiding under stairs was pouring from an open wound, partially visible piece of glass indicating the reason.

Jesus!

When did she manage to get cut? Then it struck her - the lamp!

When the attacker had pushed her to the ground, she had ended in the fragments of the broken glass. She never felt the pain, actually still didn't feel it. Apparently the shock was far stronger than she thought.

Well, for once expression 'bloody steps' was to be taken literally.

The cut was not overly deep and the blood loss was not threatening, but sudden feel of dizziness overcame her nevertheless. For the second time during the evening Gill fought back the bile that threatened to break free.

All the events of the evening spiralled in front of her eyes in a maddening vortex - cold stare in the man's eyes, hot minty breath on her face as he strangled her, scared eyes of Lena, receptionist's lifeless body silently sliding to the floor, her hand pushing full dose of the syringe in the jugular. Every moment flashed before her eyes in full colour. She had killed someone tonight. A man, a person. She had taken someone's life in cold blood. Murderer. She was a murderer.

"Gill...Can you hear me?...Are you ok?...Gill..." through the cloud of dizziness she heard distant voice. At the same strong arm was shaking her shoulder. Suddenly the voice seemed sharp. Too loud.

Why was he shouting? Where they in danger?

Gillian was drawn back from her reverie and looked at David with wide eyes.

"You scared me. I thought you blacked out on me…" David sighed in sincere relief.

Apparently she had lost track of time. The pounding in her head was making it difficult to concentrate.

"Here, take this, for your cut" David said handing her small first aid kit.

Gill took the box, but didn't move to tend her wound, instead her gaze fell back on David "Where are we going?"

"To a safe place"

Recently he was way too short with explanations.

###

They stopped in front of a motel. Gill hadn't paid much attention to the road and had absolutely no idea where they were. She was not sure whether they were still in Baltimore or how long they had been on the road. She hadn't noticed any familiar sights indicating that they were back in the D.C., but that didn't exclude this possibility.

David turned off the engine and exited the car heading to the reception. Several minutes later he returned with keys in his hand. He moved over the car and opened Gill's doors, cautiously helping her to get up.

"You shouldn't be walking" he said worriedly looking over her small frame, eyes lingering on dark fingerprints clearly visible on her delicately pale neck before moving down to her bleeding wounds.

"I'm fine" Gill replied taking a step and almost tripping over. Strong pain shot from the sole of her right foot. Apparently the gash she noticed before was not the only souvenir from the scattered lamp.

"Take Lena"

"You are in no condition to walk"

"Take Lena, I'll be ok" stubbornness was not her usual trait, but now she didn't care if she was being difficult or irrational. Fear to leave Lena out of her sight even for a second bordered with extreme tiredness as the adrenaline was slowly draining, making dull pain of her injuries more perceptible.

David knew better that to start an argument in the middle of an empty parking lot. They could easily draw unnecessary attention. So he opened the back door and gently lifted sleeping girl putting her over his shoulder. With other arm he firmly supported Gillian as they slowly moved towards the room.

Gillian leaned on him more than she had intended to.

Upon entering Gillian was pleasantly surprised to find that the place looked decent for roadside motel. On the far end there was a bedroom, next to it a bathroom and upon entering they found themselves in what could be called a living room. Apparently by motel standards it was a president suit. Everything was fresh and clean. It was not being picky. She simply didn't want Lena to wake up in a shabby place.

Once inside David disappeared behind doors of bedroom. Gillian followed him, with each step limping visible more profoundly. After settling the sleeping girl on the bed David returned to the car and re-parked it behind the side wall of the hotel. Now it was not visible from the street. One could never be too cautious.

When he reappeared with first aid kit in hands, Gillian had already tucked the sleeping girl and was gently stroking her hair.

"Gill" he softly called her name. She didn't react, so he tried a little louder "Gillian"

When she still didn't reply, he moved closer and carefully shook her shoulder "Gill"

She turned and looked at him with distanced expression.

"We need to tend your cuts"

She shook her head in agreement, but didn't move. She just didn't have the strength. Only when David reached over to scoop her up, she evaded and with a sight raised her tired bones.

David felt hurt by her rejection, but didn't show it. At least she didn't refuse a hand offered to support her walk.

The truth was that it was not so much about refusing HIS help, but not being able to withstand close proximity. Pressing weight on chest and merciless hands around throat were too vivid memories in her uneasy mind. She still could smell hot minty breath, see cold empty eyes lingering above her face as she was forced closer and closer to the dark abyss.

In the middle of the living room was low sofa. Sitting Gill down David kneeled in front of disconnected woman and opened the box. Taking her petite foot in his claws he assessed the incision. It was not deep, but nasty. David took out piece of glass and gently washed the blood from porcelain, almost translucent skin with a wet cloth. She looked even paler than usually.

The cloth dropped into a bowl of lukewarm water slowly turned transparent liquid in red shade. Once the blood was washed off, David applied antiseptics and put on bandage.

Other cut was on the sole of her foot. This one was more tricky, as the piece of glass had completely entered her soft skin, only intumescence around the place indicating true nature of the injury.

"This will sting" he warned.

Gillian just sat there absentmindedly biting bottom lip. She looked so lost and vulnerable that David wanted nothing more than to comfort her, to cradle her into his arms and never let go.

He took forceps and tightening the grip around her foot opened the wound. Gill silently yelped from sudden pain, but other than that didn't show any emotions.

David was impressed. He had never thought her being the tough one.

Once wound was tended and securely wrapped up, David's hands went up searching for other injuries. His hand unconsciously traced dark marks left on delicate skin of her neck and Gill flinched and momentarily backed away lifting hands in defensive pose.

"Sorry. Didn't want to scare you. Does it hurt?"

"No" she lied.

"Here, take these. They will numb the pain" David said handing her two pills and a glass of water.

After swallowing the medication, Gill closed her eyes.

"A man named Adams will pick you up shortly. He will help" standing up David handed her the cell that in she had left behind in Lena's room together with her purse.

In complete autopilot Gill had mimicked David's movement and also had risen from the seat. But those were his words that made Gillian finally snap out of the stupor she had been since they left the hospital "You are leaving us? Here?... Who were those people? ... Why you were with them? ... Why we can't go the police? ..."

David looked at her remorsefully "I have to go... they will be looking for me..."

That was the last straw that finally made usually collected and level headed Gill snap. For the love of God! They were almost killed, but David kept playing 'Guess the melody' without giving at least several tunes. Psychologist in her knew that she was lashing out more of bottled up stress, fear, shock and guilt than actual anger, that she spoke emotions not logic, but she didn't care.

She was sick of it all, sick of lying and hiding, of guessing and wondering, of being afraid and stressed. She hated David for keeping her in dark, for putting them both in peril, but most of all for putting expression of utter terror on Lena's face. The mix of emotions she felt suddenly transformed into full blown anger. Who the hell did he think he was?

"I always thought Cal was arrogant, but you have trumped him thousand times. Who gave you right to play God? Decide who would live and who – die? Are we all just a marionettes in a great game of David Burns unworthy of as little as ray of light, a hint of truth? If I'm supposed to die could I at least know why... if it isn't too much to ask off course..."

Completely inappropriate thought ran through David's mind as he watched her rave – _God! She was gorgeous! _

He had always found her beautiful, but in a calm, serene way. He knew that deep down underneath that good-girl exterior was passionate spirit, she just never unleashed it. Either she believed that it was inappropriate or was afraid of it, he didn't know, but at this moment in her justifiably full blown rage that made her usually pale skin blushed and eyes sparkling with fire it had finally gotten free and David felt mesmerised.

Suddenly she stopped. All anger that had made her eyes spark was gone in an instant. It was replaced by something deeper and more painful. Next words put a dagger in David's heart.

"I killed a man today" she said in a completely detached cold voice that sent chills down his bones "Nothing can change that. Can I at least know why?"

Although David was silent, his face was laced with regret. The message was clear -_ I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything, for dragging you into this mess, for not being able to protect you, both of you..._.

Gillian had never seen him so heartfelt and broken.

"Just tell me the truth, David" she said with a sight, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Suddenly Gill felt very tired, as if the weight of the whole world was crushing down on her.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Note: **__Still getting closer, but not quite there yet... As always - thanks for reading and million thanks for the reviews :) _

**Chapter 10**

"Just tell me the truth, David."

It was not an order, more a desperate plea.

David sadly looked up at battered woman. Dark fingerprints on delicate neck were clear reminders of his failure. If it wasn't for her own resentfulness, she would have died tonight. They both would have died. Only now full realisation of what had happened before his arrival was kicking in.

It was his fault. He had failed to protect them. Moreover, he was responsible for Lena, but did it justify him dragging Gillian in this mess and putting her life in a peril? It was a rhetorical question, because he already knew the disturbing answer. Nothing, never could justify that.

Gillian had been brightest spot in his complicated life, most genuine and meaningful relationship he ever had. He had walked out of her life never looking back, knowing well enough that it was for the best, but regretting the decision ever since.

In his heart he had never truly let her go. Walking away had been toughest thing he had ever done.

It was truth when he told her that last thing he expected in this job was to fall in love. Maybe only truth uttered out of his lips, because everything else had been lies. His real name was not David Aderton. In reality he was not a psychologist, at least not in a common sense of this word as he didn't held any diploma. He was psychologist taught by streets, criminals and life itself.

Memory from his confession during the escapade with Little Moon entered his mind.

_I have had to pretend to be a scumbag my entire carrier. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. Murder is not one of them_.

Only the first part of the confession had been true. And even that was a light version of it.

He knew that having someone so pure and innocent as Gillian in his life was too selfish. He would drag her to his level. Taint her.

And that was not the worst part. The worst part was the huge risk it would involve. He was too deep into this shit for way too long and had too powerful enemies.

Even if he left the work, moved to another place, another country he would never be free. The past would come back to bite him in the ass.

Furthermore, the darkness had put an ugly mark on his soul. One that could not be erased, could not be redeemed.

Over last year everything had gotten far worse. His way of thinking, behaviour had drastically changed, adapted to the environment. Maybe even too much adapted. The betrayal, enemies and death was around each corner and that was what he breathed for. What was the saying – act like a wolf, then become one.

Then Lena showed up in his life. Her parents were killed and if it wasn't for him, the girl would be dead too. He had to take care of the child, but usual channels were closed. He couldn't put her under police protection, couldn't even let anyone know who or where she was. The stakes were too high for both of them. He felt responsible for the kid and in a way felt sorry for her loss.

When he took unconscious girl from the mansion, David wowed to find her best care possible.

Only one person came into mind, only one person he trusted. Gillian.

He knew it was wrong to ask her help. Knew that the main reason behind his decision was low, even for him, but that didn't stop him anyway. He knew Gillian, knew that her kind and loving nature would never allow refusing his request.

If she only had said no, she wouldn't be in this mess. His mess.

He asked and she complied. With everything, even his demands that were exaggerating.

Extent to which she trusted in him was unbelievable. It was not that she didn't ask questions or was stupidly following; she just never really pressed, seeing how difficult whole half-truths thing was for him. Not until now.

He remembered the way Gillian stepped completely in front of the girl when he entered the dark room. The way she protected her was sight to behold. Deep love and care was seen in the woman's eyes as she looked at the girl and it warmed David's heart.

Hell! Why life had to be so complicated? He was really glad that Gillian had accepted Lena in her life, but at the same time was afraid of the cost she might have to pay. Gill's life was already turned upside down and most probably would never be the same without additional details he had withheld from her.

Gillian was right. She had a right to know.

On one hand the rules dictated that he had to withhold classified information, but on the other hand the same rules prohibited civilian involvement in secret operations. Thus David already had bet some of them. Hiding Lena at the hospital by using his private contacts was breach number one, involvement of Gillian – number two.

The truth was that up to now he truly believed that keeping Gillian in dark was safer for all of them. With all her good qualities, Gillian was a terrible liar.

But now, after everything that had happened tonight she deserved to know the truth. He just wasn't sure how much should be revealed.

Soft noise of sigh brought him back from the reverie.

"Gillian, I..." he started looking up at fragile form leaning against the doors.

Suddenly Gillian swayed and clenching eyes covered them with sweaty, slightly trembling palm.

Momentarily David was up supporting her weight which by the way was too light for his liking. Man's gut turned with guilt. Without doubt this too was his fault.

Gill kept her eyes shut and although weak in her knees didn't faint. David had never checked her head and therefore was unaware of the huge bump on the back of it. He also didn't know that concussion was playing tricks with her vision and vestibular system.

Thankful that David was guiding her, Gillian made it to the bed. If it wasn't for David's strong hold, she wasn't sure she would have made it and even less sure she would have hit the right spot as three edges of the bed were dancing before her eyes.

"Are you alright?" deep concern was eminent in David's voice.

"I'm fine." Gill replied more confidently than she felt. She knew she needed a hospital. She also knew that for some reasons Lena would not be safe there. More than anything she knew that there was no way she would leave the girl unguarded.

If the headache hadn't been so bad and Gill was more rational, she would have detected the lack of logic in her judgement. If she passed out or even worse – died there would be no one who could look after Lena. But it was fear and not logic that guided her now.

Until David explained what the hell was going on, she would not let Lena out of her sight.

Unfortunately her body had different agenda. Before reaching the destination Gill's vision blurred, knees gave away and she passed out.

Concussion combined with execution won the battle over will.

David caught and gently put her on the bed.

Sitting on the bedside, he reached forwards and lightly traced the outline of her face. Without lines of worry and fatigue she looked a lot younger and even more fragile.

As gently as possible with rough fingertips, he checked Gill's head for injuries. She hadn't just fainted. That much he knew for sure.

Some small cuts were visible under the hairline. Although that were not life threatening, they still needed to be cleaned. For a moment he wondered what really had happened in the hospital.

When he reached the back of the head he palpated huge pulsating bump that was swelled all around. He was not a doctor, but knew that this kind of head trauma indicated concussion.

It also explained the disorientation, emotional changeability he noticed before as well as sudden blackout.

She needed hospital. Needed X-ray. It broke his heart to know that she didn't trust him enough to tell about the injuries.

With sadness in the eyes David leaned closer and put a gentle kiss on woman's forehead, before he hurriedly stood up and left the room.

###

Cold merciful hands dug deeper in the neck blocking the airways. She was choking, lack of air sending burning sensation to the lungs.

Suffocating.

Dying.

In a panic she fought, fought with all the might only to realise that it was futile attempt, her hands were stilled by an invisible force.

Realising that it had been a dream, a memory Gill opened bloodshot and glassy eyes.

The room was dark and spinning.

It took a moment to realise that what she had felt was not just a nightmare.

It was real!

A hand firmly pressed against her mouth was preventing her from screaming.

Heavy weight was crushing her, her hands were immobile, dark figure was looming over her, blocking her view.

_No!_ _Not again! _


	11. Chapter 11

_**Note: **__The time for answers, at least some of them__**... **__*sighs*... Hope you will enjoy :) And special thanks for the reviews – they are always welcomed :) _

**Chapter 11**

"I need your help" said tall masculine figure looming over the doorsteps. Expression of fear plastered on his face.

Cal had met the guy only once in life and therefore was completely taken aback by his appearance here and at this hour.

What was his name, Adams, was it?

Most probably Cal would have forgotten all about him, if their meeting hadn't resolved around Gillian. Maybe he was lousy with faces, but Cal had tendency to remember every detail when the matters concerned his partner.

Their paths had briefly crossed in the hospital where David Burns was administered after ordeal with Little Moon. The same David Burns whom Gillian, to Cal's great dissatisfaction, had let into her life and bed.

"Please"

Glancing worriedly over the shoulder to the dark street, as if expecting that someone had followed him here, the man added "Come with me. There is no time, I'll explain everything on the way."

Urgency and fear reflecting on other man's face as well as desperation in his voice was enough to get Cal into action.

"Give me a second"

Cal was already on the move as he retreated back into the room to grab the phone from the coffee table where he earlier had absentmindedly tossed it. The fact that David's boss had appeared out of the blue was strange, but moreover worrying. Come to think of it, in a way it could explain Gill's sudden disappearance, even guilt for choosing romantic getaway with David over her responsibilities. Maybe that really was the case and now they both were in danger? The thought made his heart sink, both out of jealousy and fear.

Whatever was going, he sincerely hoped it didn't involve Gillian. It was less jealousy and more fear speaking. If she was hurt in any way, he wowed to kill David with bare hands.

Because of the darkness, in his hustle Cal almost tripped on a small step separating living room from the lobby, but managed to catch the balance just in time. Grabbing the jacket from the hanger Cal locked the door.

Somehow he got a feeling that it will be a long trip.

The air outside was chilly as they hurried down the dark street, the man kept glancing around worriedly, but not a single form of life was detectable. Cal was wondering how far they are going by foot and was about to voice the question, when he disappeared in a small passage between bushes. Following man's footsteps Cal crept out in a small parking lot unseen from the street due to greenery. He had even forgotten that there was one of those. There on the other side dark sedan was parked. Adams had already unlocked the car, climbed inside and cautiously checking something on the rear seats.

The lighting was poor and all Call could see from his vantage point were dark shadows, but getting closer he noticed that it was rather someone than something. Leaning over the window he tried to get a better glimpse and gasped in shock and disbelief.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

As soon as the man opened glove compartment a small ray of light escaped. It was not a decent lighting, but enough for Cal to have better view. His eyes widened in dread, heart skipped a beat and then slowed as stone cold fear spread through his veins at the sight of two forms covered in blood. One he knew well – it was a man whose life he helped to save once. He was halfway sitting, halfway lying on the back seat, head leaned against the window. In was impossible to tell whether the man was asleep or unconscious; makeshift dressing on his shoulder was slowly oozing with blood. Partially spread across the seat, head resting on his lap laid skinny dark haired girl about about 5 or 6 years old. Her face, dark curls as well as pink nightgown was covered with dried blood. Even in sleep kid's expression was tensed.

"We need a hospital!"

"Keep your voice down. We don't want to draw attention."

"They need medical care!" Cal argued in more subtle voice.

"The girl is fine, it is David. He was shot."

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you everything on the way. We have to go. Now!"

Cal hurried over to the other side of the car and jumped in the passenger seat. Doors were not even shut when Adams sped off.

###

The car had moved from barely lit area to a highlighted freeway. Now Cal could have a better look. Adams had not lied – it seemed that the girl really was not hurt. David on the other hand was completely different story. The wound had started to ooze more profoundly.

"I gave him sedatives for pain" Adams broke the silence "The hospital is out of question. Unfortunately. But he will get medical support at our destination."

"And that would be?" Cal asked in a voice full of malice.

"You'll see."

The man's attitude had changed. From the moment he had gotten Cal into the car, the fear had vanished from his face, replaced by unreadable calculative expression of control. Still Cal sensed it to be a mask. Like he was trying to be in charge of a situation, he had absolutely no control over.

"Your explanation better be bloody good!"

Adams sighed.

"David had been working undercover for last one and a half year to one of the most powerful drug lords in the east coast. The man everyone knows as Shark."

"The same one who..." Cal interrupted surprised. Shark was one of the most prominent businessmen of the east coast, but everyone knew that the rumours about his connections to criminal world were more than just rumours. Mostly drugs, but also trade of illegal firearm and human trafficking were not beyond him.

"Yes. That is the one. David and two of my other agents had managed to successfully infiltrate the organisation, but David had made it to the top of the food chain. Tonight everything went crashing down. David contacted me and we agreed to meet tonight, but the situation got out of control. We believe that there is a rat among us."

Cal was observing the man – although he was telling the truth, something important was left unsaid. Vital information concealed.

"We need your help to find out who the traitor is and we need to find him fast."

Ok, that explained why he was extracted from the comfort of his home in the middle of the night. But there definitely was more to the story, than Adams shared.

"What you are not telling me?"

"I haven't managed to contact other two men. Their and other people's lives depend on it."

"That is not what I mean."

"Tell him the whole truth!" came low raspy voice from the rear.

"Look who decided to join us. Welcome back."

"Adams" David whispered in a threatening voice "Tell the whole truth or I will". David was not surprised by Adam's behaviour. The man always tended to keep everything close to vest, sometimes even too close and that had caused clashes with field agents before. One thing was orchestrating whole deal in Washington office working on a computer, quite another was being in the field where information could prove to be question of life and death.

"Don't forget who gives orders around here" Adams warned.

"God damned! Tell him whole truth, don't you see - we are in such a deep shit that your tendency to withhold information is making more damage than good" David interfered, words slightly slurred.

For a moment it seemed that Adams will explode at clear disrespect of his authority. It was not agent's job to decide what information is to be declassified, and even less so to chide senior officer in front of civilian. Unfortunately he needed cooperation of both men, because carefully planned operation was failing right under his nose. Most of all, he couldn't risk to alienate David. Partially that was the reason he had agreed to collect this arrogant lie detector. That and of course desperate need to find the mole as soon as possible.

"Fine" Adams replied after moment "Be it your way."

Briefly glancing over at the man sitting in the front passenger seat he thought whether he should prepare him somehow for the bomb he was about to throw. Why the hell bother, he wanted the truth, here it is.

"Your partner was taken"

"What do you mean? Gillian? Taken by whom?"

"Shark's men."

It took Cal a moment to fully comprehend implication of man's words. The second they sank in, Cal's heart skipped a beat and sharp pain run through his chest. Terrified he looked first at Adams and then at David hoping that it was not truth. Unfortunately one grim and one guilt ridden face confirmed dreadful words to be true.

"How?" Cal asked in atypically weak voice.

"We were attacked."

"If this is your fault..." Cal whispered through gritted teeth looking over his shoulder at David.

"It is, but not in a way you think" David replied vividly remembering his and Cal's confrontation.

_Admit it. You want her._

_Yes I do. In a worst possible way._

Everything else that day had been lies, but both men new that it had been single moment of truth.

"What do I think?" Cal asked in a voice full of venom, although he knew perfectly well what David had meant.

As much as David didn't want to admit it he needed Cal's help, Gillian needed his help. It was not the time or the place to spice up Cal's obsessive control streak and obvious jealousy.

"It was not romantic getaway. Gillian was helping me to look after Lena. It was not supposed to go this way... Adams should have picked them up at the hotel."

"Them?"

"Gillian and Lena" Davis replied looking down at sleeping child.

So Lena was the girl.

"I brought Lena to the car, but before I had a chance to get back for Gillian, they already had her." David went silent for a moment, almost as if putting up courage to continue. Voice guilt ridden "Shark's men. My men. I tried to get to her..."

"And got a bullet." Adams emotionlessly finished for him.

"And you didn't stop them!" Cal's anger shifted towards Adams.

"Without David we don't have a case."

Bloody hell! Although underlying message was not voiced, Cal heard it unmistakably. If the man was not behind the wheel and they were not on a freeway speeding 99 miles per hour, he would have strangled the bastard.

Casualty!

For him Gillian was a casualty of an operation gone bad. A pawn to sacrifice in some power play, a play of justice.

"There was nothing much I could do, not without putting at risk two other lives." Adams added without real necessity. Cal already got the message.

"Bonkers!" try as he might to control it, Cal's temper was getting better of him.

Next moment his anger was overpowered by sudden realisation. He sharply turned his torso back and accusingly glanced at David.

Only now his mind caught up the implications of David's choice of words.

..._before I had a chance to get back for Gillian..._

Remorse in David's face only confirmed his suspicions. If she was ok, she would have gone with David in the first place, no need to get back for her. There was only one explanation.

"How bad was she hurt?" Cal asked in a deadly tone.

"Concussion. She lost consciousness in the hotel."

"How was she hurt?"

"I don't really know... It was before I got to them..." David paused "She was protecting Lena..."

"And you didn't bring her to a hospital?" Cal asked incredulously.

"I was about to... but before I could, everything went south" He didn't want to admit out aloud, that he hadn't known about her injuries until she lost consciousness. That Gillian had felt it necessary to hide her state from him, that she didn't trust him enough. It was too hurtful.

"You bloody wankers..."

"Don't wake the girl!" Adams coldly interrupted Cal's tirade before it even started.

David closed his eyes in shame, but Adams was not affected by Cal's harshness. It was not that he was heartless bastard per se, but his position required certain level of ruthlessness. Adam's analytical and calculating mind was what had promoted him to the position of deputy director of DEA. And that had meant making tough decisions. Apart from today Adams had never been in the field, especially with bullets flying all around. It had been an eyes opening experience. Completely different reality from the one he was used to. Where life and death decisions were taken working on a computer in a cosy office. Nevertheless, his decision to leave the woman behind would not be altered even if it was not his own life in danger.

The end justifies the means.

That was his motto.

###

An armed escort led them down long empty hallway with security enabled doors on each side. One of the guards was carrying sleeping child, two others were helping David.

Moving had reopened wound on his shoulder and blood was pouring more freely colouring shirt in deep burgundy colour.

The procession was headed by Adams. Here, on his own territory the man seemed even more confident and arrogant than before. It only strengthened Cal's desire to beat the hell out of him for leaving Gillian behind, but considering that they were surrounded by heavily armed guards Cal had a hunch that it was not the best idea.

"Put the girl on the couch in my office" Adams instructed "No one and I mean no one gets in. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir"

Cal noticed David's worried gaze following departing figures.

"Now, let's get you fixed" Adams continued "I will get a doctor. Third doors to the right, help him out" he addressed Cal indicating to the departing trio of men.

Cal hated to be bossed around, especially by someone like this Adams character and was about to make his point, but was stopped by David.

"Lightman, let him do his job so you can do yours."

###

Cal was pacing around the small room. What the hell took him so long? Some twenty minutes ago doctor had bandaged David's wound and left the two men alone in the small room. Despite the fact that David was only partially awake, as the sedatives were kicking in full measure, the tension between them was almost palpable.

Luckily the bullet went through and no major arteries were damaged. He hadn't even needed blood transfusion. Now patched up and a little bit worse for wear David was resting on forensics' operation table that it its long life had seen more dead than alive 'patients'.

This waiting was killing Cal. Every second passed as agonizing torture. Worry for Gillian rocket high. Never a patient man, Cal desperately needed to act. He knew that Adams was arranging everything for him and that included tracking and dragging his employees to the office during the black of the night. Intellectually Cal understood that it all took time, that there was nothing else he could to for now, but his heart was filled with dread. What if Gillian was already dead? What if they killed her and tossed the body somewhere like trash.

"She is alive" David's voice broke the silence.

"How the hell can you know that?" Cal shouted with much more emotion in the voice that he had wanted to reveal.

"I know the way they operate. I'm one of them. Remember."

"If you are so smart, please, do tell how they operate" Cal spat, malice dripping from the words. Only seconds later he wished he had not opted for the truth.

David painfully sighed. "They will try to make her talk; to learn who else is involved, because whoever betrayed us could hand over me, me and other two agents, but no one, not even Adams knew about Gill's involvement."

Cal stopped in the middle of stride and with fear filled eyes looked at David "It means..."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Note: **__A bit of angsty, but hope you will like anyway... some more truths revealed... :) Million thanks for the reviews :) _

**Chapter 12**

Cal stopped in the middle of stride and with fear filled eyes looked at David "It means..."

David didn't say the words, but the confirmation of Cal's fears was there. It meant extracting information by any means necessary, torture not excluded.

The tension in the room doubled, if not even tripled.

"Why Gillian was looking after the girl?" Cal asked trying to shut down mental images that the last piece of information brought to his over imaginative mind. Even his best effort couldn't stop the hands from shaking.

David opened glassy eyes and focusing his stare Cal straight in the eye answered "I asked her to".

After a brief pause he added "Lena's parents were killed. She does not have anyone..."

"Why didn't Gillian tell me?"

Verbal answer was not needed, as Cal saw everything on the other man's face. David was to exhausted and hurt to keep neutral mask in place.

"I see – she wanted to, but you didn't allow..." Cal went on. At that point he had passed caring for other man's condition. He wanted to go straight for the jugular. Hurt David for endangering Gillian's life, not protecting her, putting her hell. The inquisition, part that Cal was so good at, just started.

"Why? Did you think she would rattle you out? Off course not. Fear. You were afraid. Believed that the girl was in danger, didn't you? Yep. That is the one. What does a mob boss want with six years old?"

A full rollercoaster of emotions crossed David's face - guilt, regret, shame.

"Why Shark is after Lena?" Cal pressed "Is she his? No. Did she see something she was not supposed to? Yes, that's it... So she is your star witness..." Cal observed David like a hawk ready to attack, but what he was looking for was not there. Shark really was after the girl. Bingo. But the girl was not a key witness. Before Cal started further deductions, uncharacteristically to him David offered the information himself. Apparently the sedatives were from the good stock.

"Lena was there when her parents were killed. Shark himself killed them. When he found out that the girl had been on the scene, he knew she was the loose end. That is why he is so adamant to eliminate her. He thought that she was the only witness, only one who could bring him down."

Although David didn't say everything, Cal got the message. Shark had been mistaken, because David had been there too. And that is why Adams was so adamant to not lose both of his key witnesses. It was a star case – to bring down one of the most prominent drug dealers would open any carrier doors for Adams.

Without David, or at least Lena there was no case. The guy was too smart and therefore there was no link directly tying him with crime. Except this one, off course.

"Why he did it? I mean killed himself? I believe there are more than enough men ready to do it for him, including you" The last part was meant as barb, but David didn't take the bite. Fucking Captain America.

"He was sending a message. Message what happened to those, who betrayed him. Lena's father was Emilio Rodriguez."

Finally it made sense. From the news he knew all about unsolved brutal murders of Emilio and Heather Rodriguez. It had been all over the news for at least a weak. Although never the official version, rumours were that Shark was the one behind them. Streets were whispering that Emilio had gotten so confident and impudent that stole from his master more than five millions. Cal didn't know more details, but he knew men like Shark. They never forgot. They never let it go. In their business letting someone go unpunished was weakness.

"Did Gill know any of this?" Cal probed further, answering his own question "No, she didn't. You didn't tell her, did you? Dragged her into this mess un-warned and unprotected..."

Strong feeling of shame struck Cal right through the heart. He was such a wanker! Countless times he had done the same thing to his partner. He had withheld information and made decisions for her, believing than less she knew, safer she was. Maybe the situations were not so deadly and finally turned out for the best, but the principle was the same. He had dragged her along un-warned and unprotected. Now Cal was ready to kill David for the very same thing.

And Gillian. Even though she was no fool and most probably knew it, she still trusted them enough to get tangled along.

One more thing. It was true - Cal was good at reading emotions, but rarely able to interpret them without at least basic background. He needed a direction in which to probe, to press for the right answers. Now with David he had it, not the whole picture, but at least starting point. He didn't have the leverage last times he has seen Gillian and thus interpreted everything so wrong.

Without any insight on what was going on, he had invented the background based on the assumption that the world cycled around him. Apparently he was not the centre of the universe after all.

The truth was that some people were especially vulnerable to shame about lying and experienced high deception guilt. Gill was one of them. She didn't feel ashamed for doing something wrong, but for deception. Although David had especially asked her not to tell anybody, including Cal, she felt guilty for lying to her partner and best friend. They had promised that there would be no more secrets between them and she felt like she was betraying his trust.

Damned! If he had thought rationally and not perceived everything like jealous schoolboy he would have seen flaws of his initial deduction. Gill was not the one who ran away from difficult conversations and if there was someone else in her life she would have said it directly. It was not in her nature to play out dramatic scenes and complicated setups. That sounded more like himself and Zoe.

Gill had always gone for plain and simple. One of her traits that had gotten his attention in the first place. Initially he had thought that her caring, kind, positive and level-headed personality was just an act. Mask of psychologist. It took some time to realise that it was not an act, but her nature, her very essence. She was a full package and somehow he kept forgetting that and continued to evaluate her against his own twisted set of measurements.

If he had pressed her, pushed to open up, share her worries and not acted as offended lover, she might have not been in such a mess. He would have been able to protect her. Cal was furious at himself. Self loathing was mixed with anger.

And then there was irrational part of the equation. Hurt. The thought that there was someone else besides him in whom Gillian trusted so unconditionally stung deeply. More deeply than Cal cared to admit. It was true, he had dragged her along for deadly ride more than once and she had always followed. Always was there for him. Always supported him and picked up the pieces. He resented the idea that there was someone else in her life for who she was willing to do the same.

Low? Yes.

Contemptible? Yes.

True? Sadly, but yes.

The hurt combined with fear for Gill's life and hate for the man sitting across him made Cal snap. He wanted to hurt David, not physically, as it would not be fair fight, but emotionally would do. For now "I saw the way you looked at her..."

"Whom?" David asked irritated. Did Cal really think it was the best time to have jealous fight over woman they both clearly cared for deeply? Next question caught him by a surprise.

"Who is she to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. The girl. Lena. Who is she to you?"

David looked away, but didn't reply. Now Cal saw more profoundly what he had noticed before. There, underneath those layers of worry and fear was pride.

"You said her parents were killed, but that is not entirely true, is it? ... No, it isn't... That's what I thought. There is something more to it" Cal paused like a boxer before making final blow. "Lena is your daughter!"

Cal was eying the other man was a hawk ready for an attack "She is, isn't she?... I saw that, don't even try to deny..."

Sudden realisation enlightened Cal "That is why you involved Gillian... It was a perfect plan. You knew Gillian well enough to anticipate what would happen. You knew that once she had let the girl into her life, she would never be able to walk away. Not Gillian. So this was your way of tying her to you. Who would have thought that almighty Captain America has to go so low to get a woman?"

Arrogance and condemnation in Cal's voice was irritating, but it was the sting of the truth voiced that finally got David to snap "What do you want to hear? That it is true? Well it is, Lena is my daughter. Daughter I knew nothing about up to two days before order was given to kill her parents. That meaningless affair had lifelong consequences? Because they do. Do you want to hear how it feels to witness cold blooded killing of the mother of your child and her husband? Although I didn't pull the trigger, I was there. I knew about Lena's presence in the room, knew that she was hiding in the closet and was forced to witness it all. I knew it, but didn't do anything about it. Only thing I did do was pray. For the first time in my life and not for the souls of the dead, but for girl to keep silent, for her presence to remain unnoticed. You most probably will be glad to hear that I helped to shatter psyche of my own daughter and made Gill to pick up the pieces, because that is exactly what happened. Do you want to hear that I regret walking out of Gill's life and that I want her back? I do. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I knew that involving Gill was a mistake. I knew, but did it anyway. And you already guessed that it was only partially because she was the only one I trusted with my daughter's life. It is true, I was selfish. I wanted her to be part of Lena's life, part of my life. Is that what you want to hear? Because it's all true. I fucked up when I was not able to protect them. Nothing you could say or do can make me feel worse than I already do. Gill was kidnapped and it was my fault. Nothing can change that. Is this enough Father or you need more?"

David stopped, unconsciously wincing from pain. His tirade had got him sitting on the table and with adrenalin wearing off he was starting to feel less steady.

Cal was silent. It was one of the rare occasions when he was left speechless. He had wanted truth, deliberately pushed David's buttons, but he had never anticipated for the man to admit it. He had wanted truth, he had gotten one. Whose fault was that he could not digest it? What else was there to say? Cal blamed David for what happened to Gill, but the man already had condemned himself. Raw emotions he witnessed on the other man's face were far deeper than guilt. Figuratively speaking all Cal could do was to add a nail, to already over-nailed coffin.

It wouldn't help anyone. Wouldn't help Gill.

There was something else he had seen on the other man's face that made his heart sink. An emotion. One that had no right to be there. Not when David spoke about Gillian. Maybe a bit rough at the edges, a bit twisted in its own way, but it was love. David loved Gillian. Plain and simple. And opposite to Cal he was not hiding it.

What scared Cal to the core was the possibility that she loved him back. Being latter the true, it meant that Cal had lost his chance, one true chance of happiness.

Luckily both men were saved from angry glare contest, as the doors flung open and Adams appeared with unreadable expression on his face.

"Show time!"


	13. Chapter 13

_**Note: **__It is always darkest before the sunrise... the question off course stands whether one lives to see the lights of a brand new day... just saying..._

**Chapter 13**

Pain. White, sheer sensation engulfing in its depth, almost paralyzing with its intensity. It was difficult to concentrate, think, even breath.

_Where am I? What happened?_

Flashes of events leading to this point started to play in Gill's mind.

David. Lena. Hospital. Attack. Escape. Motel.

The vortex of the memories was almost suffocating.

David had helped them, lead them to the motel, tended her wounds.

Then nothing. Blackness. Empty slot. No memories at all, until she felt heavy weight crushing her in the bed, huge palm firmly pressed against her mouth preventing her from screaming. She didn't know the dark figure looming over her, hadn't seen him before, but the man radiated air of violence and crime. It was not hard to guess what he was looking for.

Lena.

_Where is she?_ Gill desperately tried to move, to have at least a glimpse in the next room, but the hold on her was almost deadly.

"Where is he? Where is Mike?"

_Who? _Who was he talking about? Gill didn't know any Mike. Maybe it all was a huge mistake. Unfortunately guy's next words proved her hopes wrong.

"Where is the girl?"

Gill shook her head in negating gesture and the guy loosened his grip.

"I don't know..." she managed to choke out through coughing fit. It seemed that it was not the right answer as the guy slapped her hard across the face, leaving angry red welt behind.

"Don't be a smart ass..."

Muffled voices were heard over transmitter, someone answered. There was more than one of them in the room.

"It's Rob. He says that someone called the cops. We have to go. Now!" said the man Gill couldn't see.

"Fine. Let's go... Darling" attacker mocked roughly pulling Gill out of the bed. Due to dizziness and injured sole of her foot Gill lost footing and landed hard on the floor.

"Get up bitch!" the man spat kicking helpless woman hard in the ribs.

As much as she tried to obey the order, it was impossible. The kick got all air knocked out of her lungs and left her doubled over in pain.

The man was in no mood for waiting. Unceremoniously grabbing Gill by the arm he dragged weak, but still struggling frame out of the doors.

When they had almost reached the car, through blurred vision she saw David. He was on the other side of the parking lot. He was shouting something, but the pounding in her ears was too strong to hear the actual words.

Everything happened so fast that it all blurred together in her memory. The man dragged her in front of himself like a human shield and aimed. David lowered his weapon. Gillian tried to scream, but the arm dug deeper into her throat blocking the noise. Sirens could be heard in the distance. Men were shouting. Her captor's hand that held the weapon tensed. His intention crystal clear. Desperation and fear boosted up energy resources Gill didn't know she had as she started to wriggle thus hoping to baffle the aim. Next moment she felt stinging pain, as the barrel of the gun met back of her head. Then nothing. Last thing she remembered before losing consciousness was David's fall as the bullet entered him. And blood. A lot of blood. She had failed.

David was dead. Lena was missing. No one knew that she was kidnapped. No one would come looking for her. She was in this alone. Completely alone.

Gill tried to get up, but couldn't move her hands. Only then she realised that they were shackled. Once the blurriness eased she found herself tied to a radiator in half seated position. That explained the stiffness and discomfort. If only her headache would subdue a little!

The doors opened and Gill flinched as two armed to their teeth men entered, followed by familiar figure of her attacker. He was average high, not overly muscular, ugly looking scar was making his already rugged appearance even less attractive. There was some madness around him, like one could anticipate when dealing with psychopath. Off course he had to be more sophisticated than that to be in this business, but it was clear that he loved his job, especially violence part. Lived and breathed for it.

"Welcome back, miss... how should I call you?"

Gillian kept silent. They will have to do better than that to learn her identity. One thing she was sure of. If they wanted her dead, she would be by now. It meant that they needed something. Information they believed she had. It also meant that they hadn't gotten the girl. Only now Gill truly appreciated David's over protectiveness of the information. Even under pressure she couldn't confess what she didn't know. And she really had no clue where was Lena or who was the Mike character.

"Ok. We can skip the pleasantries, if you insist" the man continued in the same preeminent tone. As he moved closer, Gill backed away until her back pressed firmly in the wall. No place left to run. The man stopped right in front of her and kneeled, tracing the red mark on her face he so generously left there earlier.

"You're a pretty one, aren't you? How long have you been working for DEA?"

_DEA? Why the hell did he think she worked for the DEA?_ The abbreviation triggered long forgotten memory.

_Just tell me the truth._

_I work for the DEA. I'm an undercover agent. I've been in the Covent for last six months monitoring two gangbangers we believe are a part of new drug cartel in Mexico._

It was David who worked for the DEA. So Mike most probably was David's undercover name.

"You better start talking..."

The hand from her face moved to the neck, cold fingers penetrating already bruised and swollen skin. Why did they all have to go for the neck?

Gill tensed trying to wriggle out of the grab, but kept silent. It was her only weapon. Only defence strategy. If they learned that she didn't know anything, she was in no use for them, whoever 'they' were. Only a liability and Gill could imagine quite well what happened to the liabilities.

The man leaned closer, grip on her throat became suffocating. She looked him straight in the eye and for a second they locked gazes. Desperate greys against merciful browns and the man smiled, moving his other hand to her tight and slowly sliding it up, below her skirt line and even further.

"This could prove to be most exciting interrogation I had in a long..."

Gill's fear turned into a full blown terror, as the arousal crept in the man's eyes. Merciful dispassion was overcome by lust. He was going to... she didn't even want to finish the though. There was no way she would allow it. Not while conscious anyway.

When his face was so close she could feel hot nicotine filled breath on her face, Gill summoned what little courage she had and with all the might slammed her head straight into his face. The blow shot seer pain through her already troubling skull, but desired effect was achieved.

In mere seconds' man's expression turned from genuinely surprised to angry, as he backed away clutching bleeding nose. He had never seen it coming, clearly underestimated the woman. Her looks were deceitful. Who would have thought that this battered and terrified mouse would put up a fight with him. A man whose name alone brought fear to the enemies.

"Bitch! I will make you pay!"

With that he rose and lashed out at his victim kicking her hard. Gill pulled her knees closer to her chest and lowered the hands as much as it was humanly possible, trying to lessen the impact of the blows, but it was meek defence. First hit to her abdomen was so painful that literally brought stars dancing in front the eyes. She felt something cracking; most probably some ribs were fractured. The blood began to seep from her mouth and when pain became unbearable to her big relief the world went black.

Seeing the woman slack against the wall, he stopped. They didn't need her dead. At least not yet, not before some answers were received.

The man already regretted his outburst, as it would only delay the confession, but he had not been able to stop the momentarily flash of anger. Actually that was one of the traits he was famous for.

Such boldness, such audacity! To attack the enemy while under his full control. Apparently the staffing methodology of the DEA had boosted up lately, because previous agent he 'hosted' had confessed before they even started. And to acknowledge that the rat for a while had been one of his own men. How unpleasant.

To her credit he had to admit that this innocent looking mouse lying unconscious by his feet showed more backbone than her colleague. Hopefully she wouldn't die from some kind of internal bleeding before he had a chance to finish what he started.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Note: **__I simply could be so mean and leave it hanging there for long... Hope not to disappoint... Thanks for reading and special thanks to those of you who post the reviews... they are always welcomed..._

**Chapter 14**

Silence of the room was interrupted only by Gill's laboured breathing. It was painful to think less alone move, therefore she just stayed in this tossed aside rag doll position. Rational part of her mind knew that she had to get up, had at least try to get out, because there would be no help. David was dead. Cal was in the dark about any of this. There was no chivalry on the way and her survival depended solely on herself.

_Think_. _What would Cal do?_

Thought of her partner made her ease up a little. With all his restlessness and recklessness he had always been her cornerstone. Ever persistent element of stability. Often he made her mad, pushed her buttons to the limits and beyond, but at the same time made her strive for more. Reach for the stars, because on her own she would never summoned enough courage to do a lot - at least half of the things she had done over last decade. Now she needed his strength more than ever. Cal had put his life in peril more times than she cared to count. He always made it. She will make it. The trick was stay awake, to focus.

Suddenly loud noises could be heard from outside. People were shouting. Heavy boots were running down the concrete.

Loud bangs.

More shouts, more bangs and silence.

Complete silence.

Gill was afraid to even guess possible scenarios or what they could mean to her. Suddenly the doors swung open with a bang that sent painful waves down her spine.

Not even in her wildest dreams she could have imagined the heavenly sight that greeted her.

Right in front of her eyes, like statuesque superhero from some Hollywood blockbuster in full body armour with blazing gun in his arm stood no one else but David Burns.

In three long strides he crossed the room and kneeled beside her, cutting loose the cuffs holding her hands and taking the trembling form in a light embrace. Gill flinched as the change of the position shot pain through her head, abdomen and stiff arms, but managed to suppress a moan.

David was here, he was alive, she was safe – that was all that mattered.

"Lena?" was all she was able to choke out through cracked lips. Lack of water had made her throat completely dry. It was difficult to talk.

"She is safe. You will see her soon, I promise."

"You are hurt!" Gill barely audibly whispered against David's neck as he scooped her up. Nothing, not even throbbing of his injured shoulder was going to stop him.

"I'm ok. It's you I'm worried about" David replied in a concern lased voice. The woman was truly unbelievable. There she was barely conscious, beaten to a pulp, dried blood on face, wheezing sounds of her laboured breathing clear indication of internal damage, but her only worries were about him and Lena. How many people like that were in the world? Really. How many?

"I'm fine" Gill wheezed closing eyes and relaxing against David's broad chest, letting sweet feel of nothingness take over tired bones and dull the sharp pain.

Luckily it was over. Lena was fine. David was alive. She was fine, maybe a little worse for wear, but fine.

By the time they exited the building the concussion had taken over, making surrounding noises distant and undetectable. Even for a voice expert, one as herself.

Noises, sirens, lights, people shouting, running, hurrying – it all made the world spin into a colourful carousel. The only thing she knew for sure, it was dark. Apparently it was the same night, but it had seemed a lot longer. What tricks one's brain could play.

Only later Gill would learn that actually those had been 24 hours. Most horrifying 24 hours in the lives of two men.

It was an ambulance. She was in an ambulance. Something had been pushed in her vein. Murmur of different voices spiralled into one. Whatever they had given her, was making everything wrapped in cotton. The eyelids were becoming heavier with each second. If only world stopped it's merry-go-round for just a second. The feeling of soft cosiness was spreading through veins like a warm fluffy blanket.

Suddenly in the vortex of light and sound she heard a voice.

His voice.

It was almost forgotten and yet welcomingly familiar feeling of homecoming. But something was wrong. He sounded worried, almost desperate. He was saying something Gill was not really able to decipher, but the fear in his voice was almost palpable. Finally she summoned enough strength to open her eyes and there he was, at least she thought he was. Because of the drugs she was not sure where reality ended and her imagination started.

There was no way her partner could really be here. Nevertheless, seeing him brought a pang of guilt.

Brown eyes held such an intense look that it almost made her gasp.

"I'm sorry, Cal..." she whispered as silent tears rolled down her cheeks "I'm so sorry..."

"None of that, luv. Do you hear me? None of that. You will be all right..." Cal murmured in a soothing full of emotions and promises tone. Even to bystander it was not clear whether he was more trying to convince her or himself.

Gill's eyes closed and right before succumbing to the abyss of nothingness, she felt soft lips bruising her forehead and rugged cheek against her own.

Salty tasting moisture was reaching her lips. Were those tears?

Was it real or only a plot of her imagination? Effects of the drugs?

Before she had a chance to figure it out, the world went black. Last thing she heard or though that she had heard was Cal's desperate cry of her name.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Note: **__Special thanks to all who posted the reviews :) What can I say ... you keep me motivated :) _

**Chapter 15**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Steady sound of equipment was drawing Gill back to the surface. It was a hard journey, as the deep abyss kept pulling back, making it more and more difficult. But she couldn't stay there forever. She knew that she had to be somewhere. She was not supposed to stay in this hollow nothingness, alone. Someone was waiting for her. Heavy eyelids fluttered and then slowly, one inch at a time opened. Vision was blurred. Gill blinked several times, before focused. Someone was there in the room.

A man. Gill tensed, but then recognized the voice.

"Īt is ok. You are in the hospital."

Blinking several more times she finally saw worried face of David Burns.

For some reason Gill felt disappointed. She had this vague memory playing in her mind that Cal was with her in the ambulance. Kind brown eyes and soothing voice still played in her mind, salty taste of tears lingered on her lips. He had looked so desperate and heartbroken, that Gill wanted nothing more than to reach out and soothe him. Later she had heard his voice again, only this time through thick fog. Although she was not able to decipher the words, the tone was endearing, even loving. Apparently it all had been her imagination, a dream.

"How are you?"

Gill wanted to speak, but no sound came. She tried again, but to no avail. She simply didn't have enough strength to move un-responding muscles. Gill tried to ask the question with eyes, and David got the message "Shhh... It is ok. She is fine. You will see her soon..."

The fatigue washed over her. Gill couldn't keep eyes open any longer and closed them succumbing to the great white sensation of nothingness. Lena was fine! That was all that mattered.

Last thing she felt was a tender kiss on her forehead.

###

Next time Gillian managed to reach the surface she slowly opened her eyes and blinked. The light was too bright and it made her head spin.

"Good morning" said unfamiliar, but kind voice "How are we feeling today?"

Gill tried to focus, but saw only blurred form of a woman. Nurse most probably.

Gill felt so stiff, that it was impossible to move. The muscles simply refused to cooperate.

"Don't worry" the woman added seeing Gill's tension "Those are after effects of the sedatives. Besides pain killers you got quite heavy muscle relaxants. Should wear off in a couple of hours".

That explained the wooden feeling in her limbs and cotton filled brains.

"You are lucky to have such a loving family" The woman in the meantime continued.

_What is she talking about? What family? _

"Your husband, he loves you so much" even in her state Gill could hear envy in woman's voice "We had to almost kick him out to make him leave the room."

_What Alec had to do with this?_ And he was ex-husband by the way. Then it occurred. Not Alec, most probably it was David. She remembered seeing him last time when she woke. She could bet that he blamed himself for everything that happened. Poor man.

But next words of the woman got Gill's confusion to all new level.

"The little one is complete angel and her sister is such a sweetheart. By the way they all just now went down to the canteen. Finally convinced your husband for a decent meal. He is stubborn one, isn't he? Practically spent last three days here."

Gill was beyond confused. She could make sense of daughter and husband, namely Lena and David, but had absolutely no idea who the other daughter was. Gill wanted to ask, but couldn't. The muscles didn't move.

"Get well, I will check on you later" the woman finished as she exited the room leaving perplexed Gill all alone.

Several minutes later it was simply impossible to stay awake. The exhaustion once again won battle over will.

###

Next time Gill's mind surfaced to consciousness she heard David's voice. Warm sensation spread on her palm where his hand rested over hers. Light touch of the fingers caressed the outline of her face. He was saying something, but try as she might, she couldn't understand the words. It was like they were on two separate sides – he was above and she under the water. Wave of tiredness and sleep interrupted Gill's train of thoughts.

###

Cold merciful hands dug deeper in her neck blocking the airways. She was choking, lack of air sending burning sensation to her lungs. Suffocating. Dying. Gill tried to fight, but her limbs were not moving. Like some powerful spell kept them in place. It was terrifying. She had to fight, had to stay alive, but the darkness pulled her deeper and deeper. With a sudden jolt of energy Gill surfaced from the abyss, taking a lung full of oxygen. Heartbeat in her ears, hands trembling.

Through her haze she saw dark figure looming over her, holding her in place. Restraining her movements.

_No! Please God! Not this! Not again! _

"Shhh... It is ok. You are ok. It was just a nightmare..."

The voice. She knew the voice.

Cal!

With recognition Gill relaxed her taut muscles. Everything was fine. She was in the hospital. Cal was here.

Cal was here?

She wasn't sure that it was not a trick of her mind.

Gill blinked almost forcefully to focus. After several minutes blurred lines formed outlined objects. First thing she saw were familiar brown orbs intensely observing her. His hands were on her shoulders, stilling her attempt to get up.

It was not a dream. He was here!

Tears of relief escaped Gill's eyes. Up to now she hadn't realised how much she missed her partner, her anchor, her friend. As long as Cal was here everything would be ok. Maybe that was unjustified feeling of ease, because usually Cal was the one who ended up in trouble, but that was how she felt. Simple as that.

Remembering the way she left him a pang of guilt ran through her bones. She had concealed information, even lied, disappeared without a trace. He had every right to be angry, but instead warmness and compassion radiated from his eyes. No trace of anger whatsoever.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Cal..." came barely understandable and hoarsely apology.

The warmness in his eyes deepened.

"Sorry for what luv? For helping a kid? For being kidnapped? Why are you apologising? You haven't done anything wrong..." Cal replied handing her a glass of water and helping to get some of the liquid down.

It was a difficult to swallow, especially considering that Cal didn't allow her to get into a sitting position, but Gill didn't complain. She was parched. The lukewarm water was almost blessing.

Cal gently held her head with one arm, while the other held the glass to her chapped lips.

"Easy luv, that's it" he encouraged her like one would do to a child.

Only then Gill noticed how bad the man looked. He appeared a lot older comparing to the last time she had seen him. Lines of worry on his face run much deeper and hairs had more grey strays than ever.

"Are you all right?" Gill mouthed, worry taking over guilt "You don't look so good".

"I'm fine" Cal replied gently bruising away a strand of hairs from her face "But you should have a look in a mirror, luv... One hell of an adventure you had. Good thing came out in one piece tough."

Gill slightly smiled at his attempt of joke, but next moment looked around worriedly. Only when her eyes rested on the bed next to her she finally relaxed. Lena was sleeping soundly. The girl looked fine, at least physically. That was good. More than she had hoped for.

"She is very attached to you, you know" Cal said looking at the myriad of emotions on his partner's face. Fear, worry, devotion – all rolled up in one that overpowered them all - love. Pure, simple, deep emotion. Gill wore the same expression he had seen on her lovely face before, in the office while she was talking on the phone with as he had assumed at the time – a man. Now he knew better.

"I know" Gill simply replied nibbling bottom lip with teeth. She usually did it when something was disturbing her "How is she?"

"She was very scared, even hysteric. Nothing could calm her. No one could get close. She didn't speak, still does not. David insisted that she should be brought to you and was right. It helped, although only partially. She was not crying while she was left alone and could sit or sleep in your bed, but when someone tried to move her, hysterics started. I have to admit – quite lungs this one has. Even sailors would be impressed. The only one who had been able to deal with her is Emily. Somehow Lena trusted her from the start."

Emily. The other daughter nurse mentioned. That would make Cal and not David her presumed husband. The realisation made Gill blush.

Cal saw it, but didn't comment, suppressing his natural curiosity. Although he would die to know what in that head of hers could have caused such a reaction.

To Gill it made sense. She had shown Lena picture where Gill was caught together with Cal and Emily in office Christmas party. It was her favourite, because Cal was so happy there and Emily was radiant with joy. She had also told Lena stories from life. Her partner and his smart and lovely teenage daughter were significant part of Gill's life. Just like now was Lena. Gill looked at Cal who was expecting some kind of reply, but for some reason didn't have the guts to tell the truth. The fact that she had taken specifically that picture with her could lead to misunderstandings.

"I believe she simply has easier time to adjust with women than men. I have noticed that she fears them more." she said remembering the look of pure terror when Lena had seen David.

Gill was so wrapped up in her thoughts that didn't even notice the intensity of Cal's glare. Cal watched emotions run over her face. Although she was disturbed by something, she wore the same calm and kind expression she always had. Her trend mark. The thought that he could have lost her made his eyes water.

Too vivid in his memories was terror he felt when he thought she might be dead. David's confession of his true feelings made Cal feel pang of freshly built fear that he would lose her anyway, even when (not 'if' – never 'if') they saved her. Off course it was lesser of his worries at the time, but this realisation hiding somewhere below surface hurt deeply nevertheless.

There was no mercy to Adams men. Cal went straight for the jugular. It was more an inquisition than an interrogation. Soon he found the mark – a considerably fresh agent had sold himself to a higher bidder. Stupid asshole wanted easier life and thought that drug money could buy him one. Nothing in the world, not even two security guards were able to stop Cal as he attacked the plonker. The rat deserved it. The broken nose and blue eye Cal left on his way only superficially reflected his true feelings towards the bastard. He wanted him dead. Literally. And if something happened to Gill, it wouldn't be just a threat.

The little piece of shit told them everything he knew. Rest was just a matter of gathering necessary information and time. They were able to locate three possible places where Gill might be kept. Operatives burst into all thee at the same time. Nothing Adams had said could have kept David and Cal on the sidelines. David was actually leading one of the groups to a location he thought was most probable. Cal had joined them on the way, but was forced to stay in the car during the actual break in. Shark's men were armed to teeth. The hell had broke lose when the DEA together with SWAT had started the fire.

Cal hated to be left on the sidelines, but there wasn't anything he could really do. Even in his disturbed state Cal knew that there was no way he could overpower three armed SWAT agents guarding the van.

Twenty minutes later Cal saw David rise as a phoenix from the smoke and fire, carrying most precious burden in his arms. It took Cal some time to get to the ambulance, as there was chaos all around and he had been held back on the safe side by armed guards.

When he had finally made it, David was still there. Both men eyed each other like boxers in the ring, but didn't say a word watching in silence as paramedics tended Gill's injuries.

Cal's breath was caught in the throat as he saw the condition of his partner. She was as thin as Lena, bruises and lacerations were all over her delicate frame, angry red welts on her beautiful face were turning into dark blue shade, her neck was almost black from the strangulation marks. When paramedics lifted her shirt for examination, Cal couldn't stop himself and gasped aloud. Clear imprints of boot were left right across her abdomen. Those animals had kicked her! Hard!

What kind of monster kicks defenceless woman into pulp?

At this moment gazes of both men locked and for the first time in life they were on the same page, mutual agreement reached without any words. Bastard or bastards who did this deserved to die in horrible, painful death!

There were blue prints on her tights, but Cal could not bring himself to acknowledge what later could mean. As it turned out, his worst fears were not confirmed.

Besides bruises Gill had fractured ribs and severe concussion. Other than that she had made it out relatively unharmed considering the mortal danger she had been in. David had been right. They didn't know anything about Gill and her role. Therefore, until they got some answers, she was kept alive.

Luckily Gill had gotten to the same conclusion.

Adams had summoned David away and Cal was left with Gill and paramedics. She regained consciousness only when they were on the way to the hospital. Maybe it was just a plot of his imagination, but Cal could bet he saw relief and even delight when she had spotted him. She was looking at him with so much trust and regret in the eyes. The thought that he could have lost those grey orbs forever broke a dam in his tainted heart and silent tears started to roll down his cheeks.

Her next words only intensified the guilt.

"I'm sorry, Cal..." she whispered shamefully as silent tears rolled down her overly thin cheeks "I'm so sorry..."

"None of that, luv. Do you hear me? None of that. You will be all right..." Cal remembered rambling not even sure whom he was trying to convince more – her or himself. As her eyes closed, Cal leaned closer and pressed lips to her forehead. It was a kiss of promise – a promise that he would be there for her every step of the way. That nothing, not even his jealousy would keep him away.

"It will be all right, luv. You'll see. You will be all right..." he whispered against her ear as he leaned his head to the side of her face.

Some of the men were arrested during the siege. From David Cal had learned what actually had happened during those 24 hours. Gill was a brave one. She had managed to defend her dignity and even broke bastard's who wanted to rape her nose. Even Cal was not sure he would have made such a courageous and bold move, less alone attributed it his fragile and delicate partner. Cal most definitely would think twice before putting up a fight with the Mad Dog. It was a nick Gill's attacker had gotten over the years and was very accurate. It was a miracle he hadn't killed her on the spot.

The truth was that Gill had acted on pure instinct. At the moment the terror overtook every rational thought and she hadn't even thought of possible consequences. All she had known is that anything was better than what the man was about to do.

Gill had returned from her reverie and now was observing Cal. She had never seen him crying. He had been sad, disturbed, full of heartache, depressed, but never cried. Why was he crying now? Was something wrong? Was it her fault?

It took Gill several minutes to realise that the pain and guilt present on his face was for her. He was crying for her and it made her heart flip a beat. Never before had Cal shown such vulnerability. Maybe he was not uttering the words, but his unguarded face spoke volumes. He had been more than terrified to lose her.

And then it all clicked. His rugged appearance, deep lines of worry, greyed hair – it all was because of her. Unintentionally she had put her partner through hell and the guilt she already felt deepened hundred times.

"I'm sorry Cal..." was all she could muster, before tears sprang from her eyes. How did she screw up so much? She hadn't wanted anyone get hurt, but they all had suffered anyway – Lena, David, even Cal. Everyone. Somehow she felt that it was her fault. In her half conscious state the rational thought that no one could blame her for the situation was lost. She also failed to connect the dots to see that if it wasn't for her, Lena most probably would be dead by now.

"Don't apologise, luv. I know what David asked you to do. I know that you helped the girl. It had been a through tough time. You rescued Lena, saved David's life and even your own. Never thought you had it in you..." Cal whispered leaning closer and kissing her on the forehead "You know, always thought I was the hero, but you proved me wrong. You are strongest and toughest person I know. We could give you some fancy title, cloak and unleash you to protect the city from the crime..."

Gill laughed. This was Cal she knew – always lessening the tension by some joke. Maybe a bit ill, but still a joke. It was his way of dealing with stress and it eased her up. He was fine and eventually she would be too.

Cal was delighted. It had been his desired effect, but before he had a chance to smile back, she winced in pain clutching her chest.

"Sorry, luv. You have fractured ribs, shouldn't have made you laugh."

"Nah. It is ok. I needed that" Gill replied once the pain became bearable and she had managed to gain enough air in her lungs.

Cal stared at her. Pale slightly flushed cheeks, battered face with two shimmering emeralds that glistered with a hint of delight. Even when all the chips were down, she found something to be happy about. It was not his stupid joke that provoked this reaction and he knew it. It was the fact that everyone was all right. Such a simple truth would most probably go unnoticed by anyone else, but not Gillian.

Gill felt his gaze on her and looked at Cal. The moment their stares met it was like some spell was cast upon them. They didn't need words or physical contact to feel complete. No promises and wows. Just simple fact of being there was enough.

Cal caught himself on a thought that never before her eyes had been so expressive. He leaned closer, but before his lips bruised against hers doors opened and nurse came.

The spell was broken and he saw micro expression of regret and shame on Gill's face as she eyed the woman, before turning her head to look at Lena. It sting deeply. Maybe she was in love with David after all.

"Good Morning Mr Lightman, Ms Lightman. How is our patient feeling today?"

The last sentence got Gill's attention and she stared at Cal with genuine surprise in eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

**Note: **_Sometimes a little respite is all we need... Thanks for reading :)_

**Chapter 16**

"Good Morning Mr Lightman, Ms Lightman. How is our patient feeling today?"

Looking at Cal with genuine surprise in eyes, Gill realised it was the same nurse as before. Maybe she hadn't seen the lady, but Gillian never forgot voices.

Cal just winked as he smirked. The hurt he felt seconds ago buried deep with other staff labelled 'Don't touch. Toxic'.

"My lady is up and kicking. She just knows how to make my day" Cal said warmly with a slightest touch of humour.

What Gill saw on his face made her blush. She understood that it was supposed to be an act for hospital staff to make plausible whatever charade was going on, but the way he spoke and his eyes roamed over her was something else.

Gill was no fool. She knew that they were important part of each other's life. Lately their light flirting was blurring the established 'line' to a point where Gill was not sure it still existed. But it was then, before her life was turned upside down. Now things were different. She couldn't clearly formulate what 'different' meant; she simply knew that it was the right word.

There was no explanation of that mystic power cast upon them causing almost kiss before. It was not the time or the place and most definitely – not the right situation to dig into their complicated relationship. And most importantly – it was not safe. Lena's life was in danger and so was hers. She didn't want to extend it to Cal and especially Emily. As much as she loved him being there for her, part of her wished he was far away, somewhere safe.

"Elder one? Is she coming today?"

"She is. Should be here shortly"

"Ok then. I just have to check pulse, temperature and after an hour doctor will visit you" nurse said addressing Gillian.

###

As soon as cattery lady exited Gill looked at Cal waiting for some explanations.

"I know, I know... When paramedics brought us to the hospital, you were unconscious. They assumed that I'm your husband and made me fill all those blanks. We both know the politics in the hospital – only relatives are allowed. Besides the situation per se was a bit... how to put it mildly... complicated..."

"So you got us married?!" Gill finished for him not knowing to be mad or flattered. Her thoughts still on the word 'us' – so he was in the ambulance. It hadn't been her imagination after all. How that was even possible?

"Well, I would have asked for your consent, but you kind of ignored me at the time" he said with a 'puppy look' expression on the face.

Gill smiled. It was impossible to stay mad, especially considering that she hadn't decided whether she was really mad in the first place "Ok, you got off the hook. But why not use mine name?"

"Cal Foster... Nah... No credibility there. But Gillian Lightman sounds really good to my ear."

Was she only imagining or there was certain innuendo in his tone?

The thought made Gill blush. It was already third time during the morning. As before slightly pinkish tone of her otherwise pale cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Cal.

The truth was he really was pushing a little. Cal knew that it was the worst timing, but his need to find out Gill's feelings for David was almost palpable. It was not fair, and definitely not the first thing to focus after she had regained consciousness, but Cal was going mad from obscurity.

"Besides we were afraid that they might calculate you, if tried... It was safer this way" Cal added on a more serious note.

It made sense.

"And you think this would help?" Gill asked doubtfully.

"Not in a long run. But at least for now your name is not on the papers."

"How long have I been here?"

"Four days."

"Is Lena safe being here?"

"During day I'm here and at night Emily and I take her home with us."

Cal didn't elaborate that it was kind of agreement. Light of the day was Cal's, but darkness of the night – David's time. Although it sounded kind of poetic, the arrangement was purely practical.

David couldn't be in the same room as Lena. The kid was terrified from mere sight of the man. Furthermore, the man at question was heavily engaged in the operation to bring down one of the most powerful drug cartels. After Gill's rescue whole hell had broke loose. Arrests were made. Men hunt started. Undercover agents recalled. Three were tracked, two still missing in the field. The chance to find them alive was slim. Adams was working with the state prosecutor office day and night. Several parallel investigations ongoing, evidence gained, people interrogated. All in all it was very busy time.

For security reasons there was a guard at Gill's room and Cal's house was under 24/7 surveillance. Although the chance that someone would bother with the kid was small, considering everything that was going on, it was still there.

Anyway, the point was that Cal couldn't stay for night, as he had to ensure safety of Emily and Lena. To keep the girls in the hospital whole time was not an option, at least not a healthy one. With strong dissatisfaction Cal had to agree that David was guarding Gill through the night, while he did the same during the day.

This is how it worked. This is how they made it work. At least for now.

Lena hadn't let anyone close, but for some unknown reason had momentarily trusted Emily. The six years old hadn't uttered a single word. If Cal hadn't heard her powerful screams when the hospital staff tried to remove her from Gill being afraid that she could cause more injuries to the unconscious woman, he would have thought that the girl was mute.

It was Emily who managed to convince Lena to go home with them. The way she dealt with the child reminded him so much of Gillian. He and Zoe – they both were short tempered, openly persuasive and demanding. They lived for an action.

Emily was complete opposite to her parents. She was kind and loving, patient and level headed. Just like Gillian. Sometimes he thought that it was good thing she had hanged around his partner from early age. Gill was a good role model. Best he could have wished for.

"You don't understand. They are after her!"

"It is ok. I think now Shark has bigger problems than one six years old."

When Gill looked at him clearly perplexed Cal realised that she had absolutely no idea what was going on. David had kept her in dark and since the world turned upside down she had been unconscious. So Cal told the story. David's story, his own story, story of Adams, Lena's parents and Shark. The only thing he withheld was Lena's paternity. As much as he resented the man, it was David's place to tell this 'truth'.

Gill carefully listened, the expression of utter disbelief and shock clear confirmation that she had absolutely no idea what mortal danger she had been in.

After Cal was finished the room fell into silence.

Shock and disbelief suddenly changed to deep fear and guilt. In a distant, shallow voice Gill asked "Back there. In the hospital. I killed a man. Who was he?"

"You didn't kill him" Cal said lifting her chin so the grey eyes would meet brown ones. She had to know that it was the truth, that he was not lying to spare her feelings, to avoid upsetting her "just made him nap for a several hours. Those were quite strong sedatives. Don't cry, luv."

The relief was so profound that fresh set of tears started to flow and sobs muffled by her own palm escaped Gill's lips. It was like dead weight was taken from her chest and she was finally able to breathe. She hadn't taken a life! She hadn't killed anybody! Oh God! She was not a murderer!

Cal leaned closer and gently embraced shaking woman. She needed to let it out of the system and Cal was glad to be here for support.

After a while silent sobs lessened and breathing evened out.

Once Gill was calmer Cal continued "You know, luv, he is a bounty hunter. He would have sold Lena to Shark or anyone else who offered a good price. You stopped him and saved girl's life."

"Who else would be ready to pay?" Gill couldn't grasp the concept.

"Presumably Shark's rival, to use the kid as leverage. You know, a bargaining chip to hold over Shark's head."

Cold chills run down Gill's spine at the mere thought of it. She couldn't imagine that someone would exploit a child like that. Well, she couldn't imagine that someone would be ready to literally hunt down six years old and had been proven wrong.

Before they had a chance to continue, a light movement from the opposite bed caught their attention.

"Hi, sweetheart" Gill addressed sleepy child. Confused and disoriented eyes blinked several times, before they focused on Gillian. The emotions on girl's face changed so fast, that even Cal had hard time to follow them all. They stopped on expression one might have when winning a million dollar lottery, but still unable to believe the luck. Like most sacred wishes of her small heart had come true.

"Mommy!" the child exclaimed enthusiastically, as she stumbled out of the bed "I missed you, so much!"

"I missed you too honey."

Although those were first words the girl had uttered, they put daggers through Cal's heart. It was not girl's deep attachment to Gill or vice versa that bothered him, but the complications that came along. Complications named David Burns alias Marco Gianelli alias Dave Aderton alias Mike Estaban. Too many names for single pain in the ass.

In the meanwhile Lena had jumped in Gill's bed, more precisely on Gill making elder woman almost yelp from pain as the child hugged her. Although the swelling of her neck alone made it difficult to breath, the strong squeeze of tiny hands made it even worse, not to mention that sharp pain from the pressure on fractured ribs made Gill grasp for air. Nevertheless, she was glad. Lena hadn't withdrawn completely and that was what mattered.

"Promise to never leave me again" the child was whimpering against her neck tightening her hold "please..."

Gill tried to speak, to say the words girl so desperately longed to hear, but couldn't. The combination of sharp pain, lack of air and panic brought on by memories of the last times when her neck was squeezed left Gill literally breathless. Sensing Lena's genuine relief Gill didn't have the heart to push the kid away. Besides it could send wrong message and scare already traumatized girl even more.

"Lena, come here, give Gillian some space. Better tell her what you and Emily did yesterday" Cal tried to distract the girl. He had seen pain and micro expression of panic on Gill's face when Lena jumped on top of her, small arms encircling neck in wise like grip.

It was too much. If the kid hadn't wasn't traumatised already, he would have extracted her forcefully. But his ministrations only worsened the situation. As soon as he tried to pull her away, Lena's grip became stronger and she began to sob.

Gill glared at Cal with expression that unmistakably commanded _'Leave her be'._

"She is hurting you!" as soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to hit. Crap! Absolutely wrong thing to say!

The kid started to sob even more.

"Sweety... you... not ...hurting... me! She. .. could... never... hurt... me..." in barely audible voice Gill tried to defend the girl. The speaking was difficult and the lack of proper flow of oxygen mixed with pain was getting Gill even paler. Nevertheless she tried her best to comfort crying child.

It was absurd! Why they simply couldn't explain to the kid that Gill was not yet well enough to be jumped on or squeezed? But as Cal opened his mouth speak, he was met by Gill's deadly gaze. The message was crystal clear – 'Don't'.

As irrational as it was, Cal was getting angry. He couldn't stand the idea of anyone hurting Gillian deliberately or not. Like father, like daughter came into his mind. Luckily he was saved from any course of action as doors opened and Emily burst in.

"Gill! You are awake!" she exclaimed and after giving brief hug to her dad rushed over to the bed, gave Gill a kiss on the forehead and lifted up Lena.

"Come here sweetie" Emily addressed the kid "Let's give Gill some air. How are you today, princess?"

Lena reluctantly released Gill's neck and hugged Emily.

"We were so worried about you, you know. I'm glad that you are finally up. I hope dad here didn't give you hard time. He had been almost insufferable least days" the girl rambled enthusiastically as she sat on the bedside with Lena in her lap.

As soon as the weight was lifted from her, Gill managed to make desperately needed deep breaths and momentarily felt better. It was so nice to see Emily, and even better to see how well Lena responded to the teenager.

"I can see you got a friend Lena" Gill smiled.

"We have become quite good friends over last days, haven't we?" Emily confirmed tickling the girl a bit. Lena nodded her head, but her worried gaze was still locked on the woman. As if she was afraid that even blink of eyes would make Gill unconscious again.

Cal observed the scene. It was endearing to see how well they got along. Endearing, but at the same time disturbing. With Lena there was always part of David in the picture and Cal was not thrilled about the fact. It was not fair, especially to the kid and Cal knew it. He felt like such a wanker!

"Did you have a lunch?" Emily asked Lena. The girl shook her head in denial.

"Let's go and clear the cafeteria!" Emily offered, but Lena refused, grabbing Gill's hand and clinging to it as her whole life depended on that.

"I bet Gillian wants a chocolate pudding, don't you Gill?"

"How did you guess?" Gill plastered a smile, although the mere thought of food made her sick.

"Well, unless we get to the cafeteria before it closes, we won't get one. You wouldn't want Gill to starve, would you?" the girl shook her head, but the grip on Gill's hand didn't lessen.

"Go with Emily honey, it would make me happy"

The grip lessened and Lena allowed Emily to pick her up.

"You know you are good with kids" Gill complimented.

"Usually I'm not, but this one somehow got under my skin, didn't you?" Emily replied nuzzling girl's nose "Let's go before they close. We will be back shortly. Dad, do you need anything?"

"Thanks darling, I'm fine."

With that Emily exited the room carrying Lena in her arms.

As soon as doors closed Gill looked at Cal "Don't be mad. She is just a kid who already had lost too much in her life. She was afraid to lose me too" Gill tried to explain "And I'm just as terrified to lose her, even if on emotional level. We need each other."

"To a point where you physically suffocate?"

"If that is what it takes to see her at ease - yes" Gill replied without second thought.

There was no point in arguing, especially if it was clear that Gill's motherly instincts would ignore any logic Cal could offer. Other obstacle that had to be taken into account was that Gill was still under the influence of heavy chemicals from the sedatives floating through her blood stream.

"She is really good with Lena"

"That she is" Cal agreed.

"You have raised a wonderful daughter."

They both smiled.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything, luv."

"Can you bring me a mirror?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Cal knew that it was not her looks per se that got her worried. It was Lena, more precisely whether her looks were not additional trauma to the fragile psyche.

"Ok, luv. But know that everything will heal. Nothing is permanent" he added as he showed her reflection in the small mirror he retrieved from the commode unobtrusive standing in the corner of the room.

Gill closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opening them focused on the reflection. She couldn't believe that the woman staring back was really her. Gill had always been lean, but now it more bordered on hidebound. Her eye was slightly swollen as was whole left side of the face. The neck looked even more awful. Dark fingerprints and small cuts covered swollen surface. She definitely needed to cover it up.

Cuts and bruises brought back unpleasant memories. Merciful stare of the bounty hunter and lustful eyes of the Mad Dog. Cold chills ran down her spine as she remembered their encounter. Next moment she felt strong and warm arm encircling her shoulder. Cal had sensed to what dark and scary place she had gone and offered comfort.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Gill simply shook her head, not trusting her voice.

"You know I'm here. Whenever you need me – day or night" Cal said silently.

"I know" Gill replied looking him straight in the eye "I'm not there yet. But when I will be, you'll be the first to know."

"It is a deal"

The energy was quickly draining. Too much information to digest, too much excitement for one day. Besides her head was still halfway filled with cotton balls.

Before closing her eyes she asked one last question "Who is running the business while you are here?"

"Well, it was the last time those kids learned some responsibility" Cal smirked.

His tone got Gill to reopen eyes "What did you do?"

"Don't worry. Everything is under control. I think both Torres and Locker are more than motivated to demonstrate what they are capable of."

"You are insufferable" Gill muttered already half way asleep.

"And as it turns out you are bull-headed. Quite a pair, aren't we?" Cal replied gently tracing outline of her sleeping face.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_**Note: **__as I said before – it is always darkest before the dawn... Warm thanks for the reviews and emails... _

_###_

Ten days had passed since Gill was admitted to the hospital. Although not completely out of the woods, her condition had improved significantly. The swelling of her throat was subduing, as were the marks on the face. Fractured ribs still prevented any active movements and hurt like hell even with pain killers. Truth to be told it was not the pain that got stronger, but the pain killers weaker. Medicine had been changed to milder one as the concussion had to be closely monitored.

The dizziness was lesser, but Gill still could not bring herself to eat. She tried, really tried. To make everyone happy - Cal, Emily, Lena, David, doctors. But she simply couldn't hold anything down. Gill was not completely sure what the root of the problem was - whether the faulty part really was the stomach or more the head that was not yet ready to digest physical after effects of endured emotional trauma endured.

Besides dizziness, she experiences severe headaches that bordered to migraine. Usually they intensified during night, but at least then she got the 'good stuff' in terms of pain medication. What scared her was that she experienced sudden loss of time and place as well as misplaced timing of memories. Sometimes she thought that the event from previous day happened long ago, while some old happening were categorised as recent. But most disturbing thing was nightmares. They were terrifying with their intensity and regularity.

Not wanting to worry anyone more than they already were, Gill didn't speak about it. If Cal suspected that something was wrong, he didn't let it show. But there was no hiding from David in this regard. More times than she dared to count it was David who had woken her from some of the worst terrors and held her shaking form till she managed to compose herself.

She was not ready to talk about her nigh terrors. At least not yet and David never pressed. It was comforting. The fear of the nightmares had reached the point where Gill was literally afraid to fall asleep. The drugs helped a lot. Without them her body wouldn't be able to receive the rest she so desperately needed. Gill dreaded the moment when she would have to spend a night without blessed help of chemicals.

Practically always someone was there - either Cal with Lena and sometimes Emily joined them or David. Gill had noticed that they were kind of on day/night shift mode and could guess the reason behind - Lena. What she didn't know was that there was also police outside her doors.

Gill was relieved the Lena was in such a good hands and was not forced to stay in hospital whole time. Cal and especially Emily provided the best care she could wish for.

What worried Gill was that the girl wasn't speaking. Those few words uttered when she saw Gill awaken for the first time was the only verbal communication thus far. Gill knew that it would take time for the girl to heal, but at the same time was gravely concerned that daily visits to hospital and her battered look was not really the best medicine. On the other hand she knew that if the girl would be prohibited to visit, it could have even worse result. It was a 'lose lose' situation. As selfish as it was, Gill had to admit that seeing the girl and spending time together was helping not only the child, but herself. She loved the girl. Plain and simple. Being with her made Gill feel at ease. It was a feeling that no one else was able to give.

Gill remembered conversation with David she had one night. It had explained some things about Lena. Especially the fear of abandonment. It turned out that her parents, although in their own way loved the girl, never really paid much attention to her. Both were young, dreamed of rich and influential life. They were more hanging around than spending quality time home. The girl had been left on her own, mainly dealt with by nannies that kept changing with accelerating frequency. No one really knew the reason for the later. Gill was the first person in Lena's life that genuinely cared for her, loved her and spent so much time with her. There was no wonder that Lena so quickly had forgotten her parents and assumed Gillian as mother.

Speaking about biological parents. Although a lot of truths had been revealed, David still hadn't gathered the guts to tell his main secret. The connection he and Lena shared. Gill sensed that David was withholding something from her, but never asked. She had her own demons she was not ready to face yet.

David told how he had taken Lena from the mansion without a real plan what to do next. All he knew at the time was that if he left the kid behind, she would be dead. He couldn't go to the police or use his official connections. The risk of breach was too high. Then he remembered about his former colleague who was now running a department in the child care facility. Samantha. He called her and asked for a meeting. As with Gill, he hadn't told the whole story, but only generally warned about the present risk. Samantha agreed to take Lena, but with conditions. Main was that she could not risk with the lives of the children under her care. The option was to put the girl in the administrative wing. At the time of the admission Lena's condition was not the best, but afterwards it only worsened. She didn't eat, drink and allow anyone near her. Samantha had informed David and said that the girl needs special help. That he should find a psychologist specialising with heavy cases. Then he had 'asked' for Gill's help. At the same time two deals were on the way and David was closely monitored by his foes and enemies. Hence the paranoia he had showed in her house and later.

"Why me? How did you know that I would be able to help?" Gill had asked. It was a question that was bothering her from the beginning. She was a psychologist. No arguing about that point, but as she indicated from the start, she had more experience with agents with PTSD than children.

"Because I don't know anyone else with such compassion and love for others. You are the best thing that happened in my life and I wanted the best for her" was David's reply. The true reason, the one that Cal guessed during their confrontation was left unsaid.

Gill could see that David meant every word he spoke and tears ran down her cheeks. Before she knew what was happening David had gently cupped her chin and put a feather light, but passionate kiss on her pale lips.

###

The screen of the mobile phone came alive. David looked away from the sleeping woman to address the annoying piece of equipment. It was Adams. Lately it always was Adams. Although he was the boss, David was sick of the man. They had not been eye to eye before, but now it was even worse. After Adams left Gillian behind, David had lost every trace of respect he ever bore for the man.

Now the bloodsucking leech tried to control his every move, every take of the breath. Damn him! At this point David was not sure why he kept doing what he did. Who cared if they brought one of the bad guys down. Tomorrow in his place would be three more. They grew faster than mushrooms after rain. He refused to sacrifice people he cared for deeply to this game of shadows. Nevertheless, he couldn't simply walk away. Not now. Too much was at stake to give up.

David didn't want to wake easily frighten woman, especially considering that she had managed to fall asleep only twenty minutes ago. The knowledge that he was the cause of demons tormenting her cut deeply.

He never wanted for this to happen, never wanted drag Gill in the darkness he lived. David chided himself that he should have anticipated possibility of such outcome from the beginning, but he had been arrogant bastard and thought that it was in his power to prevent it, to keep them safe. Now he condemned himself for this stupidity.

Still deep in his thoughts David pressed the answer button and exited the room.

The conversation took at least five minutes. By the time he got back, the policeman posted in front of the doors was idly skimming through the newspaper. He didn't pay any attention as David entered the room.

A doctor in the white collar was administering something in Gill's IV.

As soon as David saw the man, his instincts kicked in, the tattoo of star and snake partially visible on man's arm clear confirmation of his fears. Before the man had a chance to react, David's right hook connected with his face sending him several steps backwards, away from the bed. At the same time David leaped forward and sharply pulled tubes from Gill's arm, ripping the small puncture into a bleeding wound.

The noise and sudden pain woke Gill. Confused and disoriented she gazed around and got momentarily frightened as she saw two men at each other's throats fighting for the gun. Warm liquid was freely seeping from the wound in her arm. Gill wanted to move, to press the emergency button for help and cover the injury, but couldn't. The limbs felt cemented in place. Besides the eyelids there was not a single muscle that responded to the impulses sent by the brain. The panic intensified ten times as she realised that desperate screams echoed only in her head and no noise was coming from her lips. She felt like locked inside her body without any connection channels to the outside world. Never before had she felt so helpless.

The panic attack made her heart beat intensify. Suddenly sharp pain ran through the chest and rapid heartbeat in her ears became chaotic. She couldn't breathe. It felt like heavy weight was pressing on the chest. The feeling brought back unpleasant memories that made the tightening even worse. Next moment the muscles in whole body started to contract. She had to help David, had to help herself, but there was nothing she could as the seizure made her otherwise limp muscles spasm and jolt.

Both men fell on the floor as they fought for the gun. Seconds later a single shot was heard. At the same time the pain in her chest became so intense that Gill lost the consciousness. Even after that the convulsions continued and the blood ran freely from the vein.

The room fell into deadly silence.

Only steady ticking of the wall-clock reminded that the life went on.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

###

It was perfect, everything he could ever ask for. Rays of sun were playing across the cosy room. Home. Their home. The delight in Gill's eyes mirrored his. He had said something and she laughed with that carefree, joyful lightness that made his knees go weak. They shared a light kiss and joined Emily in the kitchen. The feeling of warmness and homecoming overtook Cal as he watched his girls. That's right – 'HIS girls'. The scene seemed so natural, so real. Never had he imagined that there was a feeling of compete happiness. Now he knew better.

Suddenly it changed. Instead of colourful and light shades of the home he saw cold white grey walls. Like the ones in the hospital. Some noise was annoyingly beeping in the distance, getting louder with each passing second.

Something was wrong. He wanted to speak, but couldn't. His limbs were wooden. He couldn't move. Paralyzed. He was paralyzed. Panic overtook him as he screamed for help only then realizing that no noise came out from his lips. He was disconnected from the outside world, locked in his head. Never in his life had Cal felt so vulnerable and defenceless. The sound became almost unbearable.

Cal woke with a startle, palms sweated, heart drumming in the ears.

It was the middle of the night. He was in his bed. The mobile on his nightstand was jerking and twitching desperately flashing incoming call screen. That explained the noise. Call took vibrating object in the hand and looked at the screen.

Unidentified number.

Cal pressed the green button "Yes".

"Mr Lightman? This is Doctor Hamilton from County General. I'm afraid I have bad news for you. There was an accident. Gillian. She is gone. There was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry for your loss."

The world froze. Cal felt like someone whose heart literally had been pulled out of the chest. Primal scream erupted from somewhere deep within "Noooooo..."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Note: **_I have to admit, I'm quite surprised how many of you in the reviews and emails opt for David and not Cal... it makes me wonder..._

_###_

"Noooooo..."

Next moment doors to his room opened and worried Emily carrying half asleep Lena in her arms appeared in the doorframe.

"Dad! What's wrong?" she asked looking around. The sound of Cal's scream had chilled her to the bone. It sounded more like a wail of the hound of Baskerville than human.

"Nothing honey. It was just a dream. Just a dream" Cal tried to collect himself, but tremor in his voice was clearly giving away his distress.

"You scared us dad!"

"I know. I'm sorry. I guess this whole situation is playing on my nerves more than I thought" there was no point to scare the girls. At least not until he got a hold of what was going on.

"Are you sure everything is ok?" Emily asked still not convinced. Although now he was a bit calmer, hands he brushed over the face and rested on top of the head were visibly trembling.

"I'm sure darling. Go back to sleep. It will be all right." It was a lie. They both knew it.

"Fine. But if you need anything let me know" Emily said glancing once more at dad before returning back to her room. Good thing Lena was not completely woken by his outburst.

As soon as girls exited Cal put the cellular back to his ear "Hello, are you still there?" but was greeted only with beeping sound.

The voice on the phone, it was beyond simply worried, it sounded terrified. Since when did the hospital call in the middle of the night even for news like this? Something was wrong. He could feel it in his bones.

Cal pressed speed dial. No one answered. He disconnected and tried again. Still no answer. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as chills ran down his spine.

The dream. What if it wasn't a nightmare, but a premonition?

Cold hand squeezed Cal's heart.

He tried again. Nothing. The panic was settling in.

When he had already lost hope and thought how to get to the hospital without dragging girls out of the bed for the second time that night there was a click on the other side of line and he heard tired and rusty voice of David.

"I was about to call you. Take kids. Get here as soon as possible. We have a situation."

"Gill! Is Gill all right?" fear was almost suffocating.

"You are not safe there! Get out of the house now. The police will be there shortly" some indistinct voices were audible over receiver "Gill will be fine. Sorry, I have to go..." with that David disconnected. Damn him!

'_Will be'? What the bloody hell that means?_

Cal didn't have time to think. He had to get to the girls.

Next moment loud noises were heard at the back of his house. Someone was breaking in. At the same time the front doors burst open and sirens were heard in the distance. Shots rung in the first floor and heavy boots headed to the stairs.

Grabbing first thing that he could get a grip on, Cal ran out of the room. At the top of the stairs he almost collided with a tall figure in uniform.

"Mr Lightman. Captain Montgomery, special task force. Please come with us."

###

When Cal's car approached the hospital, it was full of cops. Red blue lights playing on top of the vehicles only aggravated the creepy feeling. For the millionth time Cal cursed David for everything that was going on. For all the heartache his appearance had brought into their lives, but most of all – for endangering Gill and now the girls. He wanted to smack the bastard for every single bruise on Gill's body.

From the back seat Emily was eying him worriedly. She knew that something had gone terribly wrong, but knew better than to ask questions her father didn't have answers to anyway. The break in their home had scared her to death.

The car parked right behind police vehicle closest to the entrance and they stepped out. Lifting half asleep kid from Emily's lap Cal with quick strides headed to the doors. Emily followed right in his steps, holing Lena's teddy bear and still warm wrap. The procession was headed and followed by police men. Apparently the instruction was not to let them out of the sight. It meant that the danger hadn't completely cleared. Cal's gut clenched.

Upon entering the hallway of the second floor Cal looked in the distance. At the far end of the corridor was Gill's room. Several men, including David were standing right in front of the doors actively discussing something. If Lena saw David, the hysterics was imminent.

"Take Lena. Go to the family room."

"But dad!"

"Do as I say" he started impatiently, but abruptly stopped. He was lashing out at wrong person. Emily had been true blessing during last days and supported him enormously. He knew that she was as worried about Gill as he was. Besides, the break in the house was still fresh in their memory.

"Please, do as I say. I will come shortly" he pleaded gathering himself together and giving her a brief hug. Last thing he needed was to fall apart in front of the girls.

"Fine. Just don't be long. Ok?" Emily replied. She knew that dad tried to protect them, but it didn't lessen her worry. She already guessed that something had happened to Gill and prayed to God that whatever it was, it would turn out fine. Just like it did with them.

"I promise."

He watched as the girls headed to the left followed by police. Good! At least they were protected. Cal turned on his heal and almost run the rest of the distance to Gill's room.

"What happened? Where is she?" Cal shouted at David, completely ignoring the fact that he was making a scene. He simply didn't care. Before David had a chance to reply, Cal had barged into the room only to find it empty. The feeling of dread from the dream surfaced with double force as he turned around giving the man deadly glare.

"She was moved to the ICU" David looked so broken and lost that Cal almost felt sorry for the man. Almost.

"There was an attempt on her life tonight. Unfortunately by the time I arrived the son of a bitch had already administered syringe of Succinylcholine into the IV bag. I barely managed to pull the tubes out. Nevertheless I was too late. Some of the drug was already circulating through her bloodstream. It caused cardiac arrest."

Cal's heart squeezed.

"Luckily doctors arrived on time. Gill will be fine."

"Succinylcholine?"

"It is used as a paralytic agent and causes complete muscle relaxation, commonly used in anesthetics. In large dosages it can kill."

"I want to see her! Now!"

"You will. Soon. In the meanwhile we need to decide on the plan."

"What do you mean?"

"The hospital is not safe anymore... neither is your house."

"Geez. You think?" Cal could not stop the barb. The thought that it all was David's fault simply refused to leave his mind "I got a call. It was some doctor Hamilton. He said that Gill was dead."

"Hamilton is not a doctor, but administrator. We found him bound and gagged in the closet. According to his testimony armed man in sky mask attacked him, made him make a phone call and left. Good thing that in the forms you indicated only cellular number and never the address. They needed to trace your location."

"Huh?"

"As strange as it sounds, we have been able to confine the information of me being a cop. Therefore Lena and after the events in the hotel also Gill are still considered as threats. Actually they both are still in danger, especially if I'm eliminated. Gill was a witness of the murder in the hospital and also saw faces of the kidnappers. Today's attempt was a low level order. It means that someone was covering their own tracks without orders from the top."

"What makes you so sure?"

"If it came from above we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

Cal got the underlying message loud and clear. First of all if the 'customer' was at top level, he would have known of David's involvement with DEA, therefore he would have been primal target and eliminated before attack on Gill. Two rabbits with one shot. Secondly, they would have tracked Lena more efficiently without necessity to trace them by cellular and done it before and not at the same time of attack in the hospital. David had sent special task force to Cal's address and street was full of cops' only minutes after the phone call. Cal had to agree that although planned it was not well coordinated operation. It also sort of confirmed David's theory.

In the meanwhile David continued "Everything is going down in read flames for Shark and his associates. The problem is that he has paws everywhere. Half of the cops in this city are in his pocket. Even certain senators are involved in his affairs. If you go under federal protection, I can't guarantee that he won't find you."

"Then we flee the country."

"Not in Gill's condition. I already spoke with the doctor. The risk that the change in pressure would worsen her already severe state is too high. Flying is out of question."

"So what do we do, Captain America. How do we keep them safe?" the venom in the voice wasn't even remotely masked.

"We don't. I'm too much into spotlights right now. There is no way I could disappear unnoticed. Besides I'm the main mark and my presence would only attract the danger." David starred at Cal with deadly serious expression "But you can. Take them and hide. Hide somewhere, anywhere. As long as even I don't know where you are, you will be safe. Don't use credit cards, registered sim cards, anything that could be traced."

"What about my ex-wife and my daughter? Are they in danger too?" Cal asked understanding the direction of David's thoughts. The man was right. Going 'underground' on their own was the best option considering the circumstances.

"I highly doubt it" David replied thoughtfully "If they will come, they will come for me, Gill or Lena. I'm the most likely target, because I can bring them down hard, including charging Shark for double first level murder. The kid should be off the hit list as soon as the rumours of my involvement spread around."

_The kid_. Distancing wording that David used didn't go unnoticed by Cal.

"So you expect me to take them and simply disappear."

"That is the plan."

"Does Adams know about it?"

"What do you think?"

Off course he didn't know. David would be in deep shit even for thinking about the offer he was making, let alone voicing it out aloud. Adams wouldn't want to lose grip on even smallest nail that he could pin in the coffin he so eagerly was putting together for Shark and his gang.

"We need to act quickly. Tonight. Before Adams knows what hit him" David still couldn't forgive the man for leaving Gill behind. The memory was engraved in his mind for the rest of the life.

_He had brought Lena to Adams and was returning for Gill. When he approached the parking lot, dark sedan was already there. Next thing he saw was Squirt and Mad Dog emerging from the room, latter was dragging terrified and resisting Gillian in tow. Even from across the place David saw fresh marks on her pale face. That got him lose control. He didn't even think before he shot two of his own men clearing his way across the space. As soon as the shots rang out Mad Dog pulled Gillian in front of him like a human shield. David couldn't risk and take a shot. The chance to hit her was too grave. David saw the movement from the corner of his eye. Next minute two men were attacking him and they engaged in a fight. Both men went down. Hard. Sheer pain shoot through his shoulder and David felt himself falling from the impact. Last thing he saw before his skull met the pavement was Gill going limp in the paws of the Mad Dog. _

_There was a sound of motor. _

_Shots. _

_Sirens. _

_More shots. _

_A car sped in his direction. It was Adams. He had put unmarked car right in front of David's unmoving body, shielding him from the attackers. Barely conscious David hauled forwards and took a leap at the open doors. His shoulder troubled even more as he landed hard on the floor in the back of the car. Lena was sprawled over the seats. _

_David remembered whispering "Can't leave... need to... save ... Gillian...", but his plea landed on deaf ears. Spinning of the world intensified. David blacked out. _

_Next thing he knew was flashing lights of the freeway. That son of a bitch had left Gill behind! He knew that Adams had followed the protocol, but that didn't lessen David's wish to kill the man with bare hands. _

_They had a traitor. That meant that the lives of three other agents were in mortal danger. Gill was kidnapped. He had sworn to preserve her from harm, but had failed. Badly. He had failed them all. There were only two things to do now - find the mole and pray. _

_One man alive could help with the first. A lie detector in person. David had to make Adams listen to his reasoning. In his line of work threats usually were most effective weapon and they worked. Rescue of Gill for his testimony. Plain and simple. _

_Now he had to keep his end of the bargain._

Cal looked at the other man incredulously. Was he serious? Gill was in ICU and David was speaking about fleeing the hospital. Maybe, Cal mused, he should literally knock some sense into Captain America. "Are you completely mad?"

"Hear me out. I have managed to get an ambulance, maybe not in the best shape, but at least no one would look for it. It is already loaded with medical equipment and drugs you might need. There is a nurse who agreed to help out and is ready to leave as soon as green light is given. All I need is you consent. Do I have it?"

Cal had to give David at least some credit. He really had put some thought into this. And annoyingly it also made sense. Especially fact that Gill was not safe here or under police protection and he and Emily were not safe as long as Lena was with them. Although Adams wouldn't intentionally harm his star witnesses, there was always risk that information is leaked. Any leak could lead to the sea where enraged Shark and shark-like creatures scurried.

Actually Cal had made up his mind as soon as he sensed the direction of the conversation. He would never abandon Gill. Never. Even at the cost of his own safety. But he had wanted to make David ask for his help.

"You have it. I need to find my daughter and contact her mother. She should be safe with her. I also need to get a hold on some money and drag some employees out of the bed to let them know what is going on."

"Fine. I will make the final arrangements. See you in what? Two hours?"

"Yep, that should do. In the meanwhile please make sure that no one else tries to kill Gillian" Cal just couldn't stop himself. Childish as it was he wanted for the man to squirm.

"Trust me, I will" David replied in all seriousness.

###

"Think about it. You will have to take care of Gillian. Who will take care of Lena?" Emily was not persuaded to go to Zoe. Besides she was making a solid point, but Cal simply couldn't risk with his daughter's life. If anything happened to his precious baby girl, he was wouldn't forgive himself. On the other hand the deal was that no one, not even David knew about their whereabouts. Was Emily really safer with Zoe? Maybe to have her under his sight was not the worst idea after all? He knew that controlling streak of his personality wouldn't be able to rest unless they all were under his supervision.

"Look. You can't treat me like a child anymore. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I'm going. Lena needs attention, a lot of it. And Gillian is in no condition to take care of her the way girl needs. Besides we both know that Lena is not responding overly well to you. It is not a criticism, just an observation."

Cal looked at his daughter with awe. When did she grow up so much? She was not talking like teenager, but like intelligent and sophisticated grownup.

"What did I ever do to deserve daughter like you?"

"That means I can come?" Emily asked with delighted shimmer in her eyes.

"Yes" Cal replied hugging her in tight embrace "you can come".


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_**Note:**__ 'Home is where the heart is'... The question off course stays – where is the heart?_

_It is not like I'm opening a poll or anything, but quoting Alice in Wonderland it gets 'curiouser and curiouser' how you see who would be Mr. Right for Gill..._

###

There was no other term to use, but kidnapping. How else would you characterise deluding law enforcement to snatch unconscious patient who at the same time happens to be a valuable witness from the hospital bed to hide in undisclosed location? Well, that would be Adams interpretation anyway.

Cal and David had a different perspective. It was not often they saw eye to eye, but this was one of rare times when they did. With Gill's security at stake, they were able not only to agree, but even work as a team. David had ensured the window of opportunity while Cal had literally snatched Gill from the bed, more precisely – with the bed.

Sitting in the back of the ambulance and holding pale fingers in his huge grip David kept rewinding the attack scene in the hospital. Not for the first time he had come too close of losing her forever. Eventless week had given them all false hope that the worst was behind, lulled into false sense of security. That is what happened when you are too involved emotionally and under too much pressure. One of the agents was dead, two more were still missing, Gill was in the hospital, and his own daughter feared him. Everything was already fucked, without Adams and DEA breathing on his neck.

At least with Gill the luck had been on their side. There was no other word than 'fluke' to characterise the outcome of the evening. If the stupid phone call had taken even a second longer, he was not sure Gill would have made it. The dose of the drug that reached her bloodstream had caused serious damage. Whole syringe would have killed her for sure, especially considering her weakened state.

Truth was he wasn't thrilled to leave Gill under Cal's care. Not because he believed that Cal was unable to protect them. It was more jealousy than reason. David still didn't understood how he had managed to simply walk of her life first time. Now it was not even an option, especially considering strong bond between his daughter and Gill.

Nevertheless, try as he might, he couldn't come up with a better plan. At the end of the day safety was more important than feelings. If it had to be Cal Lightman who kept them out of the harm way, so be it. David was not ready to lose 'his' girls because of his own stupidity or jealousy, and especially because of Adams or the case.

Cal went to get Emily and Lena. They would hit the road, leaving David behind to deal with the mess. It was for the best. Anyway it was easier to deal with everything and everyone if he was alone and didn't have to look over his shoulder to check if everyone else was fine too.

Gently brushing hair from Gillian's face David leaned closer and whispered against her ear "Just hang in there, ok? I will do my best to keep you safe, keep you all safe, but you have to get well. Promise me. I can't imagine this world without you in it. Even if you are not by my side, the knowledge that you are there keeps my spirit up during the darkest hours. Lena needs you... I need you... I told you once that I never thought to fall in love in this job and it is still true. Never, until I met you... Gillian."

In the distance he saw approaching figures of Cal, the girls and nurse who kindly agreed to help. He had to flee before they arrived, or Lena would get into hysterics.

Kissing Gill's forehead David took one last look over unresponsive form and exited the car.

###

They had driven for hours. In the back of the car Gill was hooked up to the machines and nurse was monitoring her vials. The girls were snoozing on the front seat.

Countryside road bent and curved in front of the car like a colourful never ending snake. They had left densely populated areas and were headed to the mountains. It was not simple drive to unknown direction. Cal had precise location in mind.

It was a cottage near the lake that he had found some time ago, even thought about renting and spending some quality time there with his daughter and if stars were lucky – his partner, but never had an opportunity to do. Maybe the opportunity was not the issue. It was more a question of free time and his obsessive streak of control. Although rational part of his mind knew perfectly well that one day or even a week without him at the office wouldn't stop the earth from spinning, he simply couldn't let it go. Force of habit.

The owner of the cottage was an old buddy of Cal's and lived nearby. If the cottage Cal had in mind was occupied, his friend owned several other places in the area. Either way it was best solution Cal could think of. He had never mentioned the place to anyone and now it became really handy.

###

Two weeks had passed since they moved in the wooden lakeside cottage. The place was amazing, even better than Cal remembered. The two storey log building hidden under tall pine trees offered spectacular view on the lake. Although it was already second half of the summer, the weather was more than generously warm and most time it was sunny. The girls spent a lot of time outdoors, especially in the water. They had their own sandy beach. Although it was small, it was more than enough for two of them. If not for the circumstances of their stay, these would have been best holidays of his entire life.

It had been a little tricky to explain to his friend why they were travelling on a vacation in an ambulance and with practically no suitcases, but Cal had come up with more or less plausible reasoning.

Gill was making slow, but steady progress. Cal still remembered vividly the fear he felt when she hadn't woken at all for first three days. Nurse Betty kindly and patiently explained on more than one occasion that Gill's body simply needed time to heal itself, that all the vials were stable and there was no immediate danger to her life. Even that didn't ease his mind and most of the time Cal sat by her bed. Usually he was not the only occupant, as Lena preferred to stay there and only on rare occasions Emily was able to interest the girl in some activities.

They all lived on standby waiting for the magic moment when Gill would wake. If it was a fairy tale, a simple kiss would have done the trick, but unfortunately it was not the case in real life.

It was evening of day four, when she finally opened those grey orbs. Lena was the first one to notice, as she was watching her like hawk.

Gill was completely disoriented and delusional from the drugs. Her first instincts came from where the picture was cut off and she tried to fight her un-existing attackers. It scared Lena into hysterics and Cal had a hard time to keep Gill in place, as he was afraid to put too big pressure on her fractured ribs.

After that things began to go uphill. Gill was staying wake more and more each day. Most of the time she spent with Lena, Emily often joined them. Cal liked to observe the ease and warmth that radiated in the room. Even beaten and battered Gill had this calming effect of peace and tranquillity on everybody, even him.

When Gillian woke for the first time Lena didn't speak, but with woman's hard work and Emily's assistance and time they had managed to get at least some small replies and short sentences. It was better than nothing and one evening Gill had confessed that after everything that happened, it was more than she had hoped for.

Hematomas on her face and neck were almost gone as was the swelling. Most hurtful part was fractured ribs and worrisome – the concussion. The dizziness and headaches didn't subdue, if only – they grew stronger, but that part Gill kept to herself. She didn't want to worry people around. They had already gone through hell because of her.

The recovery would be much faster, if Gill would receive proper nourishment. Although mere thought or smell of food made her nauseous, she tried to eat. Tried over and over again, but nothing settled down. As soon as she finished a simple toast or porridge, it quickly found its way up.

Nurse kept insisting that physically there were no indications that she was sick to the stomach or any of her other injuries would cause such an effect. In her opinion it was psychological trauma, but Gill refused to acknowledge the fact. She kept denying that there was something wrong, saying that she was fine and it would pass soon.

The truth was she was not fine. Far from it. Psychologist in her knew that she was displaying some early symptoms of PTSD, like terrible flashbacks and violent nightmares. Luckily for now they mostly happened during night when no one was around and strong sedatives mixed with pain killers that kept her usually sharp mind foggy helped to live through them more easily. No one knew about those episodes but her.

Gill dreaded the moment when the nurse would lessen the sedatives and she would be forced to live a night without them. She had some demons to face, but she didn't feel strong enough to do it. Not yet.

One day Gill had asked about the attack and Cal told her general outlines, at least to a level he knew himself. The particular conversation resulted in their first fight after she had regained consciousness. One that Cal still couldn't forgive himself. If it wasn't for his damned pride and jealousy, he wouldn't have acted so foolishly. Why he kept screwing up was beyond Cal.

"_Oh my God!" Gill looked at him with huge terrified eyes. The fact that Cal and the girls had been in danger was huge shock. Surprise and quilt was playing on her face "Luckily David pulled out the tubes from IV and sent the cops to your house. Without him we all would be lost."_

_Last statement was said with such an awe and gratitude that it got Cal's blood boiling "If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"_

"_It is not fair Cal! He never wanted for any of this to happen."_

"_Well, regardless of what he wanted, he let it happen."_

"_It was beyond his control..."_

"_If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be hurt, wouldn't have to fight for your life in the hospital bed..." Cal almost shouted. _

_If it wasn't for the bloody man, I would never have gone through the nine circles of hell raised out of fear to lose you! was left unsaid. _

"_If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have met Lena." Gill calmly replied to his outburst "Besides he did try his best to protect us all". She knew Cal well enough to know the roots of this outburst. Suppressed emotions of fear and helplessness were finally slipping over the top. He had every right to be mad. Drawn in the middle of sickening carousel he had been a great support. She was not sure she would have made it this far without him. It was feeling of security when he was around that kept her sane, otherwise the nightmares and memories of the events would have engulfed her in the depth of their insanity. Off course he didn't know that he was a steady anchor in the hurricane of her emotions and that mere fact of his presence helped a great deal. It was one more reason why she didn't take any offence of Cal's tantrum._

"_One hell of a job he did! You almost died twice. I was almost attacked in my own home"._

"_The key word is almost."_

"_Bollocks!"_

"_Cal, you have every right to be angry at the situation, but not everything is David's fault."_

"_The bloody hell it is not!"_

_The way she kept defending the man stung. There was a time when she had made excuses for his actions the same way she was now justifying David. The anger that overtook Cal was irrational; she had done nothing wrong, but still he wanted to smash everything on his way. The fucking Captain America didn't deserve such loyalty, especially considering all of his secrets and lies. The fact that in this regard Cal was the same as the man in question only fuelled frustration._

"_Maybe some of it is my fault too, have you thought about it?" she asked in a same calm tone "I knew David was hiding vital information, but never really pressed for it. Maybe if I had, there would have been way to prevent it all, at least to keep you out of this mess."_

"_You really think that is what bothers me?" _

"_I don't know. What is it that bothers you Cal?"_

"_He lied to you."_

"_So have you on number on occasions."_

"_He put your life in danger, all of our lives in danger!"_

_Gill didn't reply to the latest remark, but they both knew the truth. As much as he wouldn't like to admit it, Cal had done exactly the same._

"_Why are you defending him?" _

_There it was – the truth. That was what had been bugging Cal, the sole reason of their argument. He was jealous. Of what she still had to guess. Most probable reason was the fact that her loyalties went outside the Cal Lightman universe._

"_Really Cal? Is that what this is all about?"_

_Cal stared at her pouting, but didn't say a word. What was there to say? That he was a jackass? That when she was alone he mistreated her, but once she found someone, he was not able to let her go, acting like a dog on a haystack._

"_As I said, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have met Lena. For that I will always be grateful. The girl had been through a lot. We have gone a long road together and I care for her deeply. Besides she doesn't have anyone else..."_

"_Well, that is not entirely true, is it?'' Cal interacted indelicately. Somehow even from a distance David Burns managed to get under his skin and it pissed him off. "She has her biological father!" _

_As soon as the words left his moth, Cal was ready to put a foot in his mouth and stomp it so deeply that it met his guts. What the fuck was he thinking about? Was he thinking at all? To put such a bomb on Gill in her weakened state without a warning. Fuck!_

_Momentarily paleness and expression of utter shock on Gill's face confirmed his fears. It had been too much to digest. For a long time she was silent and Cal was worrying that he had pushed her beyond the limit. There was no justification to the way he had put Lena's parentage in the open. None whatsoever. _

"_What do you mean – her biological father?" Gill asked in a rusty voice when she finally got hold of her vocal abilities. Whatever the truth was, it was a major cliff changer._

_Cal opened and closed his mouth like a fish on a dry land. The truth was out there in the open and no matter how he tried there simply was no way he could take it back. Not anymore. _

"_Cal!"_

_He just stood there motionless, looking like a lost sheep. If it wasn't for the gravity of the situation, one could enjoy the fact that Cal had finally been left speechless, most probably for the first time in his life. Gill didn't care for any of that. Words 'biological father' kept playing in her head. There was someone in Lena's life after all. It meant that she would lose the precious girl just like she had lost Sophie. It was inevitable. The question stood only when and how. _

_Cal saw the myriad of expressions changing on her pale thin face. Disbelief, shock, fear. The latter brought out physical pain and unknowingly Gill's hand reached over her heart, putting a light pressure to ease the ache. He had opened a can of worms, old wounds she had been working so hard to conceal. How didn't he see it before?_

"_David is Lena's father." Any truth was better than pained expression on her face._

_Absolute shock mixed with relief didn't go unnoticed by Cal. _

_She had never seen it coming. That much was clear. The only thing was that instead of being mad at the man for lying, she was rather relieved with the turn of events. It meant that Lena wouldn't be snatched out of her life unexpectedly. There was no other word than happiness to describe the realisation._

"_I'm sorry, luv, that you had to find out this way" Cal said remorsefully "Sometimes I'm such an ass."_

_His confession brought Gill back from the thoughts she got lost into. This explained so much. David's worry for the girl. The way he indirectly tried to make her tell about every little detail of their day. Tension between Cal and Lena. It had nothing to do with their mutual dislike, he simply was associating her with David and the girl sensed his reservations._

_Gill took one of Cal's hands in a reassuring manner to let him know that she was not mad._

"_You knew it from the start, didn't you?" It was not an accusation. Simple statement. "Why didn't you say anything before?"_

"_As much as I wanted to, it was not my secret to tell." He replied simply, sitting down on the bedside in a way than his back was against the bedpost and stretching out hand in an offer of a hug._

"_Why everything always has to be so complicated?" Gill sighed leaning into comforting embrace and closing her eyes too tired to stay awake. Her energy was still draining quickly and when emotions were high, the exhaustion was almost immediate. _

"_Don't know, luv, don't know..." Cal replied thoughtfully, enjoying the feel of her warm body against his side._

_If only the circumstances were different. _

_Right place, wrong time._


	20. Chapter 20

_**Note: **__Special thanks to all of you who keep posting the reviews ... _

**Chapter 20**

At the end of third week the cottage had lost one of the occupants. Kind nurse had said her goodbyes before Cal drove her to the nearest bus station. She had her work and life to get back to and considering that medically Gill's life was not in emanate danger it was time to leave.

Over last week's she had became almost a family member to them. Even to Cal, who didn't let people in easily. Nurse Betty was kind person who could be very nice and comforting, but at the same time was able to put on tight reins if the situation required it as well as set strict limits and rules. On several occasion she had even chided Cal and the girls, well - mostly Cal.

The fact that the headstrong lady had been able to deal with stressed and grumpy man spoke volumes about her character.

Person who missed nurse's presence most was Gill. They had gotten along from the start and Gill felt comforted by always present and adamant elderly lady. Working with patients all her life, nurse was good at reading people. Not in a way Gill and Cal were, she had her own unique ability that more than once got Gill by complete surprise.

It was more a sense of other person's feelings than talent to read expressions. Nurse Betty always knew when Gill was stressed either from memories or nightmares and needed someone's presence in the room to calm her fried nerves, when she needed someone to talk to or simply needed distraction. The persistent lady had quickly deciphered who of the others members was best suited for each occasion and was quietly orchestrating everyone around. It was done so naturally and with such an ease, that no one but Gill had noticed the pattern.

The nurse was the only person to whom Gill had confided about symptoms of PTSD she was developing. They both agreed that it would be a long way until she would heal emotional trauma, especially considering that most of the time Gill was dedicating to Lena and her needs, pushing her own problems aside.

Nurse liked Gillian and the way she cared so deeply about orphaned girl. It warmed her heart to know that there were still compassionate people who reached out to those in need not for some selfish motives, but simply because they cared.

Gillian's kind, open and loving nature was complete opposite to her partner who was a good, although very complex man. Very complex indeed. Already in the hospital nurse got impression that Cal was not easiest person to deal with. Gillian was his better half so to say, the only person who could keep up with brusque man and even manage to keep at least one of his foots on the ground. But at the same time Cal was a positive influence on the woman too. Only with him she got that glow, positive aura of content. It was an interesting relationship to observe. Even if they never got romantically involved, Betty sensed that they were very integral part of each other's life. There was no wonder the man had been such a wreck when Gillian's life had been endangered. Considering how deep his attachment run there was no wonder that no one, not even Betty herself, had ever questioned whether he really was her husband.

The farewells passed with tears and promises to keep in touch. As much as nurse would have liked to stay and help these nice people, she had her own family to take care off. Her daughter and grandson who lived on the east coast were visiting next week. She hadn't seen them for over a year as her daughter was finishing internship in the hospital and had quite busy schedule. Besides money also was an issue, considering expenses for grandson's education and daughter's medical school. There was no way she could miss the long waited reunion with her beloved family.

###

"You promised!"

"I promised that I will take you outside only if your body temperature drops to an acceptable level."

"Cal, it is only natural if there is a slight temperature in case of inflammation" Gill sighed exasperated. She desperately needed to get out of the room, preferably before the walls began to close on her. If she would be forced to stay inside for one more day, it threatened with a serious case of claustrophobia. Three weeks in a row spent on a bed could drive anyone crazy.

Cal was such a mother hen, especially since Betty left. Following nurse's orders up to the point and even beyond Cal was ever present voice of reason, always saying what she was and was not supposed to do. Even trip to the bathroom was supervised and he always stayed just behind the doors in case she suddenly passed out or injured herself. It was endearing, but at the same time Gill was a bit worn out by so intense care. If only she could do something by herself, she wouldn't feel so helpless. It would help to get back self confidence and maybe help with her fears and nightmares.

At the same time Gill sensed how important 'this' was for the man in question. He did it not because someone had told him to, he acted that way because he really cared and Gill didn't have the guts to tell that sometimes it was overwhelming. Like right now.

"Happy now Mr. Cynical? Only 99.5."

"Well, technically Mr. Cynical can't be happy. It is his power and curse." Cal replied with a devilish smirk on his lips.

Gill playfully smacked him on the arm. She loved the playful banter. It eased up her mind from more serious matters, like those reoccurring nightmares or some worrisome behaviour she had noticed after Lena.

Generally the girl was fine and was coping better than Gill had dared to hope. It had required a lot of time, patience and love, but the progress was visible. Still there were some episodes that made Gill worried.

Like yesterday, out of blue the girl began to cry hysterically and even Gill hadn't been able to calm her. Then there were times when Lena just zoomed out, as if going into her own little world. It took some time to get her responsive again. Those were all typical consequences of emotional trauma, but the question remained how deep the roots run? Would she ever be completely cured or the scars were too deep and would stay there for the rest of the life?

Cal looked at the woman with deep concern, paleness of her cheeks and deep shadows beneath her eyes were only tip of the iceberg. The lack of appetite hadn't passed as he had hoped. She was as thin as Lena. Literally! It wasn't healthy at all.

From day one when Gill woke, it had all been about Lena. The woman had spent every waking hour with the kid and although Cal understood the reasoning, he wished that his partner would take better care of herself.

Besides he was not blind. There was definitely something she concealed. He had his own suspicions, that the trauma from the whole ordeal rand deeper than Gill ever let on, but it was not something he could really push her to admit. He knew that Gill didn't want to worry anyone, especially him and Lena and therefore kept her feelings and fears to herself. Or maybe she was not ready to face them yet, but they were eating her from inside.

If she only would let him in! They could deal with absolutely anything together.

But it was not his call to make. She had to be ready, to open up in her own time, on her own terms. For once in life it was not time to press and probe. Until she was ready, he would stay right there, by her side, but behind the trenches.

"Fine! You won. I will set up a nice, cozy place for you outside and will be right back. Don't you dare to get up while I'm gone, or the deal will be off." He threatened on the way out.

"Aye, aye" Gill replied with one of his favourite phrases. Cal couldn't suppress a chuckle. She could be such a tease when wanted to.

Actually he had lied. Everything was already set up and the girls were waiting. He just needed to take a wrap he had forgotten on the first floor's sofa. It was Emily's idea to have a surprise picnic. The idea, which Cal had approved momentarily. Why not make a small party for themselves? They deserved it after all.

Returning upstairs he found Gill cautiously and carefully exiting the bathroom "I see someone had been a bad girl!"

"I just needed... Never mind. Can we go now?"

The fractured ribs still hurt like hell when she moved and the strength she once possessed hadn't yet fully returned. Even their everyday small walks around the room were huge effort.

"Your wish is my command, my lady!" Cal replied putting the warm material around her slender shoulders and gently lifting her up.

"What are you doing? Stop fooling around! Cal! I can walk!"

"You can, but your muscles are not ready for such distances yet. Let's take it slow. I will get you down the stairs and then you are free to try it on your own. Deal?"

She could hear nurse Betty behind those words and smiled "Deal!"

Even Cal hadn't evaded and learned some of her methods and tactics. The thought of the kind woman made Gill sad and Cal momentarily sensed the change of mood.

"What is it, luv? Am I hurting you?" he asked worried that maybe he had done something wrong.

"No. It's all right. Just remembered Betty. Can we go?"

"Sure. Hang on." He replied descending the stairs.

Although Gill was grown woman and was the same height as him, at her current state she weighted barely more than a feather and to his great dismay it was not an exaggeration. If this went on, she would have serious health issues from malnutrition. Maybe it was time to push harder?

Once they reached the ground floor, Cal kept his promise and let her down. As much as he didn't want to, he had to respect their deal. Gill stood there, leaning on him and a bit short of breath.

Even although she hadn't had any physical effort, simple change of altitude had made her head spin. Was she really so much weaker than she thought?

With Cal's support and encouragements they finally made it outside.

"Surprise!" came excited screams of the girls who had been patiently waiting for the arrival of the grownups.

"What is all of this?" Gill asked genuinely and pleasantly surprised. She had been so focused on the task at hand, namely making her weak muscles to move, that she hadn't paid too much attention to the surroundings. What she saw in front was practically a picture taken from an advertisement where a perfect family's perfect day was captured.

On the green grass lay a huge sheet covered with white and red squares. On top of it was a picnic basket and all sorts of goodies lay around - brownies, apple pie, meat balls, barbeque, bowl of salads, variety of fruits, the list went on and on. In the centre of it stood a bowl of yellow flowers that added nice artistic touch to bright and colourful view. Pillows were tossed haphazardly around the perimeter and in the right corner stood cosy looking deck chair someone had nicely and neatly covered with soft mattress and warm blankets. The girls were standing beside the makeshift table smiling and holding a huge sign: "We love you Gill! Get well sooner!"

"Mommy, mommy, do you like the sign? Emily made it! I helped to colour the words!" Lena screamed excitedly, dropping her end of the huge sheet and rushing over.

"Off course I do honey!" Gill replied putting an arm around girl's shoulders. As much as she would like to lean and give the kid a hug, the damned ribs squeaked in protest even if she breathed too deeply. Leaning could turn the pleasant day into full blown disaster "I absolutely adore it! Thank you! Thank you all!" She was truly moved by the effort. A silent tear of joy ran down her cheek.

Although Cal was glad that the girl was finally speaking full sentences and not only giving half way verbal responses, the words brought uninvited mental picture of David Burns. It was already second time when Lena had addressed Gill that way and although he had nothing against their deep connection, he couldn't help but remember David's confession.

Shrugging it off, Cal took Lena's hand and with Gill still leaned tightly against him they moved to the makeshift picnic table where Emily waited.

There was no way he would let Captain America ruin their perfect day.

###

It was nicest afternoon Cal could recall. All the worries were tossed aside and they simply enjoyed warm afternoon, nice view and pleasant company.

For once sparkle he had missed so much was back and shone brightly in Gill's eyes, eyes filled with delight and love.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_**Note:**__ there is always a trigger setting things into motion..._

It was the middle of the night. Moonlight shone on a lone figure violently turning and tossing in the huge bed. Beads of sweat run down contorted face almost in a cascade. She was silently mumbling. Begging or praying, it was impossible to tell. Suddenly eyes filled with sheer terror opened and Gill sat upright in the bed gasping for breath. Perspiration trickled down her face, breathing rapid and uncontrolled. Arms stretched in front, as if reaching for or blocking some unknown figure that was no longer there. No sound escaped her lips, but mouth was wide open as if in the middle of a scream.

_It was a dream! Only a dream! _she tried to convince herself. Well, a nightmare more precisely. Still it was so real, too real for her liking.

Although utterly exhausted, Gillian couldn't force herself back to sleep. It was one of those nights again. Even soothing chirrup of crickets that could be heard through the half open window didn't help. Maybe a cup of hot chocolate would do the trick and melt some of the ice she felt inside.

Wrapping satin nightgown in a large flannel robe Gillian silently left the room and barefooted tiptoed down the hall to check on Lena. Although she knew that it was irrational, the fear that something bad had happened to the girl was engraved in her heart. Reassurance, that the kid was fine, always helped to ease the nervousness.

Small bedside lamp gave cozy and comforting light and illuminated softened face of the sleeping girl. Lena never fell asleep without a light and teddy. Two essentials. Monsters tormenting small soul were too scary, to be faced alone in the dark. But she was not the only one, who was tortured by shapeless creatures of gruesome memories.

Gill wished she could scare her fears away with a teddy bear and light. Life was so much easier when you were a kid. Well, maybe not Lena's life. Nevertheless, perception of things with child's innocence was untainted and simpler than one of a grownup. Over-analyses of 'what if's' alone was huge headache, not to mention almost palpable fear hidden in sub-consciousness and like a silent predator waiting for a chance to strike.

Assured that the girl was fine, Gill continued her journey through dark and silent house as she found her way downstairs.

"Couldn't sleep?" came a low voice from the living room and Gill jumped in surprise.

"Jesus, Cal! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, luv!"

"What are you doing up so late?"

"Just couldn't sleep" there was no reason to tell her the real reasons why he was up. No need to worry already distressed woman "You?"

"The same" They both knew that it was a lie, but Cal didn't press and Gill was thankful for that "I was going to make some hot chocolate. Want some?"

"Nah! But you knock yourself out. Need help?"

"I think I can manage, but thanks anyway" Gill replied entering the kitchen area and opening the fridge.

"Maybe I can interest you in something more than just a cacao?" Cal whispered near her ear as he approached the woman from behind "How about some late night snack?"

"Not hungry"

"You hadn't eaten anything whole day!"

"I ate a toast and salads."

"You took a bite of toast and played with salads."

"Still counts. Beside it is the middle of the night, I don't want to eat."

"Fine! I'm just worried."

"I know" Gill replied with sight "There is nothing to be worried about. I'm fine."

"We both know that it is not…" suddenly the lights went off. Apparently the generator had glitches again. He definitely needed to call the owner. It was not the first time.

"I will get the candles" Cal said taking a step to the side. At the same time Gill took a step backward, and they collided. The impact was not big, but as Cal ran right into her side and pressed on the healing ribs, it made Gill hasp. Cal's hands momentarily shot out steadying the woman.

"Are you hurt?" Cal asked worriedly, gently running his hands over the dark silhouette.

"It is nothing."

"Liar"

"Really Cal, it is fine. Little pain in the ribs, nothing that I can't manage."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Get the candles."

Her skin under his fingers and the warmth of her body felt so good, that Cal had absolutely no wish to let go, but longer he stayed in this position, more awkward it would get.

Once sure she was steady on feet and relatively unharmed, Cal loosened grip on her bare shoulder, with large quick steps crossed the room and exited the front doors. The candles were in the shed.

For a moment Gill just stood there. She had felt the electricity run through his fingertips and it had made her flush. Sometimes their light banter and ordinary touches came too close to the line.

Putting the cattle on the gas, Gill crossed the room and stood in the open doors. Even the nights were almost unbearably hot. The soft breeze caressing her skin was only a slight relief. Gazing into the darkness outside, Gill saw small flashes of light all around as lightning bugs performed enchanting dance in the yard.

In the distance she could hear Cal's cursing as he bumped into something in the dark. Never a patient man. Gill wondered how it was for him to leave all the adrenaline and excitement aside and dedicate full time to monotonous routine with her and the girls. Most probably he felt trapped and confined, anxious to get back. Little did she know that it was completely inaccurate assumption.

The milk most probably was already hot and Gill returned to the kitchen. At the same time Cal entered with candles, still cursing under his breath.

Couple of minutes later they both had comfortably settled on the large sofa. Candlelight played a game of light on shadows on their faces. Both were quite lost in their own thoughts, but simple fact of sharing a peaceful moment was enough. It was comforting.

Cal had been up disturbed by some news he received earlier. In the evening he had contacted David and the office. The news from David was quite good, the investigations had progressed significantly and a lot of arrests made as well as charges brought. Those were the news from Ria that bugged him a great deal. The firm was being sued. A big time. He had left the business in unready hands and now they would pay the price. Truth was that even if he had known this would happen in advance, his call would have been the same. To hell with everything else! At the end of the day it was family that mattered, and Gill was part of his family, regardless of the status of their relationship.

He had given Ria number of their attorney, but for now they would have to deal on their own. Maybe it was wrong to conceal such crucial information from Gill, but he simply didn't see any point to share. She couldn't go back and he wouldn't. It was a standoff.

All the while these thoughts were mixing in his head, Cal carefully watched the woman out of the corner of his eye. She looked vulnerable and a bit lost sitting in the corner, feet tugged under, and delicate hands holding the cup slightly shaking. He knew that most probably nightmares were the sole reason why she was up.

More than once she had asked him to give her time and space, not to press her, and he had agreed, patiently waiting, but maybe it was not the right thing to do after all? Although her physical wounds were healing nicely, the emotional ones were not treated at all. Besides, Gill still practically didn't eat. That alone was worrisome.

Cal knew that it was not healthy to suppress the emotions after trauma and if the roles were reversed, she would have convinced him to share. Maybe he should try and press after all?

"Luv?"

"Huh…" she looked at him as if she had completely forgotten that he was in the room.

"Want to talk about what is bothering you?"

"And you? I can see that you are upset…"

"Don't turn the tables around, Gill. You know that you have to…"

"Cal! I don't have to do anything" her tone turned to warning. Gill knew it was not fair that every time Cal tried to make her open up, she got angry and pushed him away. She simply was not ready to go through the traumatizing experience again. Not yet.

"What I meant is that if you want to…"

"I don't" she said already calmer. Cal wanted only what was best. It was her own fault that she couldn't get pass that thick wall and unburden her soul. As much as she understood how good talking was, she never would have imagined that it was so difficult to be on the other side of the table.

"Ok, ok. Just know – I'm here if you need me."

"I know" she replied as a light tremor ran down her spine. Despite the helming weather she suddenly felt cold. It didn't go unnoticed by Cal. Always the observer.

"Let me help you with that" Cal reached over and took half empty mug from her hands. She was mostly mobile, but some of the movements, like starching forward to reach the table still hurt. Her hands were ice cold and Cal took them in his huge palms trying to warm them up "If only I had known you possessed the power to beat the heat!"

"Then what?"

"It would have been much more pleasant way of refreshing than pushing myself in the refrigerator." It was meant as humor, to ease the tension, but somehow came out awry.

Gill eyed him with raised eyebrows, while he still held her hands and their eyes locked. It was one of those moments when everything around stilled. The darkness surrounding them and romantic light of candles made it almost perfect moment, but when Cal lightly moved forward, Gill suddenly jerked back and unsteadily rose on her feet.

"I will go to sleep. Good night, Cal!" she quickly headed for the stairs.

"Good night, luv."

Instead of going back to her room, Gill tiptoed down the hall and entered lightly lit room she had visited just before decent downstairs. Silently entering the small room Gill crossed the distance and carefully climbed in the bed next to the sleeping child. She didn't feel like being alone right now. Lena slightly turned, but didn't wake, as Gill lovingly adjusted the blanket and gently stroke black curls from kid's face. Gill rested her head on the pillow, near the girl's nape smelling vanilla and honey scent from the shampoo. As Gill put one of the arms around small frame and snuggled closer, Lena mumbled something in her sleep that sounded a lot like 'mommy', but didn't wake.

"Shh… sweetie. It is ok. Sleep." Gill gently whispered without any real necessity. It just felt good. Maybe Lena did need her, but she needed Lena more. That was the truth.

Gill was not ready to think about Cal and their complicated relationship. Completely on their own accord Gill's thoughts returned to David and the fact that he was Lena's father. She had known that David withheld information from her, but never, not in a million years Gill would had suspected this to be his big secret. Initially she had been shocked into a stupor, but once she had a time to think about it, those were not bad news. It meant that Lena was not left alone in this world, that she had blood relatives who cared.

Poor man! He had gone through hell! She really felt for him. How horrible it must be to not be able to be with your own child. Even more so, when the circumstances had made you the scariest boogeyman of all times. She hated this sickening twist of fate with all her heart.

If it was up to her, David would become an integral part of Lena's life. He was a good man, a decent man. He deserved the chance and Lena deserved to know her real father. It would be good for both of them.

After a half an hour Gill had dozen off, never even realizing it. Usually nightmares got her up for the rest of the night. Somehow tonight the demons decided to leave two tormented souls alone and let them have some so desperately needed peace.

###

Whole week the weather had stayed unbelievably hot and even late afternoon hadn't managed to bring the degrees down to something more or less bearable.

To have at least some relief from the heat girls went for a swim. Gill was sleeping soundly in the hemlock, while Cal had retreated to the house to make some sandwiches. After time spent on the water those two got back hungry as pack of wolves.

He also had to take care of the dishes from lunch and pack leftovers in the fridge or everything would be spoiled before the evening. Cal was humming some annoying tune that had stuck in his head. It was song from one of those teen groups that Emily had been listening for the last week. The music back in his days was a way better. Incomparably better! Nevertheless, he couldn't deny that the tune was contagious, sticky as flypaper. If only he could get it out of his head!

Suddenly a blood chilling wail erupt the peaceful atmosphere "Noooooooo!"

Cal's heart froze, as he recognized terrified voice. Gill!

Half washed dishes shattered against the wooden floor as he dashed outside.

###

Cold merciful hands dug deeper in her neck blocking the airways. She was choking, lack of air sending burning sensation to her lungs. Suffocating. Dying. The panic was overwhelming. Try as she might, she couldn't move. Her wooden limbs simply refused to obey, like some invisible force was holding her down.

Conscious part of the brain tried to reassure that there was nothing to be afraid of, that it all was just a dream. Just a dream! A dream! Dreams can't physically hurt, right?

With this thought in mind Gill woke startled and desperately gasping for air only to find herself eye to eye with unfamiliar man who was leaning over her. Bones chilling wail of horror erupted lips, as she began to fight the stranger: "Noooooooo!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Note: **_Talk about lousy timing... _

_**Warnings:**__ Rated M / NC17 – just to be on the safe side, although nothing overly graphic..._

Bones chilling wail of horror erupted her lips, as Gill began to fight the stranger: "Noooooooo!"

###

Turning the corner Cal was ready for the worst. There was no doubt in his mind that they somehow were traced by the mobsters and now all of their lives were in mortal danger. Crap! He didn't even have a decent weapon!

Next moment he froze dead in his tracks at the sight greeting him. In some twisted way it could even be considered funny, if it wasn't for the circumstances.

Jeff, his buddy who had rented them the house was trying to still Gill's hands and block the punches of hysterical woman. The surprised man had absolutely no idea how to react to such a greeting. Expression on his face was priceless. But that was not what got Cal's attention.

Gill was terrified beyond belief. Her already pale skin was almost translucent, as if all the blood had left her body for good.

Too scared to even think, not to mention think rationally, she acted on pure instinct.

Cal rushed over worried that the outburst could do damage to her healing ribs.

"Gill, luv, it is ok, this is Jeff, they guy I told you about, the one who rented us the house. Remember?" Cal tried to subdue trashing and shaking woman, but his pleas landed on deaf ears.

Gill's mind had frozen between the reality and dreadful memories. All the traumatic events ran in front of her eyes in undistinguishable vortex – merciful cold hands tightening around her neck, lifeless body of the receptionist sliding down the floor, being cuffed and almost raped. She was not sure anymore what was real and whom she was fighting. All she knew is that if she gave up, everything would be lost.

"Hi, Cal! I guess it is bad timing..." Jeff said short breathed, finally free from the hysterical woman. For a couple of minutes he just stood there, several feet's away doubtfully scratching head as he observed Cal's attempts to calm distressed lady. Whatever reaction he had been waiting for, when he lightly shook her shoulder to introduce himself, it was not the one. He knew that Cal had a partner here, but thus far he had never seen her. Maybe she was a bit nuts or something Jeff wondered for a second.

"Sorry, pal. I will explain later." Cal replied, his eyes never leaving distressed woman. Despite the heat of the day, her skin was arctic cold. Suddenly the tremors of her body turned to heartfelt sobs.

"I will go now..." Jeff said after several more minutes of aimless shifting from one foot to another. He had absolutely no idea what to do when women cried. Tears made him even more stressed than physical attack. The sooner he left this scene, the better.

"Shhhh... luv! It is ok, it is ok..." Cal gently caressed trembling form. From the corner of his eye, Cal saw Emily approaching in a distance. She was nearing the other side of the wooden house. If Emily came, soon Lena would follow. The kid didn't need to see any of this.

"Go back to the beach! Now! I will come for you!" he shouted at the startled girl. Emily was smart; she didn't need to be told twice, especially when she saw the scene in front and heard grave worry in her father's voice.

Twenty minutes later Cal was still holding crying Gill in a tight embrace. Slight rocking of their bodies seemed to have a calming effect. God, she had so many bottled up negations. No wonder that with the right trigger they erupted like volcano.

"I didn't know you were such a cry baby!" Cal tried to ease her mind. He had used exactly the same phrase once before, when Gill was attacked during the case of Ria's sister and it had helped then. To his big delight it worked now too. Slowly the sobs lessened and the rocking of her shoulders eased.

"I'm sorry"

Why first words that came out of her mouth always were apologies? Especially when she hadn't done anything to be sorry for.

"Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I overreacted. Your friend..."

"He is a big boy and will deal with it. Someone had to teach him a lesson not to creep on sleeping woman. Besides, I could use this opportunity to re-negotiate the rent."

"How?"

"I could threaten to send you over with the check, if he didn't give a discount."

It did the trick and finally got at least some sort of 'smile like' reaction from Gill.

###

Although the accident of the afternoon was not such a big deal, it opened the can of worms Gill so desperately tried to contain. By focusing on everyday tasks and helping Lena to heal, Gill had put aside her own issues. The same ones she would rather stuff in the back of the closet in a hermetically contained box labelled 'Toxic' and pretend they never existed.

Psychologist in her realized that only when she faced the fears and worked them through, she would finally start to heal. That emotional trauma was also the sole reason of her lack of appetite. Nevertheless, everything was so much easier in theory. When you had to convince someone to open up it was one thing, but when you were where the one on the couch – completely different reality.

Gill knew that she was not alone. Cal was there for her. He had been un-characteristically patient and undemanding, waiting for her to open up on her own terms. So what held her back?

Unfortunately she knew the answer to that one as well.

Fear.

###

It was way pass midnight. Gut wrenching scream echoed through the silent night pulling occupants of the cabin out of their sleep.

Cal and half asleep Emily emerged on the doorsteps of Gillian's room. Upon opening the doors a grotesque picture came into view. Sole occupant of the room violently tossed and turned in the huge bed, sweat running down her contorted face. She was mumbling. Words were muffled and incomprehensive to the pair.

"Dad what's wrong with her?" Emily asked terrified by the scene.

"She is just having a nightmare" Cal replied stepping inside and moving to the bed "It's all right. Go back to sleep luv, I will take care of Gill."

With a doubtful expression on her face Emily did as told. In the meanwhile Cal approached the bed. He needed to wake her, but at the same time he didn't want to scare her even more. Whatever she was fighting in her dream, was real to her.

Cal gently put an arm on her shoulder and shook it "Gill, luv, wake up, it is just a dream!"

She fought him, just like earlier in the day she had fought Jeff. Even asleep her movements were full of desperation and dread. Cal tried to still her, so she wouldn't injure herself, but it only worsened the situation.

"No! Don't touch me!" she sobbed, eyes closed still in the power of the nightmare. Cal leaned closer to whisper soothing words and was completely taken aback when without warning she smashed her head against his face.

It was a close call, almost broke his nose. Thank God for his quick reaction. He managed to pull away just enough so her forehead collided with his jaw. It hurt, but no damage done.

Suddenly her eyes flew open looking at him with pure terror. As soon as recognition settled in, Gill's muscles relaxed under his touch and all the fight left her body. Laboured breathing and flushed sweat ridden face clear indicators of her recent turmoil.

The whole ordeal left them in quite awkward position – Cal leaning over her, both of her arms trapped above her head, her night robe that was three sizes too big for her slender form slid down her body leaving her cleavage bare almost to the point where it could be considered inappropriate. His breath hot on her bare skin sent shivers down her spine.

"Are you alright, luv?" Cal quietly whispered.

"Fine" Gill answered trying like hell to regain her composure. Was it really so hot in the room? The terror of her nightmare mixed with Cal's proximity was making her head spin.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cal gently inquired trying not to sound too pushy, but at the same time not moving an inch from the awkward position.

"No. Just a bad dream. That's all. I can't even remember what it was about." She lied as the images kept playing in her mind.

"You are a terrible liar" Cal smirked. Why didn't he just pull away? It was the right thing to do. Why it was so impossible? It was not the place or the time!

"Is that really a bad thing?"

Was he just imagining or there really was some innuendo in her tone? The dilation of her pupils was real or trick of his brains?

Gill knew that it was absolutely wrong thing to do. Well, maybe not the wrong thing to do, but wrong reasons to do it. Nevertheless, suddenly it didn't matter. She was sick of nightmares, tired of feeling afraid, helpless and victimized. She wanted to feel something, anything else than that. Anything at all. She needed comfort and suddenly there was only one way to get it.

Before she had a chance to change her mind, she acted. With her hands still securely held above her head, she lifted her head and kissed Cal. Not the chaste kisses they shared on occasion, not the passionate kiss of a lover, but something more raw and primal, a kiss of need.

"Gill, we shouldn't…" Cal tried to object between hot kisses. It was not the way it was supposed to be. Not while she was so distressed and weak, when she was completely out of her usual self. He felt, like he was taking an advantage.

The closeness of her body, the heat radiating from her, the expression of need on her face – it all was making it literally impossible to pull away. It had been a pure torture to be so near her and yet so far over the last weeks, that even the thought that she could regret this act of despair later somehow didn't hit the emergency stop button.

He kissed her back with all the passion and love he had accumulated over the years. When his mouth closed greedily over her neck, her heartbeat accelerated to the thunder, pulse echoed in temple.

Cal shifted position so that both of her hands were held in one of his, as he lowered the other arm to trace the outlines of her face at the same time putting wet trail of kisses on her jaw. Gill responded to his ministrations with soft moans that sent Cal into even higher state of arousal than he thought was humanly possible.

Everything in her was rising toward the heat he offered. His weight pinned her down, but not to a point when it could hurt her healing ribs. Despite the fact that all the blood had left his brains and cumulated in other parts of his body, he was still aware of her delicate state and cautiousness crept into his actions.

Cal's arm moved south and through the satin material caressed her breast as his mouth claimed hers again. Finally, after all this time Gill felt hot and alive.

Even through the powerful haze of lust, panic started to crawl. She tried to fight it, willed her mind to shut off the bloody images, but it was a futile battle. Suddenly instead of Cal's passionate gaze she saw merciful brown eyes and the cold lustful smile of the Mad Dog, as his arm moved between her legs.

"_This could prove to be most exciting interrogation I had in a long..."_

The power of memory was so strong, that she even felt nicotine filled breath on her face.

It was wrong! It was not real!

She couldn't let this happen! It wasn't happening!

The reality and memories where suddenly mixed to a point where Gill simply lost it as her lungs shut down.

"Stop!... I can't breathe!... Wait..." she tried to say through Cal's passionate kisses, tried to turn her face away.

It took some time for Cal's overheated brain to realize that her intensified wriggling was panic, not passion. Heavily panting, he momentarily rolled aside, letting her go completely. By that time, she was already hyperventilating, her lips turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

It was full blown panic attack and there was only one thing to do. A bit roughly, but medically necessary, he gripped her shoulders and yanked suffocating woman to a sitting position, pushing a bag against her lips.

"You are breathing!" He slightly shook her. "Stop gasping, it will just get worse. Just breathe."

It took some time till Gill's breathing evened out. By that time she was so exhausted that momentarily fell asleep. Trails of fresh tears still wet on her pale cheeks. Cal had repositioned himself in the bed so that his back was pressed against the bedpost and her head rested in his lap. He sat there gently stroking her shoulder and arm.

_What the hell just happened? How did we go from burning to below zero in mere seconds?_

He should have known better. Shouldn't have started something she was not ready for. Cal knew only general outlines of what had happened. Gill has never told the specifics. It was very unusual for the open and forthcoming person she usually was to hide from the problems. Whenever there was an issue in the past, she was always the first one who offered to talk things out. Why was she so introverted now? Maybe she loved David and that was the sole reason why she so suddenly freaked out.

Her uncharacteristic withdrawal, guilt, jumpiness whenever someone approached or touched her when she hadn't seen it coming, fear from sharp movements and unaccountable sounds, fear of closeness. A thought bolted through Cal's mind, leaving him sick to the stomach. When put together these symptoms spoke volumes and had nothing to do with actual or presumable feelings for Captain America.

Could it be true? No, he didn't even want to finish the thought. It was too painful to even contemplate.

Still it was a stone cold possibility that she had been sexually assaulted.

Sitting in the darkness, he stared at moonlight lit silhouette of the sleeping woman, dry tears clearly visible on her tense face. Apparently sleep didn't bring her peace and relaxation. Even with eyebrows knotted in deep concentration, she looked so fragile and innocent.

Dark thoughts and 'what ifs' played in the man's mind. He was so lost that didn't notice silent tears sliding down his own cheeks.


	23. Chapter 23

******Note: **And the truth shall set you free... or will it?

**Chapter 23**

Rays of the sun fell on a delicate skin and Gill shuffled in her sleep. For some strange reason she felt warm, secure and safe. She couldn't recall the last time when she woke up not being covered in cold sweat with heart drumming in ears. The feeling was so wonderful that she wanted to stay this way forever.

"Good morning sunshine," she heard familiar voice near her ear.

What? How? When?

The events of last night slowly returned. God! She had pushed herself on him and then backed away. He must think that she was nuts. Embarrassment rolled over her in hot waves. All she wanted was to hide underneath the blanket and never come out.

"How did you sleep?"

"Mmmmm..." was her sole reply as Gill pulled the sheets across her face.

Cal laughed "You do realize that you can't hide there forever!"

Gill was surprised that Cal so precisely had guessed her intentions.

"What time is it?" she finally asked.

"A little pass twelve."

"What?" Gill sat up with a start "Lena must be up and hungry. Why didn't you wake me?"

"The girls already ate and went to the town with Jeff. They will be back in the evening," Cal replied with a lazy smirk on his face "Your cover is blown; you can't hide behind the kid anymore. You and I – we are finally having that talk."

"What talk?"

"Playing dumb does not suite you."

"Not now," Gill replied sensing that it was a setup, a trap she had unknowingly walked into.

"If not now, when?" Cal asked.

"When I will be ready!" Gill was getting aggravated.

"When that will be?" Cal didn't stop to pushing her.

"I don't know!" Gill almost shouted.

"What happened Foster? I have known you over a decade. You have never been a coward!"

"I... I..." Gill froze not knowing what to say. Cal was right, she had never turned away from problems, never hid her head in sand regardless of how unpleasant or tough the situation was. Why this time was different? The nightmares and fears were normal occurrence in the case of PTSD. As psychologist she knew that only way to heal was to let the bottled up emotions out. Only when she faced the tormenting demons, she would finally get some peace. Why it seemed such an impossible task?

"Were you... While you were hostage did they..." Cal was not able to finish the sentence. It hurt too much.

Gill finally looked at him, sensing the deep worry and almost physical pain in Cal's voice she understood what he was trying to ask "No! No. One of them tried, but I didn't let. I think I broke his nose before he beat me into unconsciousness."

"That's my girl," Cal felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from his heart. The sincere relief in his tone made Gill feel better. There was no judgement or condemnation on his face that for some strange reason she expected, only deep worry and care.

"The only way to make them go away is to face them," Cal's voice was soft and gentle as he voiced her previous thoughts.

"I..." Gill started and stopped. What was she going to say? I have nightmares from almost rape, I saw a woman killed with a single bullet to a head, I almost died from strangulation, I almost killed a man, I can still feel the pain from the beatings in my dreams? Was that what really bothered her? Maybe, but Gill knew that it was not all. She was not ready yet to face her biggest fears.

"Don't rush, darling," Cal encouraged "We have all the time in the world, but we have to start somewhere. You can't go on like this. Think how Lena will feel, if you collapse from malnutrition."

Last one was blow below the waist, but it was cold harsh truth.

Tears started to gather in the corners of her eyes and Gill stood from the bed moving to the window needing physical distance. As she heard shuffle of bedding behind her back she knew that no matter what she did, where she tried to hide, Cal would not let her go until he got what he wanted. Silent steps approached her as warm arms wrapped around her suddenly freezing body.

"You are safe, I'm not going anywhere," Cal whispered against her ear "And I'm sorry for the last night. I knew you were not ready, but didn't found the strength to stop."

"It was not your fault; I started something I shouldn't have."

Last part hurt.

"You love him," Cal stated matter-of-factly, closely monitoring her profile.

"Yes," Gill replied without a second thought, only later registering his statement "Wait! What? Who?"

"David," Cal replied hunting slightest change on her face like a hawk. It sounded more like an accusation, not statement.

"I... Why? I don't know," Gill was truly confused. What on earth had brought that up?

Cal visibly relaxed. The surprise and incomprehension was genuine and for now that was enough. It was clear that despite whatever David had conjured in his mind he hadn't shared it with Gill. She didn't have the slightest clue what Cal was talking about.

"Sorry," he apologised "I got a bit carried away. The truth is I'm afraid that you are regretting what almost happened last night."

"No, I'm not regretting, I'm embarrassed," Gill shrugged as her cheeks coloured in red.

"Don't be. It was amazing."

"Up to the point when I freaked out."

"Well, considering everything I'm happy that you are speaking with me today," Cal smiled.

"Where do we go from here?" Gill asked in a small voice, suddenly feeling completely lost. Only Cal's proximity gave her strength. She always felt safe when he was around.

"Let's make ourselves comfortable and you will tell me everything that happened during last month," Cal said taking her hand and pulling her downstairs.

They were sitting cosy on the front porch with a warm cup of tea in hands. It was the first day when the weather was slightly chilly, but in the sun it was still warm.

Gill was leaning against Cal, head on his shoulder. Cal's arm was wrapped around her waist.

It took some persuasion from Cal's side, but finally she opened up. Once she started to speak, the dam broke and the words left her mouth like a river its banks in a spring. She told the whole story from the start, her and Lena's story. Somehow she even confessed her biggest fears. First one being that Lena could get harmed or taken away. After her experience with Sophie it was more than simply sore point. Gill was not sure she could survive it once more, especially considering the bond she shared with the girl.

Second was paralysis. Before Gill vent into cardiac arrest back at the hospital, she had waken only to find herself completely immobile. It was the scariest experience ever; being trapped inside her own head without any chance to communicate with the outside world still plagued her nightmares. She saw everything, but couldn't move a muscle. Then she felt sharp pain and the world went into bright colours. Gill was sure she was going to die.

Cal listened to her completely mesmerised. Who would have thought that his calm and sweet partner was so tough? Not all the men would be able to stand the ground and defend the ones they loved the way Gill had. His admiration to the woman grew to all new level.

When she finished, the air around them fell into silence. Gill didn't have the guts to look into Cal's eyes afraid of what she would find there. For some reason she felt that hugely it all had been her fault. If only she had sought help earlier, it all could be avoided. She feared judgement. That is why she was really surprised by his next words.

"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You know that, don't you?" Cal gently kissed her forehead. Gill smiled leaning into him and taking comfort in his closeness. Next words send cold shiver down her spine.

"When you were kidnapped, it was the most horrible time of my life. I have never been so terrified. The mere thought that I could never see you again drove me nuts."

"I'm sorry," Gillian said closing her eyes. She didn't want to even imagine what she would have felt, if the roles were reversed.

"What I'm trying to say is that I love you Gillian Foster," Cal whispered as his fingers lift her face locking their gazes.

"I love you too," Gill smiled, eyes shining with unshed tears. She did, he was her best friend and partner, closest person she had.

"What I meant is that I love you, really love you" Cal's gaze turned deadly serious as raw emotions she had never witnessed before surfaced "I have loved you for so long, but never had the guts to admit it."

The seriousness got Gill completely sober. He was not speaking of platonic love shared by friends.

Cal Lightman was in love with her!

The confusion and surprise shone on Gill's face as she fell silent. Before the whole mess she had been in love with him too. With everything that was going on her thoughts had not ventured in this direction. Was she still in love?


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

_**Warning:**__ Sexual content (M / NC 17)._

"What I meant is that I love you, really love you" Cal's gaze turned deadly serious as raw emotions she had never witnessed before surfaced "I have loved you for so long, but never had the guts to admit it."

The seriousness in his voice got Gill completely sober. He was not speaking of platonic love shared by friends. Cal Lightman was in love with her.

The confusion and surprise shone on Gill's face as she fell silent. Before the whole mess she had been in love with him. With everything that was going on her thoughts had not ventured in this direction. Was she still in love with him? The answer was simple – yes. Despite their differences, they were two sides of the same coin, yin and yang. Although a lot of times he was insufferable, infuriating and even made her mad, he also made her complete. Gill could not imagine a life without Cal by her side.

Gill saw fear in his eyes as he waited for any sign, a fear of rejection and disappointment.

"I really love you too Cal Lightman," Gill whispered leaning closer and catching his lips with hers.

In that instant Cal knew that despite all odds he was the luckiest man on the face of the planet.

_###_

Cal had always been impatient man, lived for the action. He had never thought that simple domestic atmosphere would be enough for his oversized ego, believing that after a while he would feel trapped and bored, but none of the above had happened thus far.

On the contrary, he completely adored the warm atmosphere they had and simple small everyday tasks and events. Like making Gill breakfast in bed, taking girls on a boat ride, all four of them sitting together in Gill's room and watching some silly movie.

It made his heart filled with warmth; feel completeness he never knew existed.

At the same time he knew perfectly well that what they got here was just a temporary harbour. Soon they would have to leave this sanctuary and face the cold harsh world. The same one where David still was Lena's father and Gill would be forced to face her demons in person, where business they built with such a hard work most probably was blown apart.

Well, the last bit maybe was an exaggeration, but the lawsuit didn't look so good. Besides Cal believed that no one but himself and Gill were able to handle the cases with necessary prudence and thoroughness.

Nevertheless, for now he enjoyed the feel of home away from home.

Since the ice had been broken and Gill had opened up about terrors and horrible nightmares, she had started slow, but steady process of healing. It was not something that could be solved over one day or even one month, but she was on the right track.

Even her appetite had improved significantly.

###

"Are you sure?"

"I am," Gill replied, warm smile softly playing on her lips as Cal leaned closer.

"Just say the word, and we will stop anytime you want," Cal whispered against her ear.

"I know," Gill murmured, heart beating faster as she melted from the desire and warmth in his eyes. No one ever had made her feel so special, the intensity of his gaze sent hot shivers down her spine.

Gill knew that her fears would hold her back, never let her live the life in full. It was like plague, always waiting somewhere in the dark, ready to attack in most inappropriate moments. If she wanted to get rid of it, she needed to give up control and see that nothing bad happened. That being powerless wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Of course there were other ways to achieve it, but none of them was as simple and tempting as sex.

Most of all, she loved Cal and trusted him completely. If she could release herself both psychologically and physically, it was with him.

Cal's hands gently moved up and down her body lightly caressing it. He was completely overwhelmed by the softness of her skin and sweet scent of jasmine and vanilla. Reaching up Cal brushed back a lock of hairs hovering above her face. Her eyes were sparkling in the soft glow of the candlelight.

Gill's heart raced in the chest as he lowered his lips and gently brushed them over her neck. Closing her eyes she tilted her head backwards allowing him better access. Her breathing quickened from the feelings his hot breath on her neck sent through the body.

Agonizingly slowly Cal moved his lips up her neck and across chin until they reached the sweet softness of lips. Gills hands slid below his T-shirt and up the torso guiding the piece of clothing off his shoulders and tossing it away. Her hands were soft and hot as she moved them down his bare shoulders.

Cal's fingers fumbled with buttons of her blouse until he felt bare skin against his own. He slid the silk material down her slim shoulders exposing soft and gentle curves of her bare breasts. Leaning forward he took one of the nipples in his mouth nibbling at it gently. At the same time his hand drew lazy circles around the other one. Gill's body responded to the touch as her back arched.

His mouth slipped across her bare skin to fondle the other breast, but Gill stopped him and guided his chin up to her lips. While engaged in a passionate kiss, Cal's left arm moved south until it found the inner thigh and caressed the sensitive flesh with a feather like touch. Gill replied sliding her arm down his length cupping the firmness of his erection through the boxers. Cal was not able to suppress the moan of pure pleasure as she lightly squeezed her delicate palm. In reply he moved his hand up her tight pushing her cotton panties aside and playing with labia before he slipped one finger into her slick core. Gill arched her back even further enjoying the sensation.

Suddenly without any warning the demons were back mercifully smothering her. Gill tried her best to suppress the vivid memories that threatened to overwhelm her, but felt like she was losing the battle.

_Cold merciful fingers dug into her neck, hot nicotine filled breath filled her nostrils._

Cal froze "Are you alright? You're trembling!"

Cal's voice was filled with such a concern and face filled with so much love as he leaned on his elbows lifting his weight off her body that Gill almost chocked from all the emotions she felt. Not trusting her voice Gill pulled him closer and kissed him hard on the lips.

Cal pulled back to look at her, "I love you. We don't have to do this if you are not ready," he softly whispered. Intensity of his gaze went through her like a beam of X-ray. She felt like he was staring right into her soul.

_I want you. I need it. Please_, her eyes begged.

"I need you too," he said kissing her gently.

Gill swallowed hard and took a deep breath to relax her taut nerves. It helped. Slowly the feeling of safety returned.

"Are you sure?" Cal was still gazing in her eyes, catching every micro-emotion.

_Yes_, Gill said with her eyes, still not trusting her voice.

Cal returned his finger into her soft depths and then pulled out again making her moan in protest. When he slipped it into his mouth to taste her, Gill's body shuddered with need. That was all the reply he waited for as he shuffled down and moved his tongue across her labia, judging from the way she started to toss finding her clitoris.

"Oh God, Cal," Gill arched her back almost beyond the limits, body screaming with pleasure. When she was not able to take the sweet torture of his lips anymore, Gill whispered "I need you inside me. Now!"

Cal was only happy to oblige. He moved up from between her legs, removed what little clothing there was left and finding her entrance plunged inside filling her like no one else. They were a perfect match. Gill gave herself up to him completely, all the fears and doubts that ruled for so long slowly vaporised into thin air.

"I am inside you, no one else, but me..." he whispered against her ear, making her hotter with desire as he started to move.

Cal set the rhythm, their pace and it was exquisite. Catching her every emotion, sensing every vibe he found the perfect angle that ensured the ultimate pleasure. Soon his movements became jerky, he was close and she was as well. They climaxed together with such an intensity that literally saw the stars as their bodies shook with the force of the explosion. Gill thought that she actually passed out for a split second. Cal rolled to his side and drawing her body tightly against his chest so that her head rested on his shoulder.

"Wow," was all he was able to muster. Gill smiled leaning further into inviting depth of his warmth and closing eyes.

Completely spent they fell into peaceful slumber.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

_**Note:**__ The life goes on..._

One month had passed since they were back and life went on. Sometimes it was strange how simple solutions were given for ungodly tangled and messed up situations. Well, maybe not for everything, but still.

David had managed to keep his word. Lena and Gill were not summoned to testify even once; their names were removed from all the case materials.

According to the official version Lena was not home when her parents were killed. The paperwork confirmed that just after their death under the guidance of the social services she was put into orphanage where she supposedly was still. Legally David had absolutely no connection with the girl, nor did Gill besides the fact that she had handled in the documents for adoption and now was waiting for the reply.

Gill knew that somehow David had managed to convince the head of the orphanage to let the girl stay with her. She guessed that his connections had been really handy.

What she didn't know was that in reality it had nothing to do with connections. David had used the oldest form of negotiations – a bribe. The amount requested was not a small one either, but for him it didn't matter. As long Gill and Lena were safe and happy, he would not spare any money in the world.

Gillian was spending most of her time home with Lena, as the girl still had to get used to the new environment.

It didn't mean that the woman forgot all about her responsibilities. Paperwork from the office formed neat piles in her living room. Gill's long absence hadn't gone without its consequences.

Since Emily was staying the rest of the summer with her mother, Cal had practically moved in Gill's house. They had agreed to take it slowly, one step at the time, but his constant presence didn't do much to affirm this decision.

Lack of money was becoming a really big issue. The case, same one Ria had called Cal about, had more serious consequences than anyone anticipated. The court decision was not in the favour of the Lightman Group. Considerable amounts had to be paid in compensations. Cal was still convinced that the whole complain was a load of crap, fabricated to get money from them, but appellation was pointless.

Gill was summoned to testify, but Cal made the decision not to inform her. The woman had been through hell as it was. Cal had no intention to put her in harm's way in an open hearing where David's 'friends' could turn up. The risk was too high.

Considering that officially they had no connection with Shark's case and were not out of the country, the fact that they both didn't turn up for testimony significantly worsened the result. The appeal was legally difficult and would only bring additional bad publicity they really could not afford.

As a result all they could was to tighten the belts and triple the efforts, taking up more cases than normally. Even the ones Cal once referred to as below their dignity were welcomed, although in all fairness it has to be noted that those landed on Loker and Ria. Cal's attention was focused on largest and most important clients; Gill on the other hand was struggling with the paperwork, financial statements and IRS. According to her calculations even all their effort was not enough to pull them through.

Despite the fact that money was a stressful topic, it never caused arguments. Cal and Gill knew that they will make it through. As long as they had each other, everything would be just fine. Money or lack of it if being concise didn't bring storm into the paradise. The reason for their constant fights was completely different and had short and simple name - David.

As soon as the air was finally clear and it was safe to return, David delivered the news in person. When he arrived at the cottage, he momentarily noticed the change of atmosphere. All the small things, like photos and Lena's drawings indicated that his fears had materialized. The situation had finally pushed Cal and Gill together. David dreaded this outcome from the start.

Unfortunately to send both girls away with Cal had been the best solution. Despite the outcome, in his heart David knew that if the situation repeated, he would make the same call. There were no doubts in his heart. Gill's and Lena's safety was far more important than his feelings. Better they were safe and sound with Cal, than in danger, hurt or even killed with him.

The life was not fair, never had been. He just had to finally embrace the fact. Remembering all the shit and tough decisions he had to make to keep them all safe, David hoped that all his efforts were not futile.

The way Gill's eyes glowed with joy and delight when she spotted him inside the cottage, the way she hugged him were memories the man held close to the heart. It was only a friendly gesture, but it was something genuine and good, something that was worth fighting for. Despite everything, even her romantic involvement with Cal, David knew that he would not be able to walk out of her life again. Never.

Cal together with the girls had gone to the town for some groceries. It gave David and Gill some time to talk. David told everything there was to say about the case, main point being that finally it was safe for them to return. Gill was more than happy to hear the news.

Looking at her radiant face David couldn't stop himself. The question that was bugging him for so long broke free before he had a chance to think it through "Back then, when we were dating, if I hadn't walked away... Did we have a chance?"

Gill's expression changed to one of genuine surprise. This was not a turn in the conversation she was expecting. On their own accord her memories returned to the time when out of the blue he had suddenly kissed her in the car, right in front of the child care facility. Seeing how important the answer was to the man Gill thought for a moment before carefully replied "I truly don't know..."

David knew that she was not being illusive; she gave the most truthful answer at her disposal. What was he expecting anyway? Proclamations of undying love?

One more issue was bugging him with the same level of urgency.

"And Lena?" David asked carefully, afraid of what the answer could be.

Gill's eyes were full of tears and voice trembled as she replied "There is no one in the world that I love more than her."

"Are you considering a possibility to adopt her?" the fear was clearly audible in David's voice. He owed Lena her parents, her childhood. The only way he could at least try to make some amendments for his misdeeds was to ensure that she grew up in loving environment and received best care in the world.

Gillian. She was good psychologist not only because of her education or experience; it was because of her kind and caring heart. If she couldn't heal the deeply wounded child, no one would. David had seen the bond those two shared and it warmed his heart. On more than one occasion Gill had fought for his kid risking with her life. It meant everything, but David was not sure what the future would hold with Cal in the picture.

"I will do everything in my power to keep her. That is a promise."

David released the breath he unknowingly was holding, his own eyes watered with unshed tears and he pulled the woman into tight embrace, "Good. I'm so relieved. There is no one else I would like her to be with, but you."

"What about you?" Gill carefully asked.

David eased his grip on her shoulders, but didn't pull away as he caught her eyes. There was no point to lie. She would detect all the half truths right away. For once he didn't want to lie, "The truth is that I can't be a part of her life, at least not officially. It would be too dangerous for both of us. Shark is not the only one after my head. Besides, to keep you both out of the harm's way, I had to sign a contract with the devil, in this case he had taken form of Adams. In three months I'm going under cover again. Compared to these guys Shark is just a common herring."

"It means that we still have three months," Gill looked at him seriously.

"For what?"

"For you two to bond," Gill said putting delicate palm against his cheek, "You are a good man, David. Lena has the right to know her real father. Maybe you will never be in her papers, but I will do everything in my power that you are in her life."

Until now he never realised how much he had longed to hear exactly these words. David closed his eyes relishing in the comfort of her closeness. He didn't want this moment to end. Ever.

Like all good things in this world it ended rather abruptly, with the sound of Cal clearing his throat.

The scene spoke volumes. Cal's blood was boiling. There was nothing, but genuine kindness and compassion on Gill's face and it was understandable considering circumstances. It was David's expression that tuned Cal into jealous schoolboy. He was openly showing his love and affection, something Gill was not catching up because of her pure heart.

Both man gazed at each other with open hostility. The standoff was broken off by Gill, who finally noticed Cal's arrival and worriedly asked "Where is Lena?"

Since that moment both men were figuratively speaking on a war path. Cal hated how David had so solidly put one foot in the doors of their life. He was never going to disappear, never let go. That was a given.

Even more annoying was the fact that his manipulation had worked so perfectly. Gill worked really hard to make Lena accept her father. Since their return the three of them spent more time together than Cal cared to acknowledge.

Moreover, he had seen the way David acted around Gill. Quick touch here, considerate gesture that bordered on intimate there, it was driving him mad. The fact that Gill was oblivious to David's ministrations, at the same time soothed and angered the man. It meant that she was not romantically interested and it was good. At the same time her naivety drove him crazy and he had never been overly good when dealing with his temper.

Gill continuously reminded that her relationship with David was purely platonic, that she had to act taking at heart Lena's best interests, that bonding was important for the father and the daughter.

Quarrels, Cal storming off in jealous rage and latter apologizing had become their routine. Like today, when the whole argument was triggered by David's prolonged goodbyes at the front doors and kiss on Gill's cheek.

_Cal's voice was full of venom as he opened the doors "Are you sure I'm not the third wheel here?"_

"_What? Why?" Gill was dumfounded._

"_The kiss..."_

"_It was just a friendly gesture. Nothing more. You know that I love you," Gill tried to kiss his lips, but Cal leaned away. Sighting she entered the house._

"_It is the third time this week when you go out," Cal continued._

"_David just wants to spend more time with his daughter. You know how tough it had been, for both of them," Gill sighed knowing full well what was about to come. She knew how difficult it was for Cal, tried everything in her power to lessen the tension, but with no success. Those two acted as archenemies despite her best efforts. Gill knew that it was not Cal's mistrust in her that provoked these scenes; it was his dislike of David._

"_Don't you see that he is manipulating with Lena to get to you."_

"_Don't be ridiculous, Cal. No one is manipulating anybody."_

"_You are too naive."_

"_Don't start!"_

"_I'm not starting, it is a mere fact. You are supposed to read people for living, why you never see anything when it comes to the men in your life, first Alec, now David..."_

"_Please, Cal, just not today..."_

Despite everything, these episodes were only a small stumbling stone. The good things they shared were much more solid and substantial, far more important for both of them. The fights did not drive them apart, not really anyway. Besides make up sex always was excellent.

Nevertheless, deep down Cal feared that one day whole situation might turn into something really ugly. He was well known for his inability to tame his short temper after all.

###

It was the end of second month. Lena was already asleep. Cal had read her a story for night and Gill had tucked her in two hours ago. It was almost midnight, but the two figures sitting in the kitchen were far from relaxed.

They were having serious conversation.

One that they had postponed as much as it was possible, but the time to deal with inevitable had come.

"Cal, you know there is no other way."

"There has to be."

"There is none. You have to go..."

"I will not. I refuse to leave you."

"Please, at least consider it," Gill's voice was almost begging "I can't make you go, but you know how important it is, for you, for me, for us... We can't go on like this..."

"I will change..." Cal started, but Gill stopped him in the middle of the sentence.

"There is nothing left to change; we already tried everything we could... It is the last resort to keep it all together..."

"I don't like it."

"Neither do I, but it is the only way."

"Are you sure you will be fine without me?"

"Truth?"

"Always."

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully, "But I will do my best."

"I'm not worried about Lena. I know she is in good hands, but I don't like the idea of you being alone. Who will be there to help you deal with the nightmares? Who will make sure that you are taking good care of yourself?"

"I will. I promise," Gill smiled putting her palm on his and squeezing it. Then, with a light smile on her lips she added, "Besides, admit it. You actually are interested to go. It is a great opportunity from scientific point of view."

"It is, but I don't like the idea of leaving the firm and you for so long."

"That is not the main reason," Gill said carefully looking at the man "Something else is bothering you."

"Truth?"

"Yes."

"I'm not sure whether I will be able to survive a year without you and Emily by my side."

"One year is not such a long term," Gill said, but her voice lacked necessary amount of confidence to be convincing. One year without any means of communication was too long for her liking.

The money situation had gone from bad to worse. They had to let go half of the staff, as they had no funds for salaries. The whole argument of the moment was directly related to the potential solution to this problem. Fellow scientist of human behaviour and friend of Cal's had offered him to participate in scientific research.

Paul had received a huge grant for the research in Papua New Guinea. Previously unknown tribe had been discovered. Considering their absolute isolation from the outside world they were excellent mach for the research. The remuneration was more than sufficient to help them deal with the money issues. Besides, it was also an excellent promise of new publication for Cal, something he had not been focusing on for too long.

The problem was in this short period of time Cal had grown so close to Gill that it left him wondering how he had managed to live until now without her by his side. The prospect of being separated regardless of how solid the reason was, looked less than appealing. For both of them.

It scared Gill, as she had just started the process of healing her wounds. Cal's presence and constant support was a great help. She loved him, loved the life they had managed to create. The feeling of fulfilment and happiness was almost too good to be true.

Cal on the other hand for the first time in life felt really connected to someone. Not even his relationship with Zoe had brought him such fulfilment and peace. It was everything he had ever wanted, even more. It was like they were created for one another, perfectly synced. He was afraid that his long absence could crash this dream that had finally materialised. Especially considering dark cloud at the horizon named David. The other man would not think twice, before stepping in Cal's shoes and that was something Cal would never allow.

Gill stood up, rounded the table and sat in Cal's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, "It is you decision to make after all. Know that whatever you will do, you have my full support."

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Cal asked. It was amazing how she always knew just the right thing to say.

"No, today you haven't," Gill smiled, her eyes full of mischief as she leaned closer and kissed him.

###

Two days later Cal invited Gill to their favourite restaurant. After all the contemplations and weightings of pros and cons he finally had agreed to join Paul in his research. The contract was signed today. They were departing in three weeks. It was rather short notice, considering that on the other side they would be deprived from any sort of communication technologies, but the deadlines for project implementation and interim reports were rather strict.

They had already finished the dinner, even desert and were on their third glass of champagne. Gill was smiling radiantly at Cal. He took her small palm in his.

The serious expression on his face made her sober up. Before she had a chance to ask what got him so worried, Cal stood from his seat, moved around the table and got down on his knee.

Gill's breath got caught in her throat as he gently lifted her palm to his lips and kissed it and gently put a beautiful diamond ring on her finger "I know I'm not the easiest man to live with. I know that lately I have been a real jerk. I have hurt you more times than I care to admit. I can't promise that I will never let you down or disappoint you again, but you are the sole reason I have become a better man. I love you Gillian. There are not enough words to describe the depth of my feelings. You are my better half, my heart and soul. I have absolutely no idea how I managed to survive all these years without you by my side not only as friend and business partner, but as my partner of life. Will you consider making me the happiest man alive? Will you marry me?"

Gill looked at him, mouth agape, accelerated heart beat and butterflies flying in the pit of her stomach. Whatever she was expecting tonight, a proposal was not on the list. She had lost the gift of speech from the shock.

Cal's stare was so intensive that it almost burned a whole in her face. His anxiety bordered on fear, fear of rejection. The truth was that until now they had never even brought up the subject of marriage. Both had been burned badly after the first try.

Maybe she was not even ready to think in this direction, maybe his timing was too lousy?

After overcoming initial shock Gill's face turned radiant with a smile, eyes sparkled and whole expression was filled with so much love and devotion that Cal's hands involuntarily shook from emotional turmoil.

That instant he knew the answer. He didn't need the words, but still it was exciting and overwhelming to hear her soft voice whisper three wonderful letters he so desperately had longed to hear.

"Yes!"


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

_**Note:**_ _Life is never easy and rarely fair..._

It was late autumn, but the weather was keeping unusually warm, although a promise of rain had driven most of the park visitors away. The skies had been cloudy most of the day, and now even the wind had stopped. It looked, like a huge storm was coming, but there still was time before it broke free. Light breeze caressed the couple, as they slowly walked down the path.

"I really hoped to enrol Lena in the pre-school this semester," the woman thoughtfully said taking a quick glance at the playground where Lena was happily playing with several kids. The progress made over last months was unbelievable. There was nothing left from the scared, bony girl with large empty eyes underlined by dark circles. She was healthy, happy and adjusting amazingly well. Most of all, she loved Gillian with all her tiny heart and the woman loved the girl in return, loved more than live itself.

Lena's and Cal's relationship before his departure had improved significantly, but the progress Gill had managed to get in girl's relationship with her father was admirable.

"Adoption process takes time..."

"Don't tell me about adoption process," Gill snapped, but next moment her apologetic gaze fell upon the man "Sorry, it is sensitive topic for me."

"I can see that you are not going to tell me why," David sighed.

"No, I'm not."

"I'm not pushing you, but if you ever want to talk..."

"I'm fine, there is nothing to talk about," Gill sighed and stole one more glance back at the playground. Lena was still there. Seeing that Gill was looking at her, the girl smiled, waved her hand and returned to her activities.

"Fine, be it your way. There is something I wanted to talk to you about."

The expression on the man's face was grave and Gill tensed. Nothing good was about to follow.

"Remember our talk back at the cabin? It is time. I have to leave. The new mission starts and I'm going undercover again."

Gill's face fell in disappointment "But Lena, I hoped there still is time... You and she just..."

"I know. It hurts me too. I don't want to leave her, I don't want to leave you," although the last part was said very quietly, the emotions were vivid. Gill would have been taken aback from their power, if only she had caught up on it. She was so lost in her thoughts on how Lena would take that at first Cal, and now David was leaving them that she didn't pay too much attention to the subtexts.

"When are you leaving?" Gill finally asked, looking at him with heartbroken expression. She was really afraid how this whole situation could affect Lena.

"This evening," David said "Everything is already arranged."

He didn't need to specify, that his meet with Gill and Lena was the last thing he did on his way out of the town. Gill could see it on his face.

"How long?"

"At least six months, if not longer. Unfortunately there will be no way to contact me during this time."

"Will you tell her yourself, or you want me to do it?" Gill asked after a while, as they walked side by side in silence.

"I will, there is no point to postpone the inevitable," David sighed. He looked so heartbroken and depressed that Gill's heart filled with sorrow for the man. He just wanted to spend some time with his daughter. Was it really too much to ask for?

"Don't worry, everything will be alright. I will take good care of Lena till you return, that is a promise," Gill leaned over to put a chaste kiss on his cheek, but at the same time David turned his face and she ended kissing his lips. Realising her mistake, Gill pulled away and blushed. It was an accident after all, but still she felt embarrassed for pushing herself on him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, as her cheeks coloured in red. David knew all about her engagement with Cal. What if he thought that she was making a move at him while Cal is out of town? No, that was absurd, David knew her better than that.

What she didn't know was that it was no accident at all. David had deliberately turned his face, so that her gentle brush of lips landed not on his subtle, but lips. He knew better than to openly go after her. That would never work anyway. Gillian was not that kind of woman. She would never betray the man she loved. Ever.

David respected that, but at the same time it angered and saddened him. From all the men in the world, why did she have to choose that arrogant bastard? Lightman was too selfish and self-centred to make her happy, truly happy, the way she deserved it. That son of the bitch would drag her down, taint her soul, but there was nothing David could do. Especially considering that he didn't really had anything to offer. Either way, it was not the time or place to get lost in his emotions. Not when all that was left were goodbyes.

"Don't be. It was my fault, albeit I must admit, it was nice. Reminded of old times..." David smiled.

"Let's not dwell on past," Gillian stopped him rather abruptly. It was not that she felt embarrassed or in discomfort because of their affair. It happened and it had been nice, but that was in past. Now was present and in present she was engaged with Cal. That was all there was to it. No walks down the memory lane, when there was so little time he still had to spend with his daughter.

"Let's go for a lunch, all three of us. I know a place nearby," Gill offered.

The girl was running to them with huge smile plastered on her lovely face "mommy, daddy! Look what Tom gave me!"

Gill smiled as she kneeled down and hugged enthusiastic kid who flew in her open arms almost knocking the woman off her feet. They both were happy and content, there was nothing more to ask for.

Hearing words '_mommy, daddy' _David froze; his heart did a double beat.

What if this scene was reality?

Him, Gillian, Lena – a real family!

He would wake up next to this wonderful woman every day, love and cherish her, see his child grow up.

For a moment David allowed himself to get carried away, to believe in a dream, but the thought that this wish could never come true didn't leave his sub-conscious mind.

###

"Will I see daddy again?" Lena looked at Gill in all seriousness, as the woman buckled her in the rear seat of the car.

"You will honey, he promised to come back and your daddy always keeps promises," Gill tried to convince the girl.

The farewells with David had been heartbreaking. Lena didn't understand the concept of responsibilities and promises. For her David's departure meant that she had done something wrong and he didn't want to see her again. Both adults did their best to explain everything, but the fear of being unwanted had not left the girl completely.

"You will never leave me?!" it was as much statement as it was question. The girl looked at Gill with her big dark eyes that held all the hidden fears and hopes.

"I will never leave you," Gill smiled at the girl, gently kissed her cheek making sure that she was fine and comfortable. They had to hurry; the thunder was already almost over their heads. Angry rumble of thunder could be heard in a distance.

Suddenly Lena's face turned in one of pure terror and before Gill had a chance to look over her shoulder, her forehead forcefully met the side of the car, she felt a sharp pain at the back of her head and lost her footing. The world started to spin.

Rough hands dragged her backwards, only to push into the front seat of the car. Gill tried to fight, but stopped as she felt cold barrel of the gun pressed against her temple.

"One wrong move, and you are dead meat," the voice behind her hissed "kiddo goes just after you. Now move bitch!"

Gill did as she was told, awkwardly moving over from the passenger to driver's seat. The threat in man's voice was real. The guy would keep the promise, unless she did precisely as instructed.

"Good, buckle down lady, we are going for a ride," the man followed her inside the car and shut the doors.

Gill's arms trembled, as she fought with the keys. She tried to take a glance to the rear seat, but her eyes met the same barrel of the gun that was previously shown in the back of her head and Gill looked back to the panel. Finally she managed to put the key into the right place. Together with ignition, the radio switched on.

"_Take my breath away..."_ sweet sounds from 1980's tune spread throughout the vehicle. Gill truly hoped that the passenger wouldn't decide to take the words literally.

"Please, take the car, take everything you want, but leave us alone," she tried to plea.

"Shut up bitch and drive," the voice commanded. Gill hit the gas. Looking in the rear mirror, Gill caught Lena's terrified eyes.

"Don't worry honey, everything will be just fine," she tried to encourage the kid, but her voice lacked necessary level of confidence.

"Yes, honey," abductors voice was mocking "Everything will be just fine. We shall have an adventure and if your mommy will behave and do exactly what I say, you may even live to see your next birthday."

Cold hand gripped Gill's heart at the words. Who was he? What did he want? Was it Shark's order? Maybe someone was after David and decided to use them as bait? They could be followed in the park. David. There was no way to contact him, even if her abductor requested to do that. Then what? He would just kill them and ditch somewhere in the woods?

"Careful, careful, we don't want to draw the attention of the police," the guy nudged her shoulder hurtfully. Gill's gaze was focused on the road. She didn't have a chance to see abductor's face. The man was wearing black hat that miraculously transformed into a ski mask once the engine started to run. But she would never forget his voice.

It was like tragedy was following her footsteps ready to strike every time she fell into false feel of security.

How was she supposed to get them out of this alive?


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_**Note: **__When the s*** hits the fan…_

The car was on the highway heading south. The dusty streets of the city were left behind long ago. The area became more and more remote. Storm clouds gathering in the sky promised hard rain. Atmosphere in the car was not a lot sunnier. Lena was terrified, Gill was desperate and their kidnapper irritated. He was in a clear hurry, but hadn't shared their direction or the reason behind the abduction.

On their own accord Gill's eyes kept returning to the rear mirror. Lena hadn't issued a sound since the engine was started. It alone was terrifying considering that since she overcame initial fears the girl was bubbling like a happy stream.

"Please, let us go. I will not report to the police. I promise," Gill tried to plea.

"Shut your hole, whore."

Taking another glance at the rear mirror, Gill noticed a police car in the distance. With trembling heart she carefully pushed the gas pedal slowly accelerating the speed. It was a risk and if kidnapper noticed it could end really bad, but she had to take the chance. For Lena.

"Are you dumb or simply have a death wish?" Several seconds later from the next seat came cold voice.

"What are you talking about?" Gill tried to play innocent.

The man smirked, turned his head back and addressed the child, "There is a man with a deadly firearm in hands sitting in the car, but you mom has decided to play a hero. Apparently she does not care about you at all."

Gill's heart froze and she momentarily released the pressure on the gas pedal.

"At least we can exclude dumb," the man scoffed transferring his gaze back to the woman. His voice got stony edge as he pressed the barrel of the gun to her temple, "One more stunt like that and the kid is history. Is that clear?"

Gill's shaking hands gripped the wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white as she nodded.

"I don't hear, bitch."

Without prior warning alarm sound beeped on the panel. Gill almost jumped from the fear. It took her a moment to realize that it was not a sound of gunshot and the bullet had not made a hole in her head.

"What is that?" the man lowered the arm holding the gun.

"Fuel tank is almost empty," Gill replied almost audibly. She still hadn't come out of the shock. As soon as her heartbeat calmed down a bit, she realized that it could be their chance. Only chance.

"We should stop in the next gas station," Gill said with trepidation audible in voice.

"Shut up. If you haven't realized it yet, I'm dictating the rules here and not you."

"Ok, I'm sorry, I didn't want to…"

"Shut the hell up!" he was more than simply angry. There was something off with his behaviour, but Gill's mind was caught in the loop of terror and was not able to analyze it.

Some time they drove in complete silence, broken only by periodic beeping of the fuel indicator. They had passed two gas stations on the way. Gill was starting to wonder what his plan was, when the man ordered her to take the exit. In a distance there was rather large petrol station. Only when they approached it Gill realized that it was one of those modern places where you could pay at the filling tank and didn't have to go inside the shop for payment. Apparently the man was quite familiar with the surroundings. It also meant that window of opportunity closed even before it opened. Gill's eyes filled with tears she desperately tried to hold back.

Gill parked the car and looked at the man. He had lifted his hood when they approached the parking, but his face was still largely obscured by the hood.

"Are you sure you want to have such a good look at my face?" his tone was frightening.

Gill momentarily lowered her eyes.

"I thought so. Even smallest trick from your side, and the kiddo grows up an orphan."

With that he exited, rounded the car and put in the hose.

Gill's eyes desperately darted around. There were only several cars in the parking lot, all of them in rather large distance from them. He had instructed to park at most remote tank.

Almost as answer to her prays two school busses full of children approached the parking lot near the cafeteria and restrooms. It was past nine, apparently they were returning from an excursion or sport activity. All kids had the same colourful hats making it possible to distinguish them.

Gill's gaze swept back to Lena as she hurriedly said "Honey, you will have to do precisely as I say…"

###

Gill rolled down the window "Please, my daughter has to use the bathroom."

The man looked at her, then opened rear seat doors and looked at terrified child, "Is it true? You have to go?"

Gill's heart froze, what if Lena is too scared to obey her? But the girl did everything as told and nodded her head. Gill exhaled without even realizing that she had been holding her breath.

The man looked at the kid for several more seconds and then waved, "Go, but be quick. Your mommy will stay here, to keep me a company."

Lena unbuckled her seatbelt, but before she opened the doors man's hand grabbed small shoulder, "Remember, if you misbehave I will hurt your mommy. Hurt her really bad."

Making his point he opened jacked and indicated to the gun that was tucked behind the belt.

Lena froze in place. Sensing that her plan could go to hell any second, Gill turned and gave reassuring smile "Go honey, everything will be fine. I promise. Just go."

Lena looked at her with heartbroken expression, but obeyed. The man exited the car and returned to the filling. Gill's eyes followed the girl, lips moved in silent prayer.

Both school buses closed the doors and drove away at the same time when the abductor returned to the car "What the hell takes her so long?"

"There was a queue," Gill said never lifting her eyes trying her best to hide the relief.

"If she is not back in two minutes, we will go without her," he threatened.

Gill didn't say a word. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. Lena was safe, at least safer than she had been just several minutes ago.

Her lack of emotions spoke lauder than thousand words. The man lashed out at her, hitting her right to the face "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing," Gill tried to reply pressing a palm against bleeding nose.

"Right, you are one bloody trouble maker. You do understand that you just signed your death certificate?" his voice was full of venom as he dragged resisting woman by hair, so that she ended up half way leaned over to the passenger side.

"You can't get her you creep. She is safe," fear Gill felt just seconds ago was replaced with anger. It was not enough that they had been chased by bandits, forced to hide in undisclosed location, almost lost their business and Lena had just started to heal. No! There had to be one more moron who destroyed everything she had so hard worked on. In furious rage she started to fight the man, really fight him. The problem was that besides the fact that her physical strength was no match to his, her range of motions was far more restricted as she was largely held in place by seat belt. Before Gill knew what hit her, she felt the skin on her arm pierced as he was pushing in her syringe full of something. Next moment everything went black.

Last thought she had was that it explained the erratic behavior of her 'friend'. Maybe he was clever and ruthless criminal, but the man was also a junkie. It was the first time a thought that it might have nothing to do with David, Shark or Lightman Group crossed her mind. For some reason only then she finally realized the fact that the man kept calling Lena her daughter. If he was really after them, he would know the background and the fact the she was not girl's mother.

###

When Gill opened her eyes, everything around was blurred, she could distinguish some figures standing in the range of her sight, but the picture didn't clear up.

"Lady, lady, can you hear me?" the voice was distant, as if spoken through cotton. Despite the headache and terrible pounding in the temples Gill was able to detect lack of the compassion in the voice, it was rather hostile. Nevertheless, it was not her abductor and it brought hope.

"Hey! Don't even try to pretend."

Gill's eyes finally focused enough to recognize familiar form of an officer and she sighed with relief. Initial relief was replaced with total confusion at man's next words.

"Luckily you didn't kill anyone!"

_Wait! What? _

The unkind voice continued, "Your car is total mess. It is a miracle that you came out in one piece. Do you often drive stoned?"

Accusation in the tone was unmistakable. What in the God's name was the man talking about? What happened? Slowly the memories came back. Kidnapping. Petrol station. Sending Lena away in the school bus. The man pushing something in her. Darkness.

"Where is Lena?" Gill's voice was cracked as if it hadn't been used for a while "She was on the bus…"

"So you are admitting that you kidnapped a minor, then abandoned her?"

"Where is she?"

"Don't worry, the girl is safe. She is with social services and will be back in her rightful place. You on the other hand will be lucky to get out on bail."

"We were kidnapped…"

"Ye, right. By aliens no doubts."

"The man…"

"Don't waste your breath, sweetheart. You will need it in the court. In the meanwhile my duty is to inform that you are under arrest."

Gill's mind was too fuzzy to really comprehend the seriousness of the situation. All she had understood from the short exchange was that Lena was safe. It was everything that she needed to know before her body shut itself down to get some more desperately needed rest.

###

Gill saw the pictures from the crash scene. Her car was a total wrack. It really was a miracle that she had come out of this in one piece. As it turned out, the man had dumped her full of some heavy barbiturates and when reached the destination, got rid of the evidence by putting her in the driver's seat and pushing the car down the hill. It was supposed to end up in the river, but instead ended up in a rather broad tree. Gill had no idea why the abductor hadn't killed her. Either he didn't have time to go down and make sure she really was dead or simply didn't care as the chance of her recognizing him was slim. Besides, no one believed her anyway. According to the official version she had got high and in the state of intoxication drove off the road. No one, not even judge listened to her explanations about kidnapper and real obstacles of the case. After she got better, Gill was put into a cell. Only from there she was able to finally contact the attorney and soon after was released under bail.

Next couple of days went into complete haze. Gill was functioning more on an autopilot than actual feelings. Whatever she did, somehow only worsened the situation. She tried to talk with people from the social services, but was brutally thrown out of the building, she tried to visit Lena in the orphanage, but it ended up with restriction order from the court, she even called Adams, but he refused to tell where David was or get involved with her issues in any way. With the help of a lawyer Gill tried to appeal restriction order, tried to get at least temporary custody over Lena, but it all was in vain.

The director of the orphanage was washing hands in innocence and accused Gillian of kidnapping the girl. Teachers from the school bus confirmed that the girl was abandoned. Lena was not speaking at all.

No one believed Gill's story. In one moment her immaculate biography had gone to hell. Gill was facing charges of kidnapping, ill-treatment and endangerment of the life of a minor, driving a vehicle in a state of drug intoxication and causing an accident without damage to third party's property.

Completely unexpectedly the situation went from bad to worse when they dug into her past. Gill thought that there was nothing incriminating as she had never received even a parking ticket. Boy, was she wrong!

Never in million years Gill would have guessed that Alec will be her downfall one day. It was the truth. Their relationship didn't finish on best terms, but still they loved each other once, didn't they? Now Gill could not believe that she had been married to the jerk for bigger part of her adult life. The son of the bitch, albeit unintentionally, destroyed any chance she got. It turned out that when he had drug problems and enrolled in the rehabilitation programme, at the work he told that his leave was due to his wives health issues, more precisely - addiction. He had made himself a noble martyr who singlehandedly pulled the lost sheep his wife was from the path of destruction and returned her to the right path. Recently Alec was promoted to the position of a partner, the same one he had been working for so hard. It was the peak of his carrier. Confession of drug abuse would be a huge scandal, it could even result in a request to resign. Therefore Alec stuck to the old lies with iron grip.

Out of desperation Gill went to his house. She pleaded, even begged on her knees asking to come out with the truth, but Alec didn't bulge. For him it was more than simple fear to lose everything. It was cultivated anger he carried in his heart. Alec could not forgive Gill's decision to divorce him. The fact that she had chosen bloody Lightman over him was a major blow to his ego.

The truth was that Gill didn't divorce Alec because of Cal, but because of their alienation. Their relationship was dull; it didn't have any fire or passion. Alec was more interested in business lunches and soirees than in her. Besides, he was constantly attacking her as he felt threatened by Cal. Despite the fact that Gill's relationship with her partner only recently had turned into romantic one, in Alec's eyes she had been unfaithful to him even before their divorce. Gill left his house even more desperate than before. The medical information from the rehabilitation centre was classified – according the lawyer she was not be able to get it without a court order. Unfortunately, court considered such request unnecessary. They had no doubts about her quilt.

Gill's hands were getting more and more tied. Too many evidences were speaking against her and little if anything for. It was really stupid set of circumstances that almost bordered to insanity, but the facts were there. As it turned out officially Gill had no rights to have Lena. She had abandoned the girl and was found stoned in a crashed car. Because of Alec she was an addict with a history. The script was worth a movie.

What hurt most was that she Cal was not there by her side. They might fight, might have their differences, but he had always been her support, her strong shoulder and rock even without realizing it. Even before her divorce. Now she needed him more than ever, but he was away, unreachable, strangled on the other side of the globe. Cal was not there, David was not there – there was no one besides her who knew the true circumstances. She was in this alone, all by herself. Atop of it all losing Lena was reliving Sophie all over again.

In a couple of days Gill's whole world had fallen apart. Losing Sophie had left the woman deeply wounded, her heart ripped out and shattered in tiny pieces. She believed that it had been the darkest and most painful time of her life, but now she knew how wrong she had been. Losing Lena not only opened old wounds that had never really healed. It completely destroyed usually resourceful and strong woman.

The life had pushed her down to the knees and Gill was not sure she had the inner strength to stand up again. Worst of all, she didn't have the will. More she fought, worse the situation got. The thought to really do what they accused her of and kidnap Lena crossed her mind, but in her heart Gill knew that it was not a solution. Despite the allegations, she was no criminal and Lena deserved a normal life.

The accusations were serious. There was a real possibility to get a prison sentence, but Gill's only concern was the effect of the situation on Lena's emotional state.

It was not fair!

The whole damned mess was not fair!


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

_**Note:**_ _Everyone breaks if pushed too far... we are just humans after all..._

_**Warnings:**__ Sexual content i.e. M / NC 17. Dense angst with a hint of steely edge. _

…_Don't say I didn't warn._

* * *

Last two weeks had changed him more than he thought was humanly possible. Things he had witnessed, had done in the name of justice were beyond horrid. He had stayed in the darkness for too long, way too long and it had begun to pull him, lull him in the murky depths of its abyss.

He couldn't remember the exact moment when everything mixed up in his head, when black and white became mass of undistinguishable grey, the cause he was fighting for so blurred that even the outlines were obscurely detectable. Either way _'when'_ didn't matter. What mattered was his primal need for something genuine and good, something that would suffocate guilt, sadness and despair reigning his soul. Suppress the evil arisen within. The hit of adrenaline he was starting to get from violence scared the living hell out of the man.

Four agents were dead. Maybe he didn't pull the trigger, but it didn't make it any less his fault. To stay in the game, to get to the heart of the dragon, David was forced to participate in execution of his colleagues, other undercover agents who had infiltrated the same syndicate. Two of the men had wives and kids.

Sitting in the car David looked at the dark windows of Gillian's house. She was his lifeline, the only good thing left. She and Lena were the sole reason why David hadn't given up, why he still fought the demons. Although tonight they were as close to winning the battle as never before. He simply had no energy left. To give in and let his darker side rule was so tempting. Side that held no regrets, shame or guilt.

He shouldn't be here, especially in this state of mind, but David couldn't bring himself to drive away. He desperately wanted, no, not wanted - needed to see her, them.

Gill's beautiful face, kind smile, warm eyes and that genuine worry she always reserved for him played vividly in front of the eyes. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to hug her, pull her close and never let go.

Without even realizing it, David stepped out of the car and in complete autopilot headed to the house. Gill's car was in the driveway. It meant that the likelihood of her being home was really high.

The man stepped up the front porch and rang the bell.

Silence.

He again pressed the button and waited.

Still nothing.

David was about to turn around and head back, when his hand accidentally grazed the handle. To his big surprise the doors gave away easily. Knowing Gillian it was strange. After past events it was her thing to double if not even triple check the security of the bolts. Signals of alarm went down David's spine as he pushed the doors further and stepped inside the semi dark room.

It was empty.

All the things were in their rightful places, no indications of robbery or violence. Still, uneasy feeling of dread didn't left the man as he moved to the stairs. In motion born of familiarity right arm reached behind the back and retrieved the gun.

The house seemed empty. Gillian would never carelessly leave the doors unlocked. Something definitely was wrong.

Reaching the upper floor David looked into Gill's bedroom, but found it empty. On the opposite side of the hallway there was a cabinet that also proved to be unoccupied. Last doors at the end of the small hall led to Lena's room. David knew it, as he had visited the premises on more than one occasion over last months. Despite his and Cal's tensed relationship, David always was welcomed guest in Gill's home.

Heartbeat accelerated as he stepped closer and put a hand on slightly ajar doors, pushing them further open. The sight in front of his eyes shocked the man into complete stupor.

On the floor with knees drawn to the chest and back pressed against the wall sat Gillian. Empty bottle of scotch lay near her feet. Gill's fingers were wrapped around other one that was still half full. She didn't had a strong hold on the smooth glass, but made no effort to pull the hand away either.

Ugly half healed bruise decorated her forehead. Traces of dried tears were visible on her ghostly pale face, eyes underlined with dark circles. It looked like she had not slept for days. The woman was not crying, but it was only because there were no more tears left.

Most disturbing was the mask of utter despair frozen on her face. Her eyes were like huge empty windows, the light was on, but no one was home. Even in the dim light they shone with all the pain of the world.

It was so unlike usually positive and levelheaded woman that for a split second David forgot all about his own problems. Whatever happened, had destroyed her, shattered her spirit and left behind only broken shell of the person she normally was.

"Gill, darling," David tried to get her attention as he dropped down on his knees and gently traced the outlines of her face, "What happened?"

Leaning closer David saw small lacerations and welts covering her arms, knees and calves. It looked like pieces of broken glass had rained upon her.

With unseeing eyes Gill kept staring into nothingness. She had absolutely no reaction to man's presence whatsoever.

"Where is Lena?" David asked in a worry laced voice.

Gill's gaze shifted a bit, but she didn't reply. David put arms around her shoulders and shook her gently. No reaction. He tried to reach her with words and caresses, but with no results. Only when he shook her hard, Gill finally snapped out of the catatonic like state and looked at the man with bewildered eyes that shone with fresh set of tears. Her usually clear gaze was unfocused, whites of the eyes bloodshot. Glassy look was clear indication of alcohol intoxication. The woman was in barely coherent state.

"Dave?" she looked at him with equal share of surprise and heart wrenching guilt.

"Tell me, what happened," the man insisted, unconsciously tightening grip on the fragile shoulders, if the mere act alone would pull her out of whatever abyss she had fallen into.

"They took Sophie..." Gill's voice was empty and hallow; the hope had left Pandora's box giving its way to the demons "...took Lena."

"Wait, what? Who is Sophie? Where is Lena?" David looked at the woman worriedly. He had no clue who was Sophie and little if any understanding who was 'they'.

"I couldn't stop them..." Gill tried to explain, her speech slurred, look in her eyes ridden with gut wrenching sorrow and guilt "I couldn't..."

David wasn't able to get anything more out of her. What she said didn't make any sense. Even if the police found out about the bribe David paid to the director of the orphanage, why would they go to such drastic measures? Something was off. Unfortunately Gill wasn't in any condition to give clarifications.

Strong hint of scotch hit his nostrils. The woman was not even close to the phase of hangover yet.

Worriedly eying the hidebound form the man stood and left the room.

Gill was so out of it that didn't even notice his departure.

Finding her purse David took Gill's mobile that flashed at least twenty missed calls and dialed familiar number. Only person could have at least some clue on what was going on. Adams.

To say that the man was fairly informed was understatement of the year. Despite his refusal to intervene and highlight the DEA, Adams knew everything that happened during last weeks. He knew all the details of Lena being taken away and charges brought against Gillian. Each new revelation fuelled David's anger to a point when he saw in red. David was ready to strangle the son of the bitch with bare hands. Like always Adams had decided to play God. Not only he hadn't intervened, but decided to keep so vital information from David. Unfortunately damage was already done and anger, albeit righteous, didn't solve anything.

As he disconnected the call, David fell down to his knees and desperate wail erupt his lips. Razor of blade punched his heart painfully. Realization of his own helplessness pushed him only closer to the brink he had been trying to avoid with all might. He couldn't step forward and claim his rights for the girl, because that would put her life in a mortal danger. He couldn't influence Adams, because only leverage he had against the man was already used.

When David asked for Gill's help all those months ago, never he would have guessed that it could end like this, destroy Gill's reputation and what was even worse - her heart.

There was nothing left to fight for. Gill was broken, Lena was gone and he was powerless. It would take at least several months before it would be safe to show his face on streets after last night's bust. According to the sources there already was rather huge reward for his head. If he wanted to survive, he had to go underground. His decision to visit Gill and Lena was a bad idea, but some unknown power pulled him to the house. Now he knew that it was premonition or intuition.

What could he do? To start a fight with state institutions where information leakage was almost as natural occurrence as floats in spring was bad idea. His interference would only draw unnecessary attention and put everybody's life in peril.

David admired the way Gill had fought for his girl, but at the same time understood that with her truthfulness she had dug the hole deeper. In this case the truth left too many gaps that could not be filled. Largely it was his own fault, as it was his decision to remove Gill's and Lena's names from all case documentation thus shattering any official link Gill could have had with the girl.

Off course all the allegations were fucking lies, but in the eyes of law she was guilty as charged. It would be a miracle if they would let her off the crook easily. The whole situation was cruelly twisted and unfair set of almost unbelievable circumstances.

The darkness inside him rose with renewed force and together with it surfaced blood thirsty hatred. He wanted them dead, all of them. The damned kidnapper, lazy and apathetic police officers who didn't even try to learn the truth, Adams who stood on the side trenches looking at the scene as if it was some sort of spectacle staged solely for his amusement, Gill's ex-husband and even the judge who had signed the restriction order.

What angered most was the knowledge that Adams could have helped, if only wanted to. Even if the truth didn't correspond with the official documentation, the man had enough power to make a statement. But he had decided not to intervene and left Gillian to fight the battle alone. Despite the official line that the confidentiality and interests of state were more important than those of individual, David guessed the real reasons behind Adams idleness. Revenge. David and his G.I. Joe stunts cost Adams the promotion he so desperately wanted and this was his way of payback.

Gathering all his resolve David stood from the floor and headed back to Lena's room. For the first time in life he felt completely lost and had absolutely no idea what to do next or how to console the woman. The demons were attacking his soul with renewed force. With ungodly speed he was approaching the edge of the reason. Was there enough time left to hit the brakes before he was pushed over the edge? Despair mingled with anger and self-loathing.

The man re-entered the room and for a moment simply stood there. It felt like someone had pushed the stop button in his brains. Completely on its own accord his body slid down the wall and he ended on the floor right beside Gill. She had not moved an inch since he left.

David took the bottle from her hand and took a large swig. The alcohol burned the insides and warm feeling ran through his body. It was not a solution, but it was better than the ache in his soul. Apparently Gill had come to the same conclusion some time ago. He took large gulps until the numbness he felt dissolved into something warm and burning.

David put a hand around delicate shoulders and pulled the woman into an embrace. Her skin was unbelievably cold. Without realizing it, David gently rubbed her shoulders trying to revive the blood flow. Even if the woman noticed his manipulations, she didn't show it.

For Gillian the world ceased to exist two days ago. The restriction order was the final straw that pushed her over the edge. She had cried, cried like never before, cried till she ran out of tears and then some more. For the first time in life she truly understood meaning of the word 'heartbroken'. It all was too much - kidnapping, near death experience, accusations, desolation in Lena's eyes that brief moment when she caught the glimpse of the girl.

When the pain became unbearable, Gill did something she had never done before. She reached for the bottle. Even before the first glass the woman knew it was absolutely wrong thing to do, but desperation won the reason. It was the only hope left to find at least temporary solace. Unfortunately the booze only clouded her mind, but didn't take the pain away. Whoever said that you can drink your problems away was moron. Experience of losing Sophie mingled with recent events. Gill was too tired to fall asleep, too exhausted to stay awake, too broken too function, too drunk to think clearly and too hurt to care. She had absolutely no idea that her catatonic like state had lasted for two full days or that her behavior bore classical signs of depressive disorder. All she knew was that in this room she felt closer to the girl.

Gill's eyes watered, as for thousandth time she remembered the despair on Lena's face when the girl was dragged away. Suddenly she felt warm palm caressing her cheek. David lifted skinny face and caught unfocused stormy grey eyes.

"Shhhh... Please don't cry. It will be alright, everything will be alright..." David whispered, but it only worsened the situation. Even in her intoxicated state Gill could detect doubts and uncertainty behind the words.

David got lost in those grey orbs. Something snapped within him. It felt like a trigger of sanity was switched off and for the first time in life he lost all the control whatsoever. Acting on instinct rather than reason he leaned forward and kissed her lips. Maybe it was alcohol, maybe the demons finally won the battle, but despite the lousy timing, it felt so right.

Gill felt all his despair and anguish before she tried to pull away, "No, David. Please, stop..."

Despite her pleas David didn't stop. He kissed her with such a passion that all the protests died on her lips. It had been long since he had let his emotions, true emotions and not some calculated responses, out of the closet. Their intensity was scary.

"I can't..." between hot kisses came a desperate plea, but despite the protests she did. The pain in her heart was too severe. Gill could not take it any longer. Any emotion, any at all was better than the overwhelming numbness and void. Maybe she was out of her mind, but in some strange way 'this' helped. When David's lips resumed their assault on her flesh, Gill returned the kisses; the desperation in her movements was matching his.

_It is insane! You are engaged! This is adultery!_ muffled cries broke through her clouded mind as she lost herself in David's passion.

Strong masculine arms lifted her body and carried it to the bedroom. She felt herself being gently put down on the bed and freed from all the layers of clothes. Only when David spread her legs and his mouth moved south kissing her tights gift of speech returned to the woman.

"We can't…"

"Don't fight," David whispered against her flesh as Gill tried to close her legs and push him away, "You know that you need this as much as I do!"

Sitting up she pulled a bed sheet in front of her bare chest trying to shield herself from the man, "Dave, please..."

"I need you," David's dark stare was so intense that Gill involuntarily shuddered. His words literally paralyzed her. There was dangerous fire playing in the depth of his gaze, like he was walking a thin line between despair and insanity. Completely lost under his almost hypnotic power Gill didn't realize that David had pushed her flat on the back. His hand kept her in place as he resumed assault on her flesh. Still in haze Gill pulled both arms over her face and cried out in agony mixed with arousal as David's tongue licked her clitoris. Fingers replaced his mouth as David moved up her body. His lips caught erect nipple and nibbled it hard. Gill yelped in surprise and writhed in his grasp. Her body was betraying her as fresh set of juices landed on David's fingers buried deep in her folds.

Suddenly through all the booze induced haze and despair realization hit the woman. It was the same bed she shared with Cal, the man she loved, the man she was marrying. Even in her barely coherent state she could not go through with this! It was wrong on so many levels!

With a renewed determination she pushed against David's chest "No!"

David lifted his face from her body, but his hands never left her flesh.

"Tell me you don't want this, and I'll stop," David's voice held dangerous edge. He had yielded to the darkness, stepped over the edge and with unstoppable speed was falling into abyss. It truly was a moment of insanity.

Gill saw raw emotions playing on his face. The compassion she usually felt was replaced with anger. The fact that Lena was gone was as much his fault as hers, but instead of doing something about it, he was trying to get into her panties. She wanted to hurt the man, make him feel as dirty as she felt when they dragged her through the filth, buried under pile of false accusations. Before Gill realized what she was doing, she slapped the man across the face. Hard.

It felt good. She lifted her arm to repeat the action, but David was quicker. He grabbed her wrist in the mid air and pinned both arms above her head.

"Never do that again," he breathed against her ear.

Instead of going limp in his arms, almost hysterically Gill fought the man.

"You bastard! Where were you when they took her away? You didn't stop them!" The words were barely understandable as her speech was slurred.

Whatever was going in that head of his before, her last actions shattered the balance. Gill could see dark desire overwhelm the man as he held her captured in place. The insanity and despair that shone in his eyes matched her own and for some strange reason instead of sobering her up, made her mind hazier and body almost desperate with need. It was crazy, it was insane, it was real.

"Is that the way you want it?" David asked, his voice low and rough, "You want me to hurt you?"

Gill shook her head in denial and stilled. Something in his stare froze her in place. It was not actual fear that he would hurt her, rather pretence that he was doing something she was not consenting to. Pretence was the best way to shut up ever present conscience that twined its way through intoxicated brain.

David's hand restlessly worked between their bodies as it loosened the belt on his trousers, lowered the zipper and carelessly kicked the piece of clothing down on the floor. Releasing her arms he commanded, "Embrace me."

That little piece of sanity Gill still clung to wanted to disobey, but her limbs followed the order on their own accord.

"Kiss me," came a hoarse demand and closing her eyes she complied. Gill felt his fingers entering her again, pushing deeper than before. She felt herself open up for him. Moan almost escaped her lips when he pressed a sensitive spot.

Gill was desperate to feel something, anything other than despair and numbness of last days. Even if it was wrong, even if it was only a short relief, it still was better. She was weak, exhausted and simply wanted to be comforted, in any way. The insanity of the moment was engulfing with its intensity, consuming with its power.

David's fingers brought her to the edge and left shuddering as he shuffled between her legs and positioned himself at her entrance. Gill cried out right into his lips as he entered her.

"I can't…" she still tried to fight him, fight herself.

"You already have!" David's hot breath caressed her ear as he started to move inside her with agonizing slowness.

Further protests were rather indistinct sounds caught somewhere in her throat as David captured her lips. He built up their pace, his weight was pushing her further in the mattress. The headboard of the bed made knocking sound as it slammed into the wall. Hard and fast. Exactly the way they both needed it.

Gill didn't want any of his gentleness or care. She needed something she could deal with, something she could fight.

David slipped a finger between them and teased her clitoris so brilliantly that soon Gill was on the edge again. The passion overtook despair, need pushed away the pain as two bodies moved in frenzy.

David groaned shuddering his release inside her. His orgasm triggered hers as well. Gill came realizing only later calling Cal's name. David didn't say anything as he gently pulled out and pushed himself off her. For several minutes Gill lay there gasping for breath; not even bothering to cover her nakedness.

Suddenly more clear headed and a bit sobered she felt immeasurably ashamed of herself. Next moment her body trembled as violent sobs shook her body.

"Love, please no," David apologetically murmured "Not like this. Shhhhh…. It is over. We lost it for a moment, but it is over."

His words only made her cry harder. David tried to comfort her, but Gill fought his hands of her body. It was not the intercourse itself that got her so rattled up, but the guilt she felt for betraying Cal's trust and shame for shagging around while Lena was somewhere in the world scared and alone. David understood it. With the same clarity he also realized that no matter what he did right now, it would only worsen the situation. Nevertheless, he couldn't bring himself to get up and leave. He couldn't walk away while she was in such a state. A state which in large scale was his fault.

Gill pulled away even further, rolled away wrapping arms around her naked body and pushing her knees against her chin in a fatal position.

David leaned over to cover her trembling form with a wrap when her large shining with tears eyes locked on his and she whispered "Please, leave…"

"Gillian, I…"

"No. You got what you wanted. Please, leave," although shaky, her voice held stone cold edge.

David's head fell down in regret. For so long he had believed that Cal would be the one who would break her, but at the end of the day it was him. In a moment of madness he had allowed his darker side to rule and destroyed only good thing left – Gill's trust. All because of the despair and insanity brought on by injustice of life.

No, it was not an excuse. There were no excuses, none whatsoever. He had used her vulnerability, taken her almost against her will, her consent was questionable at best. Not without a reason David felt like one of those villains he had been fighting. Instead of after sex bliss, self-loathing was overwhelming the man. He felt discussed with himself, with the situation.

David lifted the clothes from the floor and dressed. For a moment he froze, trying to think of something to say, anything that could break the wall of ice that so cruelly stood between them, but nothing came into his mind. When he stopped in front of her, small hope at the back of his mind prayed that Gill would at least look at him. Unfortunately it was not going to happen, at least not tonight. She needed time and space to come to terms with what they had done.

With one last full of sadness look at the trembling form the man dejectedly left the room. Guilt was visible even in his walk.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**Note: **_Aftermath.._. _Sorry for such a long gap, but I have a solid excuse. Not only did I change my job, but also country of residence. Nevertheless, I hope you will still be interested to read the story... _

Loud bang woke David from restless slumber he had finally succumbed to. Opening the eyes with a start the man grimaced. It was a false alarm. A boy of six or seven years was looking at him with bewildered expression through the car window holding a football ball that so cruelly interrupted David's sleep. Dryness in the throat was unfortunate reminder of the scotch overdose last night. The head hurt terribly. Hangover sucked. No wonder he used it only as a last resort.

David rested his head on the arms that embraced the steering wheel and with a force squeezed eyes trying to block out the brightness of the day. Despite the storm clouds that covered the skies like dark velvet, the light was too much for sore eyes. Small droplets of rain broke against the windshield making soft noise, but for David it sounded like African drums. When the man opened eyes again, the boy was gone.

The dark thoughts that roamed through David's head corresponded to the murky weather. Lena, Gillian, dead agents, events of the last night. Everything was so screwed up. When he just arrived Gill was a total wreck. He had managed only to worsen the situation. Rising guilt ridden eyes he looked at the house. The truth was he had never mustered the courage to drive away and it was not because drink and drive was a bad choice. He couldn't leave her like this. She had been down and he so inconsiderately had put the last nail in the coffin. How could he do it? How could he act as such a jerk?

Guilt and shame didn't begin to describe the emotional turmoil David felt. Nevertheless, despite everything, regret was never part of the equation. He loved her, had longed for her for so long. Even under the circumstances there was no way the man could bring himself to admit that their intimacy was a mistake.

Looking closer David noticed that the curtains had been removed from the windows of the living room. He was more than sure that last night they were closed. Necessity to notice surroundings, pay attention to even smallest details was part of the training that had become as inseparable part of him as need to breath.

What she up? Was she ok? Swiping palm over tired face David reached for the door knob. Muscles screamed in the protest of stretching after spending the night or what was left of it in totally uncomfortable position. Exiting the car David looked around and headed to the house.

Opening the front door David carefully stepped inside. Although the place was still as immaculate as the day before, professional in him noticed all small changes in the layout. Reaching the kitchen David froze in utter surprise.

Gillian was sitting by the kitchen table nursing a cup of steaming liquid that smelled like herbal tea. Droplets from her hair were leaving wet trails on the oversized t-shirt. Entire attire, the white t-shirt with the label _"That's what she said!"_ and sport trousers looked completely un-Gill like. Then it hit him. It was not her wardrobe, but Cal's. Considering everything the choice of wardrobe most probably was not a couscous decision, but the fact still stung more that it probably should have.

Even without any makeup, dripping hair gathered up in a messy pony tail and oversized clothing that unceremoniously hid feminine body she still looked amazing. Hot shivers ran down David's spine as images of last night played vividly in front of his mind eye. Cursing under breath David tried to block the tempting and completely inappropriate pictures overflowing his senses.

"I was wondering when you would finally appear," Gill spoke never raising gaze from the steaming cup. Her voice barely above the whisper sounded hoarse. Delicate fingers were shaking as she absentmindedly traced the outlines of the porcelain.

"How did you..."

"I saw your car parked down the street," Gill said still not raising her gaze.

Off course she saw the car. What a stupid question. Suddenly David felt like an intruder, some dark and murky villain who had absolutely no right to be here. One didn't need to be expert on facial expressions or body language to sense the ten feet wide and two meters high wall of ice the woman had around her.

"Gill... I... I..." David stammered before he fell silent. Head hurt like hell, dryness in the throat was unbearable. What was he going to say anyway? I'm sorry wasn't enough even for the starters. What excuse did he have? _Sorry, darling, I finally lost it_ hardly was an icebreaker either.

The room fell into dead silence.

Finally Gillian raised her head. The eyes were red from hangover and all the crying, but unlike last night the gaze was focused and sharp. Whatever she had done, it had significantly helped to sober up.

"You look awful," she stated in completely unreadable tone. Gill's gaze quickly slid over the man and returned back to the steaming cup. It was clear that she felt as awkward as he.

David uncomfortably shifted from one foot to another. He was really afraid to say something that would shatter the fragile balance. Luckily Gill spoke up taking him out of the misery.

"Sit down! We need to talk," Gill spoke in same flat and unreadable tone. Although it was disturbing, at least it didn't held the edge of despair that was present last night.

David stepped inside and put his large frame on one of the tables neatly placed around the kitchen table.

Still not looking at him Gill asked "Would you like a tea?"

"I guess..." David stuttered. He had come in ready to face anger, accusations or to fight with her, fight for her, drag her out of the abyss she was in, but this... She was still not very stable on her feet as she stood up to turn on the water heater, but it was unbelievable progress compared to last night. Gillian never ceased to amaze him.

It took some time after David left, till Gill managed to gather herself together. She willed her screaming body in a freezing shower and stayed there for at least an hour with only one goal in mind - get back to a functioning level even at risk of catching cold. Gill's determination was so strong that even violent shivers and shuddering chattering of the teeth didn't stop her. When, sneezing and coughing, she finally exited the merciless punishment, her skin had turned blue, but at least the brain was more or less back on the track.

Trying to block heated, but completely unwanted images from the mind, Gill wrapped petite body into a rather oversized bath towel and absentmindedly looked for something to wear. With hair still dripping, she moved around in semi dark house. Small chores helped not to think, to keep it all together, but there was only so much to do in the house. Finally she stopped in the kitchen. While she waited for the kettle to boil, Gill looked outside the window and saw David's car parked just across the street. She knew the man well enough not to be surprised. He had given her largest space he was able to and in all truthfulness she was thankful for that. Gill was not ready to face him, not yet.

Once she sat down, realisation of what she had done hit in full force. Once again violent sobs rocked trembling body. It was not the sex or David that caused the outburst. It was realisation that in last days she had hit the rock bottom. She had given up. As terrible as it sounded, events of the night proved to be an ultimate catalyst. The desire she hazily remembered was a chemical reaction to certain set of circumstances. She had used David as much as he had used her. It was stupid mistake with high price. She would never be able to lie to Cal and he would never be able to forgive. But that was something she would have to face.

Everyone knows that when you have hit the rock bottom there is no other way out than up. She had to find this way. Gillian Foster was stronger than that. Had to be. Lena and her own happiness depended on it. The emotionless zombie she had allowed herself to become while sinking in guilt and despair was not the person she wanted to be.

Gill put steaming cup of tea in front of David. Her hands still shook noticeably, but the woman herself didn't know whether it was because of the hangover, freezing shower, emotional turmoil or unlucky combination of all of the above. She sat back in the previous spot and mustering all the courage and determination looked at David. What she saw cut back all the accusations. He was in the same abyss she had been in. Pain shining on handsome face spoke lauder than words.

"I'm so sorry; I would never use you..." David started, but was cut short.

"You didn't use or force me. I was willing participant in whatever happened last night, but..." Gill's voice trembled slightly as she spoke "it shouldn't have happened."

"You tried to stop me..."

"And I would have stopped you, if I tried hard enough. It is as much your fault as it is mine. Nevertheless, it was mistake and we should forget it ever happened."

Hot fire shone in David's eyes with her last words and the man passionately leaned closer, catching small palms with his paws, "For what it's worth, I regret the timing and circumstances, but it would be a complete lie if I said that I regret making love to you. The ultimate truth is that I love you, Gillian..."

"Stop it, David..." Gill's voice had a steely edge as she franticly freed her fingers "You and I, it is never going to happen. I love Cal, love him more than I love life itself. If you don't want to lose my friendship, you will never speak if it again. Is it clear?"

"Gill..."

"Is it clear?"

"Yes," David's voice was barely above the whisper.

Gill could see that she had hurt the man deeply, but it was something they both had to deal with. There shouldn't be any unspoken issues left, any false expectations or half-truths. They had to be strong front to fight the battle. Lies and half-truths had started this mess, only truth could settle it. You can't demand other to be sincere, if you are lying yourself. At least that had been Gill's reasoning to start the confrontation with David.

"Good. Now about the most important. Lena. First of all, you are going to the orphanage and make sure she is fine. Then you will go to Adams. I don't care if you have to beg standing on your knees, but you will convince him to use his connections and help us get my little girl back."

"Adams will never..." As soon as the words left his mouth, David knew it was absolutely wrong thing to say.

Gill's eyes shone in anger, "For God's sake, we are speaking about your daughter!"

"I know... I know..." David replied putting reassuring palm on her fingers, but Gill pulled away as if burned. David sighed. It would take time to regain her trust, but he was in for long. He would do everything for her, even fall on his knees before Adams, despite the complete hopelessness of the act. Although before using this last resort, David wanted to try some ideas leads.

Understanding perfectly well that the conversation was over, the man stood and dejectedly headed to the exit. As he opened the front doors, he heard a noise behind and with renewed hope turned around. Gill had caught up with him clenching worn teddy bear in her shaking arms.

"Tell her that I love her very much..." Gill's voice cracked as she handed over the toy. David raised his arm in a reassuring gesture, but remembered how she cringed under his touch previously and his arm froze in the middle air. His eyes filled with unshed tears.

"I know it might not seem much to you right now, but I will be here by your side every step of the way. We will get her back, that is a promise!" he wowed before turning around and exiting.

As soon as the front doors closed Gill's mask fell and the woman fell to her knees sobbing uncomfortably. It all was just too much.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

_**Note:**__ Holding a grudge is like drinking a poison… More you take, more you get consumed…_

Adams put the receiver down. Satisfied smirk passed across his face. David had finally shown up. Instead of warm welcome he was greeted with handcuffs and interrogations, part of the launched disciplinary investigation. David's credentials and the gun were taken away. To Adams great dismay, the man was not detained, but released on his own recognizance with specific request not to leave the state. Nevertheless, the slow wheel of justice was on the move. Sooner or later he would fall. Adams would see to it personally.

Opposite to popular belief, it was not Shark or someone else from the criminal world who had scores to settle with David. It was someone from inside the house, someone whom they all trusted.

Adams.

That was the whole brilliance of the plan. No one would ever suspect that he was the mastermind behind the fall of almighty Captain America. It was a payback time.

For the man it was more than just a vendetta. He wanted David to feel the same powerless rage as he did when he was told that Jack was dead.

Jack was Adams nephew, promising youngster who was killed during the operation David was heading while bringing down Shark. The death of his nephew and following split in his family in Adams mind was solely David's fault. His alone. If the man hadn't hidden two main witnesses, namely Gillian and Lena, they wouldn't have to go to such lengths and risky actions to bring down the notorious mob. Jack would be alive and everything would be fine.

The plan was simple. Adams wanted to shatter the lives of two most important persons in David's life before he brought down the man himself. The knowledge of his own powerlessness was supposed to haunt David during the day and night while he would rot in the prison for state treason.

It had been so simple to organize the kidnapping, but the annoying woman had messed it all up by sending the kid away. They both were supposed to die in a car accident. Nevertheless, at the end of the day it all turned out just fine. Gillian's former husband was such an easy target, especially once threatened with disclosure of his drug addiction. The spineless leach was ready to do whatever it took to keep his reputation intact, even destroy his ex-wife's life with shameless lies.

Then there was the leak of information and setup of David's last operation. Adams was sorry for the man who lost lives during the action, but sometimes to achieve the ultimate goal, collateral damage was unavoidable.

Gillian's name already was masterfully discriminated. Now it was David's turn.

Best part of it all was that David still trusted him. It was going to be so much fun to see the proud man crumble on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

###

It was late afternoon. Rays of the evening sun gently filled the kitchen making it look warm and cozy. Still the atmosphere in the air was far from it.

Gill was sitting at the huge table like a frozen statue. The cup of tea in her hand had gone cold long time ago, but the woman hadn't even moved a muscle. Unseeing eyes were focused into nothingness.

David's call had shattered little resolve Gill had managed to muster. Not the news of David's trouble at work had broken Gill's spirits. It was Lena. The girl was heavily sedated and didn't even recognize the man when he finally managed to get two minutes with his own daughter. Everything they had worked so hard over last months was shattered to pieces. Child's psyche was severely damaged.

The woman was so lost in the thoughts that she didn't hear the silent crack and the opening of the front doors. She also didn't sense a masculine figure entering the house. The man deliberately moved silently. He had every intention to have the surprise factor on his side.

Entering the kitchen the man stood behind the woman who still hadn't sensed another person's presence in the room. The man gently put hot palms on the bare shoulders, making Gill jump and turn around with a start. The scream died on her lips as Gill saw familiar face of the man she loved. As unreal as it sounded it really was Cal, her Cal.

For the first time over last week Gill's eyes shone with true happiness and relief. Cal was here, with her. It meant the world.

Without even realizing it, she had broken down in tears as she hugged the man in tight embrace. The emotional outburst was so unexpected that it left Cal completely perplexed. He knew she would be happy to see him, but never would have guessed extend of it.

"How?… You were supposed… I mean…" Gill was barely coherent as she held the man in her arms and kissed him with almost desperate need.

"I missed my girls…" was all he managed to say between hot kisses. The true reason behind his sudden decision to return to the USA was more than simple longing. There was this unexplainable feeling of forbidding that didn't leave the man for several weeks. It felt like a dark cloud had gathered upon their heads. The fear that something bad had happened or was going to happen didn't leave him all the way back to the States. Seeing that Gill was safe and sound helped to ease the tension. Only when he pulled a bit away to have a better look at the woman, his heart skipped a beat. She was as thin as Lena! Was she sick?

Seeing the change on Cal's face, Gillian released herself from his grip and stepped away.

Hesitation. Uncertainty. Fear. Guilt. Shame. Regret. Myriad of emotions ran across her beautiful face as Gill took one more uncertain step away, the emotional turmoil made already pale skin almost ghostly. It seemed like all it took was simple blow of wind and she would shatter like a house of cards, vaporize into thin air.

Cal wanted to reach her, but somehow closer he stepped, further away she drifted. The man froze in place afraid to move. Although physically Gill hadn't moved an inch, emotionally she was fading away like a mirage in the desert.

"I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…" her lips chanted silent pray like a mantra.

Before Cal had a chance to figure out what the hell had happened and how to reach distressed woman without further alienating her, noise from the opened doors caught his attention. David's large frame, uninvited and groom stood in the doorway. From the facial expression it was clear that he was as "thrilled" to see Cal as Cal was to see him.

Although no words were exchanged, the tension in the air was almost palpable. One didn't need to be an expert on facial expressions to recognize a standstill before the storm. The room had fallen into deafening silence. Cal's gaze like a beaming laser shifted from Gill to David forth and back.

The story became clearer and clearer with each unspoken word.

Like un-erupted volcano disappointment and anger bubbled to the surface. He trusted her! He trusted her with his life, his heart! How could she do this to him?

The doors closed behind with a loud bang, as Cal in full blown righteous rage stormed out. Red steam clouded his mind. He didn't hear David's worried scream "Gill!" and loud bang that followed. Didn't see as unconscious body hit the side of the table before hitting the floor, didn't see the blood covering the white titles of the kitchen.

With unnecessary force Cal slammed car doors and started the engine. He had absolutely no clue where he was going, but it was somewhere far, far away from this place, from Gill's ultimate betrayal. Seconds later only witnesses of Cal former presence were dust bunnies swirling in the light wind and black burn marks of the tires engraving the asphalt.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

_Special thanks for to all the reviewers. You keep this fic alive _

_**Note:**__ Are people ready, willing and able to change or are they just the product of their own downfalls?_

David kneeled by Gill's side worriedly searching for a pulse.

It was hollow, but steady.

Thank God!

When he saw her sway, he knew she was about to faint. The man tried to catch the body before it hit the ground, but the distance was too big.

In the middle of the fall Gill's head heavily bumped into the kitchen's table. With a terror David witnessed as the sharp corner pierced her forehead.

The man lifted the unresponsive body from the floor and gently put the precious cargo on a large comfortable coach that majestically stood in the middle of the living room. The blood slowly oozed from the cut. Although the wound was not deep, it was something to worry about. A blow like this was sure candidate for a concussion.

David returned to the kitchen for a set of fresh bandages and clean water. Although the man didn't know where the necessary items were located, he didn't face any problems finding them. The neat and practical arrangement of things was very Gillian like.

David carefully cleaned the wound with the antiseptics, applied the pressure to stop the bleeding and covered the cut with a bandage. Once finished with all the ministrations, the man leaned back assessing his work. It was not the first time when he was patching her up, but hopefully the last.

David gently pulled a loose lock of hair from her beautiful face. He hadn't seen her expression so peaceful and relaxed since they dated. Somehow it felt like it had happened a century ago. Some watercolour scathes from the previous life. Every time he thought about it David couldn't believe that he had walked out of her life once. Gillian was and would always be the most amazing woman he had ever met.

Gill's expression of utter despair when she saw Lightman exiting the doors was engraved in his memory forever. It was like her whole world had fallen apart in front of her eyes.

In that instant David knew that Gill had never been nor ever would be truly his. No matter how hard he tried. She was a kind of person who put her heart and soul in everything she touched. If she truly let a person in her heart, it was for eternity. Nothing was going to change that. Unfortunately, David was not that lucky one.

Leaning forward, David gently kissed cold forehead. More than anything in the world he wanted for Gillian to be happy. If it was with Cal, so be it. He had to deal with it, had to let her go.

Gill stirred, slowly opened glassy eyes and blinked. The light was blinding and the woman winced from the sudden jolt of paint that ran through her head. If it was a hangover, it was the worst. Terrible headache almost bordered with migraine. When finally her vision cleared, first thing she saw was David's worried gaze.

Gill raised her arm trying to detect the reason behind the troubling pain in the forehead, but David stilled her movements.

"Lay down, here, take a sip of water."

"What happened?" Gill asked completely confused.

"You fainted," David replied carefully lifting her head so that she could drink. Gill winced at the movement, but didn't say a word. Cold water felt really good against dry lips.

As her head hit the pillow, memories of the previous events washed over in a huge tide. The stress of last weeks, combined with lack of proper nutrition, sleep deprivation and engulfing emotional turmoil had taken its toll. Still it was Cal's expression of utter disappointment and hurt that brought her over the edge. The smothering feeling of panic attack transformed to complete paralyses when Cal turned to leave. Next moment everything went black.

"Cal!" Gill bolted up, but the sudden movement made her dizzy.

"You have to lie," David tried to calm distressed woman gently pushing her down to the pillow, "You bumped your head pretty bad and might have developed a concussion. We should check you out at the hospital."

"No! No hospitals!" Gill's voice was almost frantic.

"But..."

"No hospitals," the tone was laced with stubbornness.

"Fine, no hospitals. Just relax," David's tone was soothing.

Gill closed her eyes desperately trying to fight the nausea that hit her hard. Several minutes later the wave passed leaving her completely spent. Everything was wrong, so wrong and it was her fault. She needed time to deal with it.

"David, can I ask you a favour?"

"Yes, darling. Anything."

"Could you please leave me alone?"

David's expression fell "I won't leave you. Not like this."

"Please, go! I will be fine. I simply need some time on my own," Gill's tone was almost begging, "Try to see Lena. She needs you more than I do. I can't bear the thought of our little girl being there all alone and scared. Tell her that I love her. She has to know that we are fighting for her. It is more important than anything else at the moment."

"I will do everything in my power to see her," David reassuringly squeezed her palm, "Are you sure you will be all right?"

"Yes!"

"If you change your mind about the hospital, you don't feel good or there is anything else…" the worry in his tone was genuine.

"I will call you," Gill promised.

As soon as the doors behind the man closed, Gill pulled her knees up to the chest and squeezed herself into a fetal position. Silent tears started to run down pale cheeks.

Trust didn't come easy for Cal Ligtman. It took years to gain it and now with one stupid action she had blown it all away.

Shattered to pieces.

Destroyed.

Their future, her future.

She literally had 'fucked' up the chance of true happiness. Gillian knew the man enough to be sure that he would never be able to forgive. There was no justification for her actions. None whatsoever.

Suddenly the ring Cal so lovingly had put on her finger burned skin like an acid, pain felt almost real. Trembling fingers laced around the shiny object and pulled it off. She had lost all rights to wear it.

Gill's eyes watered with fresh set of tears as she put the piece of jewellery on the nearby table.

Everything was so good, even perfect. How the hell did the life turned upside down in one swift motion?

Gill had lost two most important persons in the world. Was there anything left to live for?

###

Cal was sitting in the bar nursing a glass of bourbon in his palm. Normally by this time he would have been plastered, but something stopped him from returning to old habits. Actually, it was rather someone than something.

Gillian.

During the short period they spent together as a couple, Cal had matured more than over the last decade altogether.

Gillian loved him. She loved him the way he was, with all the quirks and constant screw-ups. Even before their relationship reached all new level, Gill was one of those rare persons who accepted him. She was patient and forgiving, but most importantly – she never tried to change him. He became a better human being when he was with her without pushing and probing. It happened on its own accord. As corny as it sounded, she was his better half, his soul mate.

He had loved Zoe once, but their relationship even at their best didn't come close to what he shared with Gillian. All the more reason why Cal felt so betrayed. He had trusted her more than he trusted himself.

What he learned over last twenty minutes was chilling. Lena was in orphanage, charges pressed against Gillian were serious, even G.I. Joe was under scrupulous investigation. Four agents had died on his watch. It was a major screw-up.

It didn't take Cal long time to put two and two together and draw the gruesome picture of what had really happened.

He knew what it meant to Gill to lose Lena. She had been completely devastated when Sophie was taken away. This time it was ten times worse. To his own dissatisfaction Cal understood Burns too. He had seen that dark and lonely place where trust killed, where right mixed with wrong and darkness with light in a twisted and sickening carrousel. The place of eternal damnation. Even if one managed to survive and get out of there physically, the survival of sanity was seriously questionable. Over years he had worked with agents who had been undercover for too long and expressed classic symptoms of severe anxiety. Today he saw all of them in David. The man had lost the footing somewhere along the way and was completely adrift.

Unfortunately understanding and accepting were two completely different things.

Despite everything, one thought kept reoccurring with frightening frequency pushing everything else aside. It was thought of Gill's and David's heated bodies in the bed. Rational part of the brain knew that it was stupid. Cal knew that the affair was caused by heart wrenching despair, not passion. Knew, that considering everything that was on the table it should be least of the worries. Besides Cal's resume was not crystal clear either. Not that he had ever even considered possibility to be unfaithful to Gill, but while married to Zoe it had been completely different story.

Still one can't command himself not to feel. The acid taste of betrayal didn't leave Cal's mouth. It was more than just a blind rage and hurt pride. Cal felt like someone had literally ripped his heart out, shattered to pieces and stomped over in metal boots. To say that he wanted to kill the wanker with bare hands was understatement of the year. Captain America had fallen lower than Cal thought was possible. He had used Gill's vulnerable state to fight his own battle and in the process dragged her down into the darkness.

The conclusion was simple. At the end of the day there were only two options to choose from. Easy one was to return to the old habits and sulk about life while getting plastered to a point where he would lose consciousness and then some more. The plan was to repeat this process until the pain is gone.

Then there was the hard one. It required guts and sounded like this - _grow a pair and fight for the love of your life_.

The question was – which one Cal was ready to face?


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

As soon as the doors opened, instead of greeting David's face met heavy fist. The sheer pain from the bleeding nose almost made the stars dance in front of the eyes.

"What are you doing here, Lightman?" David's speech was slightly slurred, courtesy of a split lip and a throbbing jaw.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures", Cal announced flatly, without even tiniest note of apology in the voice. Un-ceremonially he pushed past the other man and entered the apartment.

Truth to be told, when David heard the doorbell ring, Lightman was the last person on earth he thought would be on the other side of the doors.

"What a dump. And I always thought that Uncle Sam takes better care of the assholes he employs," Cal's voice was heard from the hallway.

"Something tells me you are not here to offer a redecoration services," massaging bruised face David closed the doors. The blood from the split lip left metallic taste in the mouth.

David tried to swipe it away, but instead only smeared the crimson liquid across the skin. Now it looked like unprofessionally applied Indian war mask.

Cursing under his breath he followed Cal who had invited himself to the kitchen. When David entered, Cal's head was in the fridge, but before he had a chance to ask what the hell was going on, Cal stretched holding a bottle of unopened vodka in the hand. Without another word David opened the cupboard and retrieved two glasses. Cal poured two generous shots. Both men sat down on uncomfortable stools eying each other like sworn archenemies.

Cautiously David took the glass. Cal's expression was complete enigma, as he swallowed the crystal clear liquid in one large gulp. David followed the suit, grimacing when the alcohol burned the split lip.

The fact that they were having something resembling civilized "conversation" instead of a continuous fistfight was unexpected, especially knowing Cal's explosive temper.

As soon as the glasses hit the table, Cal's flat tone broke the silence.

"We need to talk!"

###

It was already past midnight. Cal was standing outside Gill's house looking through the dimly lit window. Gillian was snuggled onto the coach, feet drawn all the way to the chest. She looked so small and fragile, like a delicate butterfly that had lost its wings and would never fly again. The fresh bandage on her forehead was soaked with blood, but Gillian either hadn't noticed it or hadn't bothered to change it. She was a total wreck. Cal still couldn't believe that ghostly pale and sickly thin woman was the same happy, radiant and gloving person he said good bye to only months ago.

The hurt and anger Cal carried around since the morning vaporised into thin air. All the accusations left died on his lips. Expression on her sad face spoke louder than thousand words. Gillian had already punished herself for both of them.

David told everything that had happened. Cal saw the pictures from the place where wreck of Gillian's car was found. Realisation that he had been inches away from losing the woman he loved, hit him really hard. In his mind's eye he saw the crash, saw Gill's body jolt forward and then collapse as the metal around shattered to pieces. Those images were engraved in his nightmares forever.

Thought, that she was hurt not only on emotional, but also physical level, made Cal's gut clench. The fact that he had only added to her suffering made him literally sick.

It was time to make everything right.

Hearing the crack of the opening doors, Gill lifted up. For a brief second genuine surprise ran across her face. She didn't expect that Cal would return after morning's fiasco. She knew man all too well. By this time he should have been drunk to a stupor.

"How are you?" Cal asked worriedly. He noticed that Gill turned even paler as she moved. Her gaze was cloudy and unfocused, motions a bit uncoordinated.

"I'm fine," Gill replied trying to hide the trembling in the voice. In reality she was anything, but fine. The headache from the fall was beyond terrible and if she wouldn't be so out of her shin, Gillian would have realised that she had a nasty concussion. But that was a minor problem in comparison to the fact that her heart was broken.

"Liar. You should see a doctor."

Gillian didn't reply. She couldn't find the courage to look at Cal, too afraid to see the contempt and condemnation in his expression. Her gaze fell on anything, but him.

Sensing that there would be no reply, Cal stepped closer.

"I can't say I don't feel hurt and betrayed. You would see right through it anyway," he started, but abruptly stopped ready to hit himself. It was not the opening he had intended. The man hadn't actually prepared any speech and now was struggling to find the right words. Why he always lost the orator's skills whenever it was something really important? Was it some kind of sick phobia?

At his words Gill closed her eyes and large tears appeared. She had been right. There was no way he would ever be able to forgive. She couldn't forgive herself, why would he?

The room fell into silence. With trembling palm Gill tried to whip away the tears that freely fell down the ghostly white cheeks. Her vision was so clouded by the salty liquid that she didn't see Cal's heartfelt expression as he rushed over and sat on his knees in front of her taking her trembling hands in his.

"Do you trust me?"

"What?" the situation and the question took Gill by surprise. She was ready for anger, screaming, accusations, anything, but this - him in front of her on his knees asking whether she trusted him. If anything, it should be another way around.

"Do you trust me?" Cal repeated the question in all seriousness. His tone laced with worry. Noticing the engagement ring on the nightstand, he took the shiny object in his palm and looked at it closely. It was a symbol. Symbol of their love and trust.

"You know I do," Gill quietly replied lowering her head. Fear clenched her gut. In a moment of insanity she had betrayed Cal, betrayed his trust in a worst possible way. Was there anything left to add? She had no excuses for her actions. None whatsoever! He was here to tell that they were finished.

Seeing her emotional turmoil, Cal's expression softened. There was no point denying that he still was mad, but it was something he had to deal with on his own. There was no way he would add more suffering and misery to the pot, especially considering Gill's clearly fragile state.

They would deal with this like they dealt with everything else in the world.

Together.

"Then trust me on this. We will get Lena back! That is a promise! First you are going to see the doctor and then we will get our girl and live happily ever after till the end of time," Cal wowed pulling unresisting form into tight embrace. Gill's eyes watered even more as he kissed her palm and gently holding her trembling hand put the engagement ring back on her delicate finger.

Right where it belonged.

"I love you darling more than I love the life itself. I can't imagine my future without you and Lena in it."

Hearing the words Gill broke down completely, burying her head in Cal's neck as she cried. For the first time in a long those were not tears of despair, but hope. Familiar scent helped to calm fried nerves. Finally Gill felt the fundament she had lost somewhere along the way, forming solid shape under her feet.

With Cal by her side she was ready to face any challenge the life threw their way.

Cal kept whispering reassuring words and endearments pulling her even tighter into an embrace. His right palm gently caressed light brown silky hairs.

It took them a long time to find each other, even longer to confess their feelings and now, when they finally were together, nothing could pull them apart. Together they were one.

**Epilogue**

_**Five years later**_

_Dear Diary, _

_Sorry I have not written anything for so long. With everything that is going on, I simply didn't have time. I still play soccer, dance and take figure skating lessons after school. Besides I'm also elected as president of the student council, therefore you can understand how full my day is. Aunt Betty says it is good that I have so many interests, that they will help me later in the life. _

_Besides with all that I'm still the first in my class. Dad promised to buy me a car, if my grades stay as good when I graduate. I want VW Beetle, yellow or salad green. It is the cutest car ever._

_Ouch, almost forgot! I have really big news I desperately wanted to share. My sister is getting married! Can you imagine? Mom is excited and dad, well, he still has to get used to the idea. You know how he is. Me? I'm happy for Emily, she deserves all the happiness in the world. Besides I love weddings, just as much as I love chocolate pudding and romance novels. It is a beautiful celebration of love and hope, plus there is a cake. Emily promised to have one where I could dive fully clothed! Life simply does not get any better!_

_I hope that one day I will find someone who will love me as much as dad loves mom and Eli loves Emily._

_My real dad is visiting us today and we are going to movies. Me, him and mom. _

_I know that dad is not thrilled about these visits, but they mean so much to me. You see, he and my real dad don't get along too well. Not that they fight or anything, but I can feel it. I think it is because they both are crazy in love with mom._

_I already told you that my real dad is undercover agent, he protects our country from bad people and therefore he can't be with me all the time, but that is ok. I have dad and mom who love me very much, although they are not my biological parents._

_Sorry, I have to run, my real dad's car just pulled into the drive way..._

As soon as the last word was written, the notebook was closed and left on the desk. The teenage girl with large joyful eyes and dark hairs taken into messy pony tail hurried out of the room and practically flew down the stairs. On the lower step she almost collided with the woman who was on her way up to get the unstoppable bundle of energy.

Golden letters on the leathered surface of already forgotten notebook shone under the rays of afternoon sun highlighting the inscription:

_Do not open. Property of Lena Lightman_.

Right beside stood framed picture that had captured unearthly radiant smiling faces of Cal and Gillian. Cal's face was pressed against Gill's neck. He looked like someone who had won the lottery of a lifetime. And Gillian, she was simply stunning. The sun gently played in her lightly curled hair, the long white tailor made dress perfectly curved her body as she returned the embrace of her newlywed husband. The picture was taken by Lena on her parent's wedding day. It had been incredibly beautiful and heartfelt celebration of trust, unconditional love and devotion, feelings that formed the foundation of their union.

The road to that day was long and the path pawed with fair share of suffering and heartache. Fight for Lena was tough, more than once the hope was almost lost. Both men had to bury the war axes and work hand in hand to dig to the truth. Thanks to combined efforts Cal and David brought down not only Adams, but more than one dirty official.

If only personal grudge didn't evolve into something gruesome,

if only one lie wasn't covered by other,

if only involved persons didn't have their own agenda and scores to settle,

if only the truth was told from the start

it all could have been avoided...

If only...

**FIN**


End file.
